Chapter 4
Lou: Look at him. Walking in like he owns the place.
Chuck: Pretty sure he’s hoping she notices.
Lou: Oh, she notices. She’s just pretending she doesn’t.
Chuck: So, we’re doing that strategy. Ignore the problem until it tackles you in broad daylight.
My gaze is locked on no particular space as I zone out, drying the same glass for the last several minutes, stuck in the thought of how the kickback of my club felt connecting with the ball.
Setting the glass down, I chuckle to myself at how boring I used to think golf was.
I would have never considered it to be a sport I would love, but I do.
It calms my nerves and clears my busy thoughts—kind of how running does.
It’s been a little over a week since I went to the course, and I’m itching to go back.
Draping the towel over my shoulder, I walk over to the book club being hosted at Shaken Tropes.
Opening this place with Cassidy was a dream, and working together has always been easy.
I know some people say not to mix business with friendship, but I think it’s made our relationship stronger.
We’ve never been scared to hold back from each other, but when people are exhausted, still have work to do with the weight of their responsibilities on their shoulders—it can be easy to get volatile or lash out, but it's not something we’ve ever done.
We have grown closer and are more in tune with each other.
“Are you babes good over here?” I ask the group.
“Oh my goodness, Paloma, thank you for recommending this book! It has been…” She pauses, thinking about her next words before she smiles a devilish grin, “...fucking scorching hot, if I’m being honest.”
“Such a good read!” The redhead adds her two cents before the entire table is talking about how much they loved this spicy mafia romance.
“When he threw her over his shoulder and stormed out. ‘My wife. My wife,’” another mumbles, and I let them continue, allowing myself to fade away from their conversation, before I go back behind the bar.
“Holy crap, she's hot,” Brianna whispers in my ear.
“When did you even get behind me?” I question, swatting at her for scaring the shit out of me and almost causing me to drop a glass. For once, not being the klutz I am. “Who? Point her out, bitch!”
“Curls at twelve o’clock.”
“You and Janelle talk way too much. You sound just like her. Holy shit...she is hot.” A woman I can only describe as a vixen walks through the door.
She’s easily five-foot nine inches with legs that last for days and long loose curls that hang down her back.
Her skin is a deep golden brown, and when she makes eye contact with me—while I’m literally gawking at her—I notice the beautiful woman has the nerve to have hazel eyes.
“Hi there! I couldn’t pass up slipping into this place. It's so cool.” Her voice is light and delicate, much like her frame. She feels like a warm hug, and I immediately want to add her to our girl gang.
“Thank you. I’m Lo, I co-own this baby with my best friend.” I always appreciate someone new loving on our bar. “What are you in the mood for?” I ask her, wanting to offer the full experience of what we do here.
She chews on the inside of her cheek in thought before she says, “I would love something sweet and strong, with a sugared rim. Oh, and I want to get matched.”
I smile, knowing exactly the book for her; it's a mix of childhood sweethearts turned lovers, and it goes perfectly with the drink she described.
Pulling open the bar top, I walk around to the front.
“Follow me, I know just the book for you. B will have your drink right out to your table.” We share an easy conversation as I pull out the book and show her the content warnings.
With a huge grin on her face she tucks the book in her arm and sits near the entrance.
Hours pass pretty quickly with it being the weekend, and Cass is on a roll.
She comes in with so much energy, discussing this new eatery she and Jameson tried out.
I love their love, but I don't think anything similar will ever be in my cards.
My mind automatically goes to the night my parents ended up separating.
They had a huge fight, which is not something they ever made a habit of letting me see.
Being so young I had no clue it would be the last night we all shared the same home.
“How can you stand there and say such a thing? Have some damned reason,” Papi shouts.
I don't understand what he’s saying. “You think burying yourself in work is the answer, hm? Did you think about what we needed?” My eyes dart between the two of them, scared of the yelling, and worried, but not comprehending.
“You want fucking understanding?” Mami seethes, her chest and neck red from anger. “Understand what exactly, Hector! And what did you do? You shut down, blocked us out.” She waves her hand around our home. “You checked out on me!”
