CHAPTER FIVE
ROYCE
I’m starting to regret having left Hudson alone with Ava. Judging by her expression, she's having herself a good little rant and I'm not entirely convinced he deserves to be on the other end of one of those just yet.
“Never mind babysitting me, Blaise. I think you’d be better off going back and putting the reins on your girlfriend.”
He's just in the middle of taking a big swig from his water bottle and about chokes on it laughing. “Yeah, okay. Let me run right over there and do that.”
“What are we laughing about?” Angel. How the hell he keeps creeping up on me without my noticing, I don’t know, but I'm not digging it.
“Royce wants me to go and, how did you put it? Put the reins on Ava?” Blaise is still chuckling as he lifts the bottle back to his lips.
“Why? What’s she doing now?” Angel jerks his head back and forth trying to get a clear view of Ava and Hudson through the crowd.
“From the looks of it, she’s fucking yelling at him.” I take a dramatic drink of the coke I settled for in lieu of booze, and for the first time I truly regret having given up alcohol to support Blaise in his sobriety .
“Well, he must be into that sort of thing then, because he’s smiling. Oh, wait. I think they’re done talking. She’s bringing him over this way.” Angel quickly turns his back toward them. We're like fucking high school kids. Except, ironically, back in high school, none of us ever acted this ridiculous. We were way more mature back then.
“Where’s Derek? I have an announcement I want to make. It’s official business, so I want you all here.” Ava scans the room for him.
“He stepped outside. Sammy called.” Angel looks down at his feet as he says it. We all know why. Derek’s marriage hit a snag a few months back and this tour isn’t helping matters any. Lately it seems like she's calling every fifteen minutes just to start a fight with him.
“Alright. No big deal. I can wait. In the meantime, Angel, have you met Hudson? Between his talent behind the lens and his mad coffee making skills, he may be my new favorite person.” Most people would think she's joking, but they don’t know how strongly she feels about her coffee.
“Hey man, heard you saved these two this morning. Good lookin’ out.” Angel shakes Hudson’s hand appreciatively. Finally, a member of my fucked-up family I can count on. “Word to the wise though, Ava can’t get down with that much caffeine on an empty stomach.”
Hudson grins. “So I’ve heard. I’ll be sure to keep that in mind.”
“Not like he’ll have to. The best barista in town is retiring and stepping up to the camera full time.” She gives him a celebratory pat on the back, and I wonder if anyone else caught the frown she was trying so hard to suppress. One look over at Blaise and I know I wasn’t the only one to notice. “Anyway, you boys get better acquainted and I’m going to see about getting the dinner portion of this dinner party started.” And away she goes, flitting off into the small crowd of people all hovering around the long table in hopes of eating soon.
The four of us stand in an uncomfortable silence for what seems like an eternity but is probably just the longest ten seconds of my life. Blaise is the first to make a breakaway. “You know, I was supposed to have a little meet and greet with that morning show DJ. What was his name? Donnie Magic? I better go do that before it’s too late.” And then there were three.
Angel’s eyes dart back and forth between me and Hudson for a second. “I think I’m going to go and track down Derek. Let him know it’s almost time to eat. I’m sure he could use a good excuse to get off the phone right about now.” Two.
Teetering back and forth on my feet, I give Hudson a sideways glance and even manage a half-smile. “You didn’t pick up on how totally obvious that was, did you?”
He laughs. “Not at all. They weren’t trying to get us alone together, were they?”
I grin sheepishly. “They mean well. They’re just...”
“No, they’re great, Royce.” And for some weird-ass reason, I think he really means it.
“Yeah. They are actually. So, got any loudmouthed, tactless and lacking in subtlety friends of your own we could invite to level the playing field a bit?”
He tips his head back and makes a face. Even when he's being a total goof, he's fucking gorgeous. “Uh, there’s my mother. But that wouldn’t exactly even things out. It would just catapult you straight into the lead. ”
“I’d be good with that. Let’s call her.” God, this is awesome. Standing here. Talking. Laughing. It's suddenly so easy.
“Ha, yeah. Think I’ll save that for the next time.” He winks, and I am both disappointed and relieved that Ava wasn’t around to hear him imply that we’ll be seeing more of each other, and that I’ll be meeting his mother.
“Fair enough.” Behind him I can see Ava waving her arm back and forth trying to get everyone’s attention. Considering she's only five foot three in a room filled with mostly men who all tower over her by a minimum of six inches, it isn’t surprising that Blaise jumps in to back her up, letting out a whistle that cuts right through the murmur of conversations.
