Chapter 20
Chapter Twenty
TRISTON
T he door closes softly behind Lynn and Scott, and then the house is quiet.
The sudden drop from constant conversations buzzing along my skin during the party and the much smaller, family-only after party to the stillness is enough to make my head spin.
I don’t dare actually move, though. I focus on my daughter in my arms. She’d fallen asleep on me nearly an hour ago, shortly after the last of the presents were opened.
Now her lips are slightly parted and her cheek is pressed into my forearm.
The bunny blanket is held tightly in both of her arms, crushed to her chest and falling across my legs.
Beau crouches in front of me and traces her nose.
I fight down the urge to hold her closer to me, instead offering her to him so he can put her in her bed for the night.
A desperate sob-scream tries to break past my lips, but I swallow it down.
I’ve made it nearly six hours without giving in to the emotions twisting my stomach and taking me out at the knees every few minutes.
I can survive this last bit where I hand off Penny and go back to the guest bedroom of the Monroe farmhouse and fall asleep alone.
Beau frowns as he cradles her against his chest and eases back to his feet.
His focus jumps to Emily. For the first time, I can see true conflict in his eyes.
It’s clear he wants something Emily doesn’t, that they’re on opposite sides of some line.
It’s probably a bit self-centered to assume that line is me. And yet…
The Omega nature at my core writhes under the reality that it probably is.
The truth that’s wrecking me is that I want to be held, to have a scent— her scent—laid so strongly over top of me I’ll never need to make out with an Alpha whose name I don’t even know so that I stop wanting to claw my own heart out.
Instead of saying anything, though, I force my eyes closed so the tears burning them aren’t visible.
Beau’s steps are light as they move away from me.
There’s a few long minutes of silence, and then the faucet turns on.
The various noises of dishes being washed and things being thrown away replace the quiet as they settle into the homemaking routine I’m not part of.
I count slowly to twenty, letting myself soak in the vanilla scent that hangs in the air and the sounds of a family in the house around me.
Then I stand and grab my hat from the dining table.
“Thank you for letting me hold her,” I say, messing with the brim of my hat. “For letting her sleep on me that long.”
The water cuts off, but I don’t look at either of them. The tears are still trying to break free. My skin crawls again, that agitation digging deep in my belly as if that afternoon at the Haven didn’t even happen.
“I, uh, am supposed to transition back into… everything starting Tuesday. I have an interview then with the NbrA.” Just the thought has me wanting to scream. “But I’m technically here until the holiday weekend.”
Three weeks left, and then I’m not sure how much of Penny I’ll get to see. I’m not even sure how much I’ll see of her while still here, now that the pressure of letting me be part of her birthday is gone.
“If…” I clear my throat and force myself to say the request as a statement instead of a question. “I’d just like to be able to see her a couple times before I have to leave. Maybe have a day with her like… like I had with Scott on Tuesday.”
“Triston.” Beau says my name like I’ve punched him. “Fuck, man. Of course you can see her. Have as many days as you want.”
I nod once and then ease my hat on my head. I cross to the front door, still not looking at either of them. Two sets of footsteps slowly follow, and my entire body tenses. I grab my boots, not bothering to put them on. It’s not that long of a walk to Scott’s SUV at the bottom of the drive.
I run my hand over the designer tag adorning the heel of the custom black boots, the same as the ones Penny’d worn today. Physical proof of what I gained in the last two years. Around me, the warmth of Emily’s home—of their home—is everything I missed out on.
The words tumble out of me, inelegant and halting.
“I have two buckles.”
The footsteps stop. I breathe in the vanilla scent that wraps around me, an edge to it similar to that possessive rage that about started a brawl before Penny smashed her cake.
There’s a part of me that wants to melt under it, wants to let it soothe me.
I turn back toward them, shoring up my courage.
Then I look at them. Emily stands against the edge of the island, her arms crossed like they were in the barn, her hands twisted into the flannel she’d put on while opening presents.
Beau’s closer, just on the other side of the dining table.
It’s easier to say the words focusing on him.
“I have two NbrA buckles and three separate multi-million dollar sponsors. Better than most rodeo stars ever get at the height of their career.” My voice is hoarse, the same desperate yearning in it as when I was admitting to Emily why I’d gotten her that store account.
She takes a few steps, coming up beside Beau.
He palms her hip, and my heart twists. “Everything I dreamed of when doing my damndest to get out of my dad’s shithole apartment in Omaha. ”
“We’re proud of you,” Beau says, his voice a soft caress, like he can tell just how skittish I am now that Penny’s no longer in my arms. “You’ve worked so damn hard, and now you’ve made history. It’s inspiring as hell.”
My smile isn’t all that happy. Inspiring to strangers, maybe. But to me? It’s never felt so hollow, not even when I woke up in the Haven having suffered a Drop.
“Thank you.”
A tear falls, and I quickly swipe it away.
Emily makes a sound in her throat, and I’d swear on my life it’s an Alpha’s croon designed to comfort.
She pulls away from Beau and edges around the table, pausing only an arm’s length from me.
She’s only a couple inches shorter than me, nearly six feet tall.
I don’t have to drop my chin at all to keep eye contact with her.
Her vanilla wraps around me like it hasn’t in so long, the warmth of it something the synthetic pheromone could never recreate. The next breath I take is easier.
The full, embarrassing truth falls out of my mouth and lands between us, more delicate than that newborn calf we managed to save.
“I wish I could give it all up.”
Her eyes widen. “What?”
“I’d give it all up to get this last year with you. All three of you.”
I pull my hat from my head and pick at it, trying to keep from bolting. That agitation roots in my belly again, spiraling out. Beau closes the gap, standing just behind her, his hand on her hip again.
“Firecracker,” he whispers, “what do you want?”
Her throat moves with a swallow. Her scent explodes, even stronger than during the party. It draws me in like a siren luring unsuspecting sailors. I can’t quite stifle my groan, and that just makes her scent again. I want to fall on my knees at her feet, but I’m not quite that desperate.
Not yet.
“I wish…” Another tear falls. I don’t touch it. “I wish I could go back and see the messages. I’d have come running back so damn fast. I’d have been a mess, I’m sure, but…”
I shrug, dropping my eyes to my hat. Her hands shake as she reaches out and grabs my hat, gently pulling it from my grip.
“You aren’t going to miss any more of her life, Triston,” Emily says. “Do you think I’m going to forbid you from seeing her? Of course I’m not.”
Somehow, I find the courage to finally ask her, ask them . My eyes flip from hers to Beau’s and then back. She’s frowning, her eyebrows furrowed.
“And what if… what if when I say I’d have come running back, I mean for more than just her?”
Emily sucks in a harsh breath, and the vanilla twists just a bit, the faintest bit of fear in it.
Then she’s pressed against me, my own hat around my neck and hitting the space between my shoulder blades.
It’s complete and total instinct that has me dropping my boots and grabbing her waist as she slams her lips to mine.