37. Cole
Chapter thirty-seven
Cole
Listen, was this the best course of action? Absolutely not. I hesitated before coming in. I really did. But when I walked past and saw her with that same vulnerability in her eyes that I’ve come to know so well, I caved. When I saw her mom and this man staring at her the way they were, while she hid behind an imaginary shield, I had to intervene.
She doesn’t need my protection. I learned that the night we first met. But just like then, I had to do something .
Jenna and I have known each other for just over two months, and even on the first night, I felt this overwhelming need to save her.
Like my body was drawn to this complete stranger that I expected to never see again.
Unlike the confusion on her face from night one, the look she’s wearing now screams relief.
Will I hear all about how she didn’t need me to be her savior?
Probably.
I don’t care, though.
I’ve been desperate for an excuse to hold her hand in public.
Kiss her in broad daylight on a random street, right here in town.
Be affectionate with her in any capacity I can, while everyone around us watched and didn’t care.
I know I told the world that I wanted to keep my private life to myself, and I do. But if they just happened to find out that she and I are…whatever we are, I’d wear that shit like a badge of fucking honor.
I realize it could get messy, though. Because according to the world, Mara is the woman I’m with, no matter how many times I try to tell them otherwise.
“Sorry, did you say boyfriend ?” Her mom gawks at me, her eyes popping out of her head as they dart between her daughter and I. Jenna shifts in her seat awkwardly next to me, her hands gripped firmly around the mug that houses a black coffee.
That, in itself, is alarming enough.
No creamer?
No ice cubes?
No caramel?
“That’s right.” I nod. “Sorry, and you are?” I turn my attention to the man sitting arrogantly beside her mom, holding my arm across the table for him to take.
“Mark Smoak.” He nods firmly, ignoring my outstretched hand, turning his nose up at it in disgust. I shrug, giving him a cheerful smile, and place my arm over the backrest of the booth. Jenna allows herself to sink into my side. I know she might not want me here because of what others might think, but she’s listening to her body, and has chosen to feel safe instead of insecure.
Exactly the way I want her to feel.
“Nice to meet you, Mark.” False . It’s not at all nice to meet someone who is part of the problem and making my girl feel the way she visibly does.
“Sorry, but I have to ask the obvious question here,” her mom says, breaking the silence that lingered a little too long for the three of them to feel comfortable. I, on the other hand, am reveling in it. “It’s the… elephant in the room, really.” She shakes her head as her eyes drink in whatever part of me she can see, nibbling at her bottom lip. I shudder.
“Mom…” Jenna’s voice is low, a whisper and a plea. I think I detect a slight crack in her voice, too.
“What is a man like you doing with a girl like…well, her ?” Her mom swallows hard. Jenna rarely speaks about her mom. But since she got back from California, I already knew she wasn’t exaggerating. I see it all firsthand now. “No offense,” she says quickly, and Jenna rolls her eyes, quickly wiping away a tear that managed to escape and roll down her cheek.
“Offense taken,” she mutters under her breath for only me to hear, and I chuckle next to her ear before placing another soft kiss on her temple.
I take my arm off the back rest, and lock my fingers through hers before I clear my throat. “I think you’ve got it wrong,” I say, and I see her mom’s shoulders relax, probably hoping I’m about to tell her it’s all a big lie and that she’s right. But that couldn’t be further from the truth. “What you should be asking is how someone like Jenna wound up with someone like me . A man who lives in a dingy apartment above a bar. The same man whose clothes remain in a vacuum sealed bag to keep the stench of cigarette and alcohol from inevitably seeping into the cotton. The man who can never hold down a job, or has credit card debt through the roof,” I say, and Jenna brings her hand to her mouth to stifle her laugh.
“I just meant—”
“I know what you meant, Becky . And I also know you’re old enough to understand right from wrong. But considering your daughter is thirty-one, and you still pick on her every single chance you get, says a lot more about your character than it does hers.” I take a sip of Jenna’s coffee before placing it back down onto the table.
“You’re out of line, here, son.” Mark reaches for Becky’s hand, but she shoo’s it off while her lip wobbles.