Papi’s voice sounds like he’s talking underwater, like we do when we play at the pool. “Reyna, I wasn’t checking out. I was grieving our loss, and you treated it like a box to check off. I came to you, at least I tried to, but you never let me in. So I stopped trying.”
“Dios mio. So I guess it’s my fault. Is that right?
Well, excuse me for not wallowing in self-pity while I tried to keep our family afloat.
You know, the ones who are living and breathing,” she responds, breathing heavily from her nose.
Mami takes a step back as she waves her hands in front of her in a crossing motion.
I watch my father follow her steps, reaching his hand out to grab hers, but she snatches hers away as if his touch would burn her.
“It was hard for me too, Hector! I was trying to find a way to keep it together for Paloma’s sake.
You didn’t give a shit about that. Talking wasn’t going to bring him back.
” I don’t know what is happening, but Mami’s eyebrows are pointed in and scrunched up, her eyes wet from tears spilling down her cheeks.
“You’ve always been good at ignoring the problem simply because it won’t change the situation.
It clearly didn’t help us. What about what we needed, you and I?
” Papi says. And if I wasn’t supposed to be in bed fast asleep, I would beg her to please listen.
He shakes his head. “You stopped seeing me a long time ago. Maybe this was your own way of ending it.”
“Don’t you dare! Don’t you dare blame this all on me. You are the one who gave up on us. You were the one who stopped trying, and now you want to make me out to be the villain in your story.”
“Please, Reyna,” he scoffs. “There hasn't been an ‘us’ in years, and we both fucking know it.”
“Get out, Hector. Just go.”
“How could I have ever loved you when you’ve so easily forgotten I even existed!” Papi shouts.
“Go! I don’t want to see your face!” she screams as the door slams shut. My eyes follow her as she walks to lock the door, a sob overcoming her body. She yells out whatever it is she’s feeling just as her gaze lands on me. “Never trust a man with your heart, mija.”
That very moment presses in on me, reminding me why love isn’t in my future.
It’s exactly why when I feel Cassidy’s soft hand rubbing my shoulder, I give her as much of a smile as I can work up.
I didn’t fully realize the depth of hurt my parents were going through.
How could an eight-year-old fully comprehend any of it?
But now it’s all the reminder I need. There is no way I’m going to dump my souring mood on her plate right now, not when she is so over the moon with reconnecting with her teenage crush, knowing I have so much to work through.
How can I begin to explain the issue fully when I don’t know how to walk myself through it?
“You okay, Lo?” she asks me, concern filling her eyes.
“Oh, you know, childhood trauma. I’m fine, babe!”
Her eyebrows shoot up, and she squints at me as if to check me over. “You do know you’re a terrible liar, right?” she says in a mocking tone.
“Yeah, I know. But I promise you, I’m fine.” I pull the towel off my shoulder and toss it into the bin beneath the counter so it's washed later. “Let’s save it for girls' night, okay? ‘Cause I gotta get out of here. You know my mom won’t let me hear the end of it if I’m late to lunch.”
She nods and begins to shoo me out of the bar. Swatting her away with a giggle, I grab my bag from the office and I’m pushing open the door to exit Shaken Tropes. Having that memory pop into my head, so clear like it was just yesterday, has turned my day upside down.
Pressing the start button in the car, I pull out of the parking lot with a silent thanks that I live close to my bar.
I’ll be able to get home and then to Mami’s place in no time.
I’ll never hear the end of it if I’m late.
It’s been my mom and me since I was about nine.
My parents having divorced, I chose to stay with Mami full-time when my dad slowly became a ghost in my life.
He moved out of Cypress Lake and at first I hated it, but now, not running into him in such a small town makes it so much better.
I don’t have to see him moving around the place I call home all while being a shell of a parent.
The tires crunch over the textured driveway. Gathering my bag and the water bottle I forgot in my car this morning, I jog up the drive and unlock my sunshine-yellow door.
My home is small, however, it has all the amenities I want, like the large primary bedroom and cozy kitchen. It was a model home and needed only a small amount of work to meet my standards. I’ve lived in this beauty for roughly five years.