Chapter Twenty-One
Georgina took a sip of her hot cocoa, wishing it had cinnamon, but grateful for it nonetheless.
After a sleepless night, she’d finally fallen asleep at the first signs of a lightening sky.
Her sleep didn’t last long, but she missed the morning birdsong she loved so much.
Then again, she currently found herself with little enthusiasm for anything, even her birds.
She snorted quietly, sure none of her friends or even her family would believe she’d no energy to do anything.
It was as if she’d been thrown from the Cliffs of Dover and landed among the rocks below, her spirit broken and battered.
All her life she’d yearned for someone to value her, and just when she’d found that person, he’d proven to be no better, maybe even worse, than all those who wished her to go away.
Therefore, she’d go and make everyone else happy.
Maybe without dreams and yearnings, she could find some peace among her feathered friends.
“Good morning, Georgie. It truly is lovely to have your company while I break my fast. Lord Granberry won’t rise until noon.”
She managed a small smile for Berry. “Thank you again for taking me in last evening. I didn’t wish to impose upon your mother at her sister’s at such a late hour.
” Not that she would have gone there, quite certain that there was where Philip would search for her.
She just couldn’t face him, sure her heartbreak would double.
Berry waved away the sentiment as she approached the sideboard. “No need for gratefulness. We’re sisters now. Family.”
Georgina looked down at her hands in her lap. “Not for long.”
Berry spun around so fast that the toast she’d set on her plate flew off. “What do you mean? Please tell me you’re not ill.”
“Oh, no. Not really. It’s just that I don’t expect to be married to your brother much longer.”
Berry put her hand to her chest and let out a breath.
“As long as you’re in good health, that’s all that’s important.
As for my brother, I’m sure he did something terrible.
It’s a bit of a pattern with him.” She turned back to the sideboard, chose more toast, and walked to the table to sit next to Georgina. “What did he do now?”
Without thinking, Georgina responded, “He married me.”
Berry grinned as she poured her tea. “I, for one, think that was the best decision he ever made.”
“Even if he did it to save your family’s reputation?”
Berry laughed. “I doubt that very much. My brother is too selfish for that. Whatever he said, ignore it. Make him regret it for a few days, then forgive him. All will be well. Lord Granberry and I ran into a few squabbles as we adjusted to being married. Young men aren’t groomed to be husbands like we are groomed to be wives.
The change in their life can be a bit sudden. ”
Georgina wished it were that simple. After taking another sip of cocoa, she set down her cup. “This isn’t something I can forgive.”
Berry finished chewing a bite of toast with orange marmalade then reached for her tea. “It can’t be that horrible, surely.”
“Can you forgive Philip for not coming home when your father was ill?”
Berry’s demeanor changed in an instant. Her movements became stiff and her brow furrowed. “That’s different. That was inexcusable.”
Georgina hesitated for a moment, knowing Philip would not want his self-inflicted torture to be known to his sister, but the only way to make Berry understand what he’d done was to tell her.
Did she need to understand? No. Georgina didn’t have to explain, but she wanted to, and right now it was about what she wanted.
“Did you know your brother thought it was inexcusable as well?”
“I doubt it. He was too busy gambling away our family’s fortune.”
“It’s true. He thought if he’d come when your father wrote to him that your father would have lived longer.”
“Well, he’s right about that.”
Georgina shook her head. “No. Your father wouldn’t have lived longer. He had consumption. He would have passed at that time anyway.”
“Consumption? My father died from wasting away after contracting the grippe. Why would you think it consumption?”
“I talked to someone knowledgeable in illnesses and then I visited your mother, who admitted your father had been coughing up blood. He lied to the physician. Your mother said as much. One only coughs blood when in the final stages of consumption. Whether Philip had come home or not would have made no difference, and your father knew that. It’s why he didn’t ask him to come home. ”
“He didn’t? But I know Father sent letters.”
“Your mother saw the letters. She said your father was simply staying in contact. He never asked Philip to come home.”
Berry stared at her. “Then he didn’t know.” The words came out in a whisper.
Georgina sat quietly, trying to imagine what it would be like to have a father that one loved, only to lose him too soon. She couldn’t understand exactly, but knew if she lost one of her classmates, she’d be devastated.