“And who are you again?” I ask, rising from the booth, hand stretched for Jenna to take, and she does. “Because this girl beside me owes neither of you a damn thing.” Jenna stands next to me. “ You should consider yourself lucky to have a daughter like Jenna—beautiful in every single way that you could only hope to be. Wildly successful in her field because she works damn hard, and is the most selfless and passionate person I know.” Another tear falls down Jenna’s cheek, and it almost looks like her mom’s face softens when she notices the emotions peeking through her daughter’s brave facade.
“Jenna, come on,” her mom says, but Jenna holds her hand up to stop her. “You’re not about to walk out of here with a man you hardly know when your mother is here for you, like I always have been.”
Jenna shakes her head. “When’s my birthday?” she asks, and now it’s my body that stiffens.
Her own mom doesn’t remember the day she gave birth to her only kid?
“I—”
“I’m not doing this with you, Mom. Not again.” She sighs, scrubbing her hands across her makeup-free face. “Mark, it was… fine seeing you again.” She locks her fingers through mine. “And Mom. I want you to be happy and healthy. It’s all I’ve spent my whole life wanting. But I also spent it wanting and waiting for you to care about me.” She collects her belongings from the seat. “But if it hasn’t happened by now, I doubt it ever will. I think I’ve finally accepted that. I know what it’s like to be without a mom, and when I walk out that door, that’s how my life will continue to be.” She holds her hand out in front of her mom, her fingers curling in a gesture for her mom to hand something over…but what?
“Jennifer, no,” her mom croaks out.
“Yes. My key, hand it over.”
Becky hesitates, and Jenna grows impatient, clicking her fingers before her mother rummages through her purse, and places a single key in Jenna’s palm. She nods in thanks, drawing a deep breath. Straightening her back, she hangs her purse over her shoulder, ready to march out the door and never look back.
I intertwine our fingers, and watch as her mom’s eyes fill with tears.
Not for the loss of her daughter, though. That much I know for sure.
“When do you guys head out?” I ask Becky as she looks between Jenna and me in utter disbelief.
“In two days,” Jenna answers for her mother.
“Best you change that flight to tonight, then. Have a good evening.” I take Jenna by the hand, the two of us leaving a disgruntled Mark Smoak and Becky Rogers behind us.
“Holy shit,” Jenna blurts out the moment the door to Katie’s Diner closes behind us, pushing away from me.
“I shouldn’t have come. I’m sorry, but I saw you through the window and you just looked so—”
“Don’t be sorry, Cole. You spoke to her in ways I wish I could, in ways no one ever has. You gave me the confidence to do something I should’ve done years ago. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. ” She stands on her tiptoes, kissing the corner of my mouth, and butterflies fly freely in my stomach, my chest squeezing at the same time.
“I take it the creek scene is over and you have no plans for the rest of the day?” she asks, intertwining her fingers with mine on instinct, but she pulls them away just as quickly, looking over her shoulder with every step we take.
“Don’t do that,” I tell her firmly, for what I’m sure is the hundredth time. She tilts her head as though she has no idea what I’m talking about. Yet I already know what her response is going to be
“Do what?” she asks, like I knew she would as we walk down Main Street, and I notice the Grangewood Creek residents with their phones out, and pointed in our direction.
“Let go of my hand just because we’re in public. Hell, you do it in private, too.” I take her hand back in mine.
“I have to let it go, Cole. I can’t let anyone see us and get the wrong idea. Besides, I didn’t think you’d want to hold my hand where everyone can see. It feels a little intimate.”
“Why does it matter what it feels like? Not everything is going to feel right or wrong, and not everything needs to be so deep. If it feels good, just go with it, Snow.” She nods reluctantly, and we walk the rest of the journey to her parked car, our hands still molded together as one. I can ignore the whispers of people who pass us by. I just hope she can, too. “And you’re right. I have no plans for the rest of the day. What did you have in mind?” I ask, all too aware of how badly my body wants hers.
I would take her right here, right now, if she let me. But I know not to push my limits. If people take photos of our hands holding and it gets out in the press, it can be passed off as friends if that’s what she wants. But if I were to pin her up against the brick wall beside Laney’s Yoga House… that would be harder to explain.
