Chapter 7 - Damian
With my senses in overdrive after that much-needed run, I notice everything.
Everything.
Like the way Poppy shudders when I touch her neck. The movement is subtle, but it’s there, and I know her body is reacting to me.
She’s still in denial. I’m aware. The way her brows furrow and she doesn’t move as I trace the indents of my teeth on her neck. The way she keeps her body rigid, almost as if she stops breathing altogether.
The scent of her awareness swims in the air between us, mingled with the scent she carries, as if she walked through a garden of flowers. Throughout the years we’ve spent apart, I never quite lost that scent, but it was faint, nearly slipping away like a ghost to my airways.
Now that it’s here, now that she is here, her scent stronger than ever and appealing to my wolf as if it’s sustenance, there’s no doubt in my mind that she is fated to be mine.
How did I miss this in the past?
Was I so riddled by the pressures of becoming the alpha that I lost sight of what was most precious to me? I’d always been attracted to Poppy, and that’s why I pursued a relationship with her in the first place.
But this?
This is much stronger, an attraction so strong that it makes me feel like I’m going to lose my mind if I don’t have her.
No.
Control.
I must exercise it. I cannot become consumed by this viciously haunting desire. My eyes flicker to her lips, noticing the way they part when she exhales, and heat explodes in my chest.
It’s almost like she’s finally giving in, her body betraying the coldness of her words, her denial that our mate bond is real, or that fate itself is wrong. That’s when I flatten my hand against her neck, then inch my fingers to her face, where I cup her cheek.
She isn’t pulling away, and instead, her eyes meet mine, and for the briefest moment, something flickers there.
Hesitation. Uncertainty. My wolf seizes on it immediately, convincing me that it’s softness.
That she’s finally beginning to feel what I feel.
Whatever hard armor she’s been wearing since she woke up in Cedar Valley falls now in an instant, and her breath catches in her throat as I lean in.
“There’s no way you can’t feel it…” I whisper, slowly but steadily closing the distance between our faces. “I felt it from the moment I saw you in Fort Smit, talking to the beta.”
Poppy’s brows furrow, and that’s when she pulls away, as if a certain realization stops her.
“If only you’d felt it years ago,” she scoffs, and suddenly pushes at my shoulders with both hands. I’m hanging on to what she just said, so I don’t even have the strength to stand, cemented.
“I don’t know what you want now, Damian, or why you’re doing this, but there’s nothing between us.”
The cold brutality of her voice makes me falter, and I step back just enough for her to spin on her heel and head to her bedroom.
I shake my head, unable to let her go when every inch of my being is ignited with the unyielding need to be close to her. My inner wolf jostles me forward, and I grab her wrist right before she can enter her room.
“What does that mean, Poppy?” I ask, spinning her around to face me.
She snatches her wrist back and scowls at me. “There’s been nothing between us for a decade, Damian. What makes you think that things will change now?”
“You’re my fated—”
“To hell with fate!” she snaps disdainfully. “Fate won’t change the fact that I am an omega wolf around here. Do you really think your pack can accept this mate bond?”
My jaw drops. “Poppy, that never mattered to me; you know that. I never cared that you were an omega. It doesn’t even matter anymore.”
“Yeah, sure!” she chuckles dryly, rolling her eyes.
“The only thing you cared about was being the perfect alpha, and taking an omega as your mate would have tainted your image back then. So guess what? I don’t know what any of this is about.
You found me in Nightclaw, and what? You wanted to get back at your brother for walking out on Valley Walker?
Want to prove that your pack is just as welcoming as Nightclaw?
Prove Valley Walker is better than Nightclaw? ”
My chest hollows.
Is that what she’s believed all these years? That I’d hesitated because she was an omega?
My Goddess...
She’s built an entire life around a lie I never knew she believed.
I frown at Poppy. “This has nothing to do with Dorian,” I counter, but Poppy shakes her head and steps forward, meeting my eyes with her contempt.
“I heard your conversation with your mother, Damian!” she spits venomously. “You still resent him for leaving. And you let that resentment ruin us in the past. And now, you’re just making things worse. Do you really think kidnapping me was the right thing to do?!”
“I had no other choice, and you don’t understand. My—”
Poppy presses her fingers to her temples, her eyelids squeezed shut. “I don’t care to understand, Damian. I am not interested in any of it. You are a mess, and you’re trying to drag me down with you, but I won’t let it happen.” She opens her eyes then, holding back the tears welling in them.
“Tell me how I can fix things, then,” I plead, but she shakes her head again.
“Whether we’re mates or not doesn’t matter anymore. I don’t trust you. I’ll never be this pack’s luna, and I will never truly be your mate. You can forget about that. The least you can do is honor the deal we made.”
With that, she turns around again and steps into her bedroom, shutting the door in my face.
My hands clench into fists, and I have to fight the urge to go inside after her. But her words replay in my head, twisting and tormenting my mind as I pull myself away and drag my feet to the stairs.
I should be going to shower, but what I need now is something to take the edge off. And the only place I’ll find it is in the liquor cabinet in the kitchen, at the bottom of a whiskey bottle.