“Then I suppose I need to forgive my brother.” Berry placed her hand on Georgina’s. “Thank you for telling me this. You didn’t have to, especially since you’re so unhappy with him.”
“It’s the truth. Unfortunately, the truth is also why I have asked him for an annulment.”
Berry’s hand gripped hers. “What? No. Please. Surely marrying you cannot be the problem. You two are happy. Whatever it is, just punish him a bit, then forgive him.”
“That’s the problem.” Georgina took a deep breath, having yet to say it out loud. “That’s exactly why he married me, to punish himself.”
Berry looked stunned, then shook her head. “My brother is beef-witted.”
“Perhaps, but since I don’t wish to be the object of someone’s suffering, I asked for an annulment.
” Georgina paused, the hurt starting all over again.
“I just wanted one person to want me, maybe even love me. I thought he did, but as soon as your family’s reputation was put at risk, he blamed me, then told me why he’d married me.
I thought we were a partnership. I never expected him to turn on me.
If I can’t have someone who will be loyal to me always, I’d rather have no one at all. It’s less painful.”
“I think I understand now. What will you do if he grants you an annulment?”
That was the question she’d been thinking about ever since she’d left her friends. The only time she’d ever felt wanted had been at school. “I think I’d like to teach at the Belinda School for Curious Ladies. I believe the duchess would have me.”
“And what if he won’t grant you an annulment?”
She blinked, having not considered that. “Why wouldn’t he? He knows he no longer needs me, and your family’s reputation is improving now that he’s stopped gambling.”
As she said the words, the true reality of why he’d wedded her became starkly clear. She left out the latest rumor about her, since that was hopefully being taken care of. But it didn’t excuse the fact that he’d accused her of causing it.
Berry let go of her hand and sat back in her chair.
“Georgie, I admire you and, at the moment, think much less of my brother. However, I do know him. He may have married you to make himself feel better about what he’d thought he’d done, and I’m sure he was so selfish that he blamed you the moment problems arose, but I also know he feels deeply and is very loyal.
He’s not only been true to my parents but also to me, though I didn’t speak to him for months after our father passed.
He’s also been caring about our tenants, and I know he loves you as well, even if he may not seem to at the moment.
He does have a tendency to react and not think until after the fact. ”
Could Berry be right? If the rumor was stifled, maybe that would mean he still loved her…or was it to save his family’s reputation?
The tiny spark of hoped died as quickly as it appeared. She shook her head. “I think he will grant the annulment.”
“Well, you’re welcome to stay with us as long as you like. In the meantime, you may need to write him to tell him where you are, or there is no way for him to grant your request.”
In her emotional upheaval, she hadn’t even thought of that. “I suppose you’re right, but not yet. I just need some time to plan my future first—and maybe sit in your courtyard? I’m curious as to what birds your shrubs attract.”
“Of course. I’m sure the birds will enjoy the company. And then maybe this afternoon, you can start teaching me about estate management? My husband will be at Tattersalls this afternoon, so we wouldn’t be interrupted.” Berry winked, reminding Georgina of the duchess.
She had promised to explain to Berry what she remembered, and it would at least take her mind from her troubles for a short while. “I’d be happy to teach you what I know.”
“Wonderful. Now, I must tell you what I heard when I was at the modiste on St. James’s Street yesterday. Did you know that one of the Worthington sisters has accepted a proposal from Lord Landon? I can’t imagine what the other will do without…”
Georgina half listened as Berry regaled her with the latest gossip, obviously not having heard what Ashfield had spread yet. What if Philip didn’t claim it a lie? No, she didn’t have to worry on that account. He would, if only to save his family’s reputation.
She should have known her life had been far too good since marrying him.
There was something wrong with her; a man could not know her and want her.
Philip had said he loved her, but she wasn’t sure he knew what love was.
It was standing by one’s spouse and facing challenges together, not just enjoying life. If only she didn’t love him…even now.
“…then Lady Dulac said that Lady Arabella came to Lady Blanford’s ball. Can you imagine attending a ball when one cannot walk?”