Something I would be happy to ignore, but would no doubt send her into a spiral.
“I have an idea. Are you up for it?” she asks, and I nod once, kissing the back of her hand. “Then let’s go.” She drags me to the car, opening the passenger side door for me, shoving my body inside, and we drive with silence between us while the sun sets, and the radio blares through the speakers.
The windows are down, and the wind is blowing her blonde in every direction, but that smile on the face…the one that hasn’t left since we walked out of Katie’s Diner hand in hand.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen something so beautiful.
There’s a change in her.
Like having someone defend her has set free the person she’s been wanting to be, but feared to accept.
A person laying dormant, finally brought to life.
She looks radiant.
Her fair skin glowing under the golden sun, hints of citrine shimmering off her blonde hair.
“Why are you staring at me like that?” she asks, and I don’t know how long I’ve been watching her for, but I can’t seem to look away.
I smile. “I like seeing you happy. It suits you,” I say, and she flashes a quick grin before turning her attention back onto the road.
“This whole ‘friends with benefits’ thing might have its perks after all.”
I hate that she assumes that ‘friends’ is all we are.
She knows as well as I do that this is so much more.
It just doesn’t have a label on it.
“So…” She slows the car down before putting it in park. “Those things you told my mom about you, were they true?” She fidgets with her fingernails, her eyes glued to the giant theater screen a hundred yards in front of us.
“Where are we?” I ask, veering the conversation away, because truthfully, I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want her to think of me as anything less than the guy she’s unknowingly falling for.
The guy who was once a model.
Now actor, Cole Green.
Not broke, bartender Cole Green, who couldn’t fit on the bed he slept on every single night.
“Cassandra told me about it weeks ago. Harley apparently owns the land it’s on, but in summer they have an outdoor cinema.” She smiles, unbuckling her seatbelt, and turning to face me.
There are food trucks surrounding the area. People are sitting closer to the screen on picnic blankets and beanbags, and others are coupled-up in their cars further back.
“Should we get some food?” I ask, my hand already on the handle to open the car door.
“I’m not really hungry,” she replies with a shrug, but I don’t buy it. At the diner, only her mom and Mark had plates in front of them. Jenna had an untouched, black coffee in front of her.
“You haven’t eaten since this morning.” It’s a safe guess, but the way she hangs her head and turns her face to look the other way tells me I’m right. “Is it because of your mom?” I ask, and she nods before attempting to open her door, but I lean across her and pull it shut.
My lips hover an inch from hers, and I kiss her too quickly for her to realize what I’ve just done, and I’m back in my seat before she can protest.
Her cheeks turn rosy before her eyes soften. “Whenever I’m with her, I just…lose my appetite, I guess. It’s not a big deal.” She blinks rapidly to will away the tears, and I rest my hand on her thigh.
“Come on. Let’s go.” I step out of the car, rounding the hood to open her door, and she hesitates before stepping onto the gravel.
She threads her fingers through mine.
I didn’t offer it to her because we’re in public, but she’s taken it, anyway.
“Pick your poison, Snow. Pizza, tacos, dumplings or…ice cream?” I scrunch up my nose and chuckle, throwing my arm over her shoulder. She raises her hand to take mine again, and sinks into me.
“All three. Ice cream for dessert.”
We stop at every truck, collecting a serving of each before we head back to the car, arms loaded with food.
“What movie is showing tonight?” I ask, taking my first bite of the cheese pizza that rests on the dashboard of Cassandra’s car.
“Well, it’s a double screening, actually. Considering my best friend’s husband owns it, I put in two suggestions and they both happen to be playing tonight.” She grins without saying another word. “I was planning on inviting you when I got back from Katie’s.”
“Are you going to tell me, or are you going to leave me hanging?”
“It’s time for you to get to know me in the way I know you. One screening is my favorite movie, and one is yours.” She wiggles her brows.
“Let me guess. The Notebook or the Titanic?” Cheap shot, I know. But most women go feral for those movies.
Not Jenna, though.
She shakes her head in response.
“Nope. She’s The Man. Now be quiet, it’s about to start.”