Two glasses down, and I’m still haunted by her words, slipping between anger and regret as I recall the past we shared. The sweet moments that soon lost their sweetness when Dorian left and I was forced to step up into a role I wasn’t prepared for.
I remember that night clearly, along with all the other nights we shared. The love we shared. Because even if it wasn’t clear to me back then that she was my fated mate, I knew I loved her. And she broke me when she disappeared.
All because I hesitated?
But she knew.
She knew how much pressure I was under, and she couldn’t wait.
I pour another glass of what’s left in the bottle, emptying it for a half-filling of whiskey. My wolf burns through the effects of alcohol long before it can do what I need it to, and I groan, sulking and dropping my face in my hands.
I hate how much I let Dorian’s departure affect me. It’s why I lost Poppy in the first place, and now, she’s the one who hates me for it, holding a grudge against me because of my hesitation.
Did she know?
Did she know we were fated mates?
Did my hesitation break her more than I could have possibly understood at the time?
I don’t know how I’m ever supposed to truly forgive my brother for leaving if it landed me in this predicament. I don’t even know how I’m supposed to forgive myself…
Now I’ve gone and made it worse by kidnapping her, all because my inner wolf wouldn’t let me have it any other way.
I take a deep breath as I lift my face again, disgusted by the empty bottle and the futile attempt to drink my problems away. It’s not like alcohol can do much for a wolf with a hyperactive metabolism. It’s a temporary fix.
So is kidnapping the woman who’s supposed to be the most precious thing to my heart.
Kidnapping her?
That was nothing but an impulsive, temporary solution to have her by my side. A foolish, reckless one at that.
Perhaps her setting a boundary between us tonight is what makes it possible for me to see things through a clearer lens.
I wasn’t thinking at all, and even though I’ve claimed my fated mate as mine, she wants nothing to do with me now.
Great!
I’ve made a mess of everything, and Poppy is right. I am a mess.
Pushing myself off the barstool, I stroll to the window, staring out at the forest ahead, at how the dark sky is littered with only a few stars tonight, and I close my eyes.
My inner wolf is relentless, and I’ve somehow become madder than I was ten years ago. But this won’t do. I’ll only end up hurting Poppy more than I have in the past.
Even though I can’t understand why she’d been so quick to disappear from my life simply at my hesitation, I do understand that if she’d felt the intensity, the weight of our fated mate bond back then, it would only make sense that she’d been hurt enough to leave.
I can give her that much grace, that much understanding. She doesn’t deserve my wrath, but rather, my support.
She needs to know that it had nothing to do with her. Not my hesitation, not my indifference.
If I can give her understanding, maybe she can award me the same.
And maybe, just maybe, we’ll be able to move on from the past and forge a future together.
I need to remind her that it was never her status that kept me hesitant, but only the weight of becoming the alpha under my father’s skeptical eyes. I never cared that she was an omega, and I always assured her of it.
But she forgot.
That’s why I have to remind her.
“Damian…?”
Mother’s voice from somewhere behind prompts me to open my eyes and glance over my shoulder.
“Yes, Mother?”
“Is everything alright? It’s late…”
“I know,” I sigh, hanging my head forward as I shove my hands into the pockets of my slack pants. “I’m gonna go to bed now.”
I take a deep breath as I turn to face my mother, unable to bring myself to meet her eyes, because I’m suddenly ashamed of how I behaved earlier.
“Have you decided—”
Before she can continue, I lift my head and meet my mother’s blue eyes with a nod. “Yes, I have decided. I will be attending the meeting in Fort Smit with my luna,” I declare, and Mother’s chest swells as if with pride.
I have no idea what it is that’s so important to Poppy that she’d want to return to Fort Smit to retrieve it, but if I ever want to gain her trust back and make amends for the past, I’ll have to start by listening to her.
Doing what she asks of me, instead of treating her like a prisoner, like an enemy.
She’s my mate.
Mother nods. “Good.” She walks over, carrying a tray that she passes to me. “Take this up for Poppy. She didn’t come down for dinner, and she must be hungry.”
I look down at the tray with covered dishes as a nervous smile tugs at my lips. “Thanks, Mother.”
As I’m about to walk off, Mother places a hand on my shoulder. “Whatever is going on, I hope that the two of you can resolve your issues, Damian. She was once very important to you. Don’t forget that.”
Meeting my mother’s eyes again, I can see that there’s a weight of truth in them that she doesn’t need to say outright. She knew.
She knew about Poppy and me, and she never said a word about it.
What matters is that she knew how important Poppy was to me.
It’s something I’m beginning to remember again.
I nod slowly. “Yes, Mother. Nothing has changed. She is still the most important thing to me.”
“Then perhaps you need to show her that.”
I nod thoughtfully, this time saying nothing as I leave toward the staircase.
Mother is right.
I won’t win Poppy over by trying to fight her.
I can only win her over by reminding her that ten years between us makes no difference. My wolf wants her, and there’s no denying what fate has dealt us.