“Oh, thanks, babe. Alright, everyone. Let’s eat!”
Dinner flies by with massive amounts of food being brought to the table every five minutes in true Ava fashion. Personally, I'm pretty sure she only orders so much to have an excuse to feed random homeless people after every meal of the day. I can’t even count the amount of times she’s had Darrel pull over on a moment’s notice to hand out to-go boxes and cash anytime she spots someone standing on the side of the road with a cardboard sign.
Although everyone is sitting within inches of each other, with the main topic of conversation being the band, it's impossible to try and talk to Hudson, even though he's seated directly across from me. Of course, that has its perks at least, since he makes eye contact with me and smiles anytime someone says something funny.
I try to tell myself I'm only rebounding from Garrett, and therefore going out of my way to convince myself Hudson and I have a connection, in hopes that it will make me feel better about Garrett screwing that old fuck. But on some level, I know it's bullshit because I only even remember the whole Garrett debacle after I search my analytical brain for a rational reason for the feelings swarming to the pit of my stomach, and below, anytime Hudson smiles at me. A rational reason. One that's more reliable than the ridiculous prospect of falling for a guy I only just met this morning. Except it's that ridiculous prospect that feels truer than anything else I’ve been able to come up with.
After dinner, the guys and I make the rounds to say our polite goodbyes before Ava shuttles each of us out of the building and into the limo waiting out back. I'm pleasantly surprised to find Hudson already sitting in it when I climb in.
“Damn, that was a long dinner party.” Ava crawls over Angel’s lap to get to Blaise. When she finally gets the seat she wants, she looks around the limo, grinning from ear to ear. “Finally. All my boys in one place and no interruptions in sight.”
Naturally, Derek’s phone begins to vibrate loudly, followed up by Sammy’s newest ringtone, Eminem’s Crazy In Love , blasting through the car.
Everyone jumps forward in unison, prepared to tackle the damn phone from his hands, but he beats us to it when he rolls down the window and throws the thing out into the street while we cruise along at a steady fifty plus miles per hour.
Angel leans back into his seat, shaking his head. “That wasn’t smart.”
“Fuck it. I’ll get a new phone tomorrow.” This shit is taking its toll on Derek and I can’t help but wonder what it's doing to Sammy .
Angel points out toward the road behind us. “Dude, you better hope that shit got busted. If someone picks it up, we’re all going to have to get new phones tomorrow.”
Derek closes his eyes, banging the back of his head against the seat behind him. “Shit. I hadn’t even thought of that.” He runs his fingers over his face. “I have fucking pictures on there, too. Motherfucker. Why is she doing this?”
I tap his foot with mine to get his attention. “Hey, man. No way that phone survived. I mean, look at all the traffic. That shit’s been run over like a hundred times already. Plus, you’ve got a lock on it, right? Besides, no one would be able tell it was yours just by looking at it. Whoever finds it, if anyone finds it, they’ll probably just toss it.”
He still doesn’t look convinced. “You better be right. Otherwise, I might as well call a divorce attorney right now.”
Ava scowls. “What kind of fucking pictures do you have on there? Are you messing around on Sammy?” Crazy bitch or not, the girl is still family. For now.
Judging by the confused expression on Derek’s face, the thought of cheating never even crossed his mind. Not that I expected otherwise. Guys who run out and get married at twenty don’t tend to have much interest in sleeping around. Derek is the type of dude who genuinely enjoys being a husband. Takes pride in it. Which is making this whole thing with Sammy that much harder to watch.
“The pictures are of fucking Sammy! She’s probably sending me shots of her naked tits right now trying to make up for being a total twat earlier. With all of the fighting we’ve been doing lately, I get an eyeful of vagina every time I open up a text message these days. My phone’s stocked up with more tits and ass than the fucking playboy mansion, and if those pictures get leaked, my marriage is fucking over.”
I stopped listening after ‘eyeful of vagina’. “Meanwhile, how about a fucking heads up about that shit! What if one of us had picked up your phone by accident? I don’t know about everyone else, but I have no desire to have images of Sammy’s pussy permanently deposited in my memory bank.”
I hear Ava giggle from my left and Derek scowls at me. “Dude, seriously?”
“What? You didn’t know Royce was scared of the lady parts?” She twists around and leans forward to address Hudson, who up until now, has remained completely silent, probably out of fear. “Hey Hudson, I gotta know. Do vaginas scare you, too?”
