Chapter 10
It took a hell of a lot of effort, but by the time Josie’s first week of school ended, I was finally starting to feel like I was close to getting us into a routine.
Since school started earlier than I had to be at the rink, I made her breakfast every morning before driving her.
The first day, I wanted to go in with her, but my baby girl informed me that she was far too old to be walked in by her dad.
Watching her leave my car and head into that building all alone made my chest constrict.
She had shot up a few inches over the summer and all of a sudden, she looked older.
I knew that she was nervous to be starting at a new school, but my girl walked away from me with her shoulders set and her head held high.
I was so damn proud of her.
I headed off to training camp, thankful yet again that I’d been traded to Austin.
Josie’s grandparents were going to pick her up after school and hang out with her until I got home.
Knowing that she would be with people she loved and trusted was a huge weight off my shoulder.
I was sure I never would have been able to concentrate on practice if I was worrying about some brand-new nanny getting her from school.
That night, I came home to find Josie out back with her grandparents. They sat at the patio table, laughing about something, the remains of their dinner in front of them.
“Well, this looks like a pretty good party,” I said, joining them at the table. All the laughter left Josie’s face, her expression turning flat and I couldn’t help but sigh. She’d been more cheerful with me the past few days and I had been hoping we were turning a corner.
“I found the grill,” Peter said. “Want a burger?”
After a long day of drills and scrimmages, I was starving. “A burger sounds great.”
“Josie had a nice day at school,” Evelyn said, smiling at her granddaughter. “Why don’t you tell your dad about it?”
She gave a small shrug. “Miss. K. is really nice. She put me at a table with Gabby and we played together at recess.”
“That sounds great. Did you guys have fun?”
Another shrug. “It was okay.”
I gritted my teeth. “What else did you do today? Did Miss K get you those books she talked about?”
I was sure that would get Josie to light up—she had been so excited that Gracie knew the books at Meet the Teacher night. But all I got was a minuscule head nod. “She let me read for fifteen minutes after lunch. That was probably the best part of the day.”
I took a bite of burger, wondering if I should keep pressing her to talk about her day or just let it go. Josie took the decision out of my hands when she picked up her plate and her glass. “Can I be excused?”
I didn’t bother to hide my sigh that time. “Sure you can.”
“Why don’t you come help me load up the dishwasher,” Peter said, gathering up the rest of the plates on the table.
Once they were gone, I turned to Evelyn. “Did you get more out of her than that?”
She gave me a sympathetic smile. “She seemed pretty happy when we picked her up. She talked about that teacher of hers for a good fifteen minutes. It sounds like she’s crazy about her.”
Crazy about Gracie Knight. It must run in the family.
The next day was just the same. Josie still looked nervous when I dropped her off, but she insisted on going in alone. I waited until she disappeared into the building before heading to training camp and Evelyn picked her up after school, staying over until dinner time again.
And once again, Josie was sullen the minute I arrived, giving me nothing but short sentences and long-suffering sighs.
I was relieved when we got to the weekend. I didn't have to be at the rink on Saturday and I was looking forward to spending the day with my daughter. As grateful as I was to have Evelyn and Peter helping out so much, it was a little hard to get used to having the in-laws in my house every day.
Mostly I was hoping that spending a day together might help Josie thaw out towards me a little bit.
But we didn’t get off to a good start. Josie came downstairs with a pinched look on her face. “Blueberry pancakes,” I told her, holding up a plate. “Syrup or coconut whipped cream?”
She shrugged. I was just getting ready to tell her not to be so rude, when her shoulders hunched and her hands came up to rub at her eyes. I knew what that meant—she didn’t want to cry. Immediately I tuned the griddle off and crossed over to her, crouching in front of her.
“What’s wrong, baby girl?”
She wouldn’t meet my eyes but I could see a world of pain on her face. Damn it. “Can I call Mommy?” she whispered, and my heart felt like it was cracking right in two.
“Of course you can.” I would never stop Josie from calling Chloe, even if I wanted to sometimes. Not because I didn’t want them talking but because I knew how rare it was for Chloe to pick up or call her daughter back. And I wished there was some way to spare my baby from that pain.
Sure enough, she held the phone to her ear for several long moments while it rang, her back to me.
She must have gotten the voicemail message because she sniffed a few times then said, “Mommy, it’s me.
