Chapter 9 #3
“But my work,” Benedict said, and my smile faltered. “I mean, I’d love to, and it needs to be done, but I’m teaching. We can find someone—”
“Forget it,” I interrupted. Jaw tight, I stood. “Anyone want more coffee?”
Shadow spit. I knew he didn’t think of me like a trashman, and yet…there it was.
“Petra, I’m not saying it’s beneath me. I’m busy,” Benedict said, and I flipped the top to the coffeemaker up, grabbed the grounds, and threw them out.
Groaning, Lev got to his feet and swallowed the last of his coffee. “Look at the time. I have to go. Three is fun, but four is too much work. Yell if you need me. Marty, it was good to meet you.”
The young woman looked at him from over her mug. “Bye.”
“Thanks, Lev,” I said as he set his mug in the sink, touching my arm before nodding to Benedict. Shoulders tense, he slipped out and shut the door behind him.
“Petra…” Benedict tried again, and Marty stood.
“Hey, uh, you mind if I take a shower?” she said, her plastic bag of toiletries rattling as she picked it up. “It took me two days on a bus to get here and I can hardly stand myself.”
“Oh, my gosh, go.” I knew my expression must have looked sick, and Pluck’s eyes glinted green from under the couch, his told-you-so attitude obvious. This kind of sucked.
“I’ll take my coffee,” she said, head down as she walked to the bathroom.
“She seems nice,” Benedict said when the door shut with a soft click, and Pluck’s eyes under the couch seemed to vanish. “New weaver. Exciting stuff.”
The shower was already running, and I leaned back against a counter, ankles crossed. “You shouldn’t miss class. I doubt Thoth will show and Lev is down the hall.”
“Petra, I’m sorry,” he said as he stood, his hands hanging at his sides. “I didn’t realize how it sounded until it was out of my mouth. I think it’s a great idea that you and I show everyone that being paired up with a sweeper is not a demotion. I can—”
“Stop,” I said, cutting him off. My head was bowed, and I pressed my fingertips into my temple.
“It’s okay. I’m not mad, and I’m sorry I took it the wrong way.
But do you see the hill we’re facing? The rock we are trying to roll up it?
Asking a professional to put everything they worked their ass off to attain on hold to turn dross into nuggets?
” My shoulders slumped. “You thought my image was bad now…”
“Petra, I am so sorry.” Benedict brought his plate and empty mug to the counter.
I thumped my head into his chest and his arms encircled me.
“Forget it. I’m the one with the thin skin, not you.
” My shoulders dropped as he pulled me close, and for a moment, I listened to his heart beat as I reassured myself that I was here, and he was here, and we were both okay. Better than okay.
“I can stay the night, right?” he asked, and when I nodded, he rocked into motion. “Great. You mind if I use your balcony to call Dana? I have a few ideas to sweeten the pot. If we add some sort of tenure incentive, a mage or two might surprise us.”
“Sure.” Tenure? He thinks it’s going to take tenure? Moody, I gestured to the wide glass doors, and he gave me a final kiss before stepping away and somehow leaving me feeling warm and content. There was a flush of noise as the slider opened, and then it was quiet.
Thoughts heavy, I returned to the couch. Marty had been reaching for her phone when she’d gone into the bathroom, and I wondered who she was calling. Her mom? That must be nice…
“Pluck?” I sat down, and little rills of dark matter curled up around me, the shadow coalescing on the couch to sit as his namesake had done so many times before.
I glanced at the closed bathroom door, glad the shower hid my words.
“We’re not making a mistake, are we? Trying to convince her to stay? ”
It’s hard to know what is in her past.
His mood had gone introspective, and my fingers tracing behind his ears halted. “There’s something more here than you’re telling me,” I guessed, and his indecision twined through me, sharp and sour. “What happened between you and Thoth?”
Again his fear flickered through both of us. I don’t want to talk about it.
“Pluck…” I whispered. He didn’t answer, and my concern deepened. Worse, when I tried to lift his head, his face flowed right through my fingers. Pluck, if you don’t want to talk about it, okay, but what is Thoth’s problem? Why is he trying to break the balance before we can find it?
Pluck seemed to shudder. Thoth is why we never took new weavers after the mages killed our bonded.
He’s hate made real, pain given voice. But it was not always so.
Of all of us, he was the most desperate to not be alone.
Of all of us, he searched the hardest, and it’s believed that in his efforts to find a weaver to join with, he identified and destroyed the parts of his mind that prevented an easy melding into another’s consciousness, be they magic or mundane.
And being able to enter another’s mind safely is a problem how? I asked.
Pluck’s thoughts gave me the impression of a shrug.
That’s what he thought, too. But it’s believed that the multiple impressions from the many minds he searched adhered to his own in a slurry of chaos.
To a person, those he tried to connect with were frightened, savage in their attempts to regain control, and so that’s what the damage to his psyche was filled in with.
Not only did it ruin his chance to find a compatible weaver, it left him believing that we’re coerced, blinded slaves and that the only way to free us is to destroy those we take as our own.
Failing that, he will destroy us. He’s the reason shadows are reviled and killed on sight.
He is the one who taught us to kill, then gave us a reason to, false though it is.
He believes you use us. That we’re stronger without you, he fizzed, his thoughts hardly there. He is wrong.
And yet just today I had used Pluck’s energy to break that lock, giving him what in return? I’d always felt that our relationship was uneven, and I glanced through the skewed blinds to where Benedict talked urgently on his phone, squinting in the bright light.
Petra, he’s wrong, Pluck said again, his thoughts firm with conviction.
What I gain is far more than I give you.
I was existing under a rez when I found you, starving for a real connection, the ability to walk under the stars without fear.
I’m a part of the world again. You have no idea the gift that is. That you gave me.
“As a dog?” I whispered, and his thoughts in mine simmered. “You aren’t a pet.”
I don’t mind looking like a dog. It gets me places and no one expects anything of me.
“Oh, Pluck,” I whispered as I fondled his pointy ears, the cold like ice against my fingertips. “You could talk to more people if you took on a more complex form. If you want—”
Pluck lifted his nose, pulling from me. No, he said firmly, green eyes glinting in what might be anger. I chose to be what I am because it’s comfortable for you as well as me. His head drooped. Unless you are embarrassed and wish me to be more.
Stop. I took his head in my hands, making him look at me.
“Never,” I said aloud, and his eyes sort of vanished.
“You are you,” I insisted, thumbs rubbing his jowls until his eyes re-formed.
“And I’m not comparing you to anyone else.
But if there is ever a time you want to be more, I will support that. ”
He huffed, his eyes a molten green as his head melted through my hands and he re-formed it upon my knee.
I am content. That’s all that’s important. That, and keeping you safe.
Smiling, I put a hand atop his head, needing only the barest lift to keep it from falling through. That’s all that’s important, he had said, but that wasn’t all that mattered.