He laughs. “Um. I don’t have any desire to get up close and personal with one, but no, in general I don’t find them frightening.”
Ava shoots me a satisfied grin. “See?”
“See what? That not all gay men have the same outlook on one particular topic? Yeah, that’s a real shocker, Ava.”
“Alright, alright,” Blaise moves forward in his seat, while simultaneously moving Ava back into hers, “Although I hate to break up what was sure to be a very stimulating conversation about vaginas and gay stereotyping, how about we go back to the opening topic. Babe, do you even remember what that was anymore?”
Shit. I don’t.
She huffs indignantly. “Of course, I remember.” Then her usual smile returns as she brings everyone’s attention over to Hudson. “For those of you who have been unable to participate and do not know,” she clears her throat loudly, “Derek.” Then she goes on, “This is Kieran Hudson. He’ll be joining us for the remainder of the tour as our photographer.”
Angel pipes up first. “No offense, but why exactly do we need a photographer?”
“Because a major publishing house wants to put out a book about the band and I’ve decided the least intrusive and most honest way to do that is to have it consist primarily of images. Hudson will be around twenty-four seven to take shots of anything and everything he deems lens worthy. Trust me on this, the guy has an eye like you wouldn’t even believe.” She sounds overly dramatic, but I’ve seen his work. I know she's right. “Anyway, we’ll retain rights to every picture and after the tour, I’ll go through them with Hudson to decide which ones to present to the publisher.”
So. She really did it. She bought me a fucking boyfriend. Yet another reason to be scared of vaginas and anything that comes attached to one.
HUDSON
Holy mother of God . I'm in a limo. With Finding Nolan. Something I am now apparently going to be doing on the regular. The whole band is fucking nuts. And not in the crazy, all rockers are eccentric sort of way, hopped up on drugs and non-stop sex. These people are completely fucking sober and still out of their ever-loving minds.
It's insanely obvious that these five people know each other inside and out. They don't hold back. They know no boundaries, keep no secrets and are completely unaware of the concept of privacy. I should feel like a total outsider in their midst, catching a secret glimpse of the inside celebrity world belonging to one of the hottest bands around. But I don’t. Somehow, sitting here, completely and unapologetically exposed to their antics, I feel totally accepted. I'm one of them. For however brief a moment in time it will be, right here and now, I belong.
If all of that isn’t enough to blow your motherfucking mind, there's Royce Lemmi. The hottest man to walk the face of the earth. Ever. I can’t even count the number of nights I've spent at my computer, poring over hundreds of images, working and editing for hours on end while drowning myself in the sounds of Royce strumming that bass of his to the point that I could literally feel the vibration of his music surging through my body. Maybe it's because we're both artists in our own right, or maybe I was just so fucking lonely at the time, but I convinced myself that I could recognize every single emotion as it reached me through the deep melody of his instrument.
Royce gave me strength during times I needed it most and I hadn’t even met him yet. It's surreal. Seeing him in person now. Hearing his voice. Being at the receiving end of his smile. After our initial meeting I was worried that lines between reality and fantasy would blur. That I’ll never be sure if what I'm feeling is because of the man in front of me, or the one who’s been haunting my fantasies for so long. I realize now that it was stupid. There is no comparing who I imagined him to be to who he actually is. Not that I know him all that well after one day, but in just this brief time, I've already seen things in him I’d never have dreamed up on my own .
His friendship with Ava, for starters. It’s pretty damn clear that beneath the constant bickering and insults, they share a genuine love and connection. They have the sort of friendship that could make a man insecure about his place in Royce’s world, if one was ever lucky enough to find themselves there. At the same time, I know if I ever wound up standing beside him, I’d be happy to see her on the other end, keeping him safe and loved in the middle. Everyone deserves a friendship like theirs. Most of us just don’t ever find ourselves in one.
Then there's his sense of humor. Royce is funny. Not in a jokester kind of way that gets to be annoying after a while, but in a sarcastic and witty way that makes you think and keeps you on your toes. It's enough to make you want to stick around him and listen closely, just to see what he might say next.
But beyond that, more than any other quality and characteristic I’ve seen thus far, the one that's tugging at my heartstrings so early in the game, is a lingering hurt and insecurity. He hides it well, but in moments of quiet exchanges between us when no one else is around, I see it, flickering in his eyes. I knew the second I saw it, I wanted to find the source of his pain and squash it the same way he’s done for me in the past. Even if he didn't do it intentionally, or even knows he’s done it at all.