I miss you a lot. Will you call me? I really miss you.
” There was a long pause and I wished I could see her face.
Hell, I wished I could take this shit away from her, force Chloe into being the kind of parent who gave a damn.
“I started my new school this week,” Josie whispered. “I like my teacher but…I miss you, Mommy.” Then she hung up without saying goodbye.
She didn’t turn around right away, and I waited, wanting to give her privacy. I watched as her shoulders rose and fell a few times, like she was taking deep breaths. Then she finally turned back to me and walked slowly to the table.
“I would like syrup with my pancakes, please,” she said, her voice completely even, and somehow that was even worse than if she cried.
I tried to keep up a steady stream of conversation while we ate, hoping to distract her. I had been doing some research on the city and I had a whole list of things I wanted to try with her.
“I figure today we can either explore the city or head over to the Botanical Garden. It’s supposed to have really nice walking trails and a waterfall.”
Josie brightened the smallest bit. “A waterfall like the ones we saw in Jamaica?”
“I’m not sure if it’s that big. Want to go check it out with me?”
“Sure.”
I said a silent prayer of thanks that she almost looked excited. It was a hell of a lot better than that awful stoic expression that had been on her face when she got off the phone.
After breakfast I packed us a backpack with water bottles and sunscreen. Josie had the same fair skin as me which meant she was just as prone to sunburn. And neither of us had acclimated to the heat of southern Texas yet. I wondered if my Minnesota blood ever would.
Zilker Botanical Gardens was a bit of a drive from our house. “I have a surprise,” I told Josie once she was all buckled up. I plugged my phone into the car’s speaker and fiddled with it for a moment. Then a voice came over the speakers, introducing the audiobook.
“The Golden Compass?” she asked, looking surprised.
“I know it’s the first one and you’ve already finished it, but I hoped you wouldn’t mind starting over at the beginning with me. I wanted to get caught up.”
She kept her eyes on the window, as was her habit these days, but I was pretty sure I saw the corner of her mouth drift upwards. “I guess that would be okay.”
I breathed a sigh of relief. I had bought the audiobooks not only so I would understand what she’d been reading, but also to fill the silence in the car during our drive to school every day.
It was still weird to me, to be in a car without Josie yammering away.
I figured the audiobooks would at least be a distraction.
“I was going to check the books out of the library,” I told her. “But you know your dad isn’t much of a reader. I thought the audiobooks would be easier for my big dumb brain.”
She rolled her eyes. “You can read just fine, Daddy.”
I couldn’t hide my grin. Victory.
“Okay, so this Pan guy is an animal?” I asked when we climbed out of the car several minutes later.
“He takes the form of an animal,” she corrected.
“But he can talk.”
“Because he’s a daemon.” She said this like I was the most clueless man on the planet.
“And that’s like…a pet?”
Josie looked scandalized. “It’s nothing like a pet! He doesn’t belong to her. He’s part of her.”
I stared at my daughter’s earnest face for a moment. Apparently, I found it difficult to wrap my mind around children’s fantasy novels. “Right,” I said, pretending like that made any kind of sense to me.
Josie bounced on her tiptoes, looking around. “There are a lot of people here,” she pointed out.
“It’s a nice day,” I said. “And this place is supposed to be popular.”
“Can we get started?”
“Hold up, Josie. You need sunscreen.”
She sighed like I had suggested torture but stood still while I slathered the lotion on her bare shoulders, arms, and the back of her neck. When I moved to get her legs, she darted out of the way.
“Dad. I’m not a baby. I can do my own legs.”
I managed to grab her before she got away, placing a swift kiss on the top of her head. “You’ll always be my baby, baby.”
She rolled her eyes but I was pretty sure she was smiling.
We took turns with the sunscreen until I was satisfied we wouldn’t burn. “Hats too,” I said, plopping an Austin Sting cap on her head before pulling mine on too.
Josie looked up at mine, nose wrinkled. “Those are the team colors?” she asked.
“Yeah. What’s the matter, you don’t like red and yellow?”
She shrugged. “I like red and blue much better.” Of course she did—those were New York colors.
“We got to see the uniforms the other day,” I told her as we started to walk towards the park entrance. “That was kind of exciting. I haven’t had a C on my jersey since college.”