Chapter 25
“Wake up!”
Jacklyn’s words buzz around my ear like an annoying mosquito, and I nuzzle deeper into my pillow and ignore them completely. Then all at once my covers are ripped off my body, exposing me to the unwelcome cool air.
“Hey!” I groan. “This is the first time I’ve slept in weeks!”
“Mona, Suki is on the phone for you. Wake up!”
I jolt straight up in bed like I’ve been zapped with an electrical wire.
Jacklyn stands at the foot of my bed with her palm covering the receiver of her cell. “You good now?”
Dizzy from sitting up so fast, I clear my throat and wipe the sleep from my eyes, then I motion for her to hand me the phone.
“Suki, hi!” I say cheerfully.
“Mona, I’m glad Jacklyn was able to find you,” she says on the other end. “I’ve been calling all day.”
I shoot a glance toward the clock on my nightstand. It’s four in the afternoon. “Sorry. I was up all night working on the article I sent you.”
“Not to worry, that article is why I’m calling.”
My palm is suddenly damp as I clutch the phone a bit tighter. “Oh? Please know that article is a first draft. I would definitely polish it more.” Then I surprise myself by adding, “However, if you think it’s too personal for Around the Globe, I understand, but I’m not willing to change it.”
Across from me, Jacklyn’s eyes widen, and I don’t know if it’s an expression of Good for you! or What the fuck are you doing? until a slow grin curves her lips.
“Well, it is certainly personal.” Suki’s unwavering tone masks if this is a positive or negative in my favor. “And raw and honest and vulnerable.” I hold my breath through her pause. “I think it’s exactly what Around the Globe needs as we head in a new direction.”
“Really? Because Calvin would’ve hated it.” I have no clue why I’m arguing against myself, other than I guess I still have a way to go with this self-confidence thing.
Luckily, there’s a crack of laughter on the other end.
“Calvin was a jackass, and everyone knows it. Listen, Mona, travel is incredibly personal. There’s a reason people have bucket lists and places they return to time and time again, why they save up their vacation time and spend their hard-earned money to see the world.
Experiences matter. And showing our readers we understand that passion is the exact direction I want to take the magazine in.
I think your article will be the perfect way to kickstart that change. ”
“You are aware I quit, right?”
“I am. I’m asking you to come back.”
Sparks flare in my chest, everything within screaming at me to say yes. But I hesitate as I picture Ben and me standing at the site of an active volcano, his arms wrapped around me while he whispered in my ear that I can do anything I want in this life.
“I have some conditions,” I say.
“Name them.”
Having put seven years’ worth of consideration into what would make Around the Globe the dream job I thought it would be when I started as an intern, I don’t hesitate. “First of all, I want the promotion to the international division. No more weekend festivals.”
“Done,” Suki replies with no hesitation.
Jacklyn beams at me from the end of my bed, looking like a proud mama bird whose baby just flew from the nest for the first time.
“Secondly, I’m never planning another office party again. Not to get all T. Swift on you, but I mean never. Like ever.”
Jacklyn laughs, but it’s Suki’s response I need to hear.
“You drive a hard bargain, but I think we can make it happen. What else?”
This one might be pushing it. “I want upgraded airline seats and lounge access for the Locals, even if I’m not one any longer.”
At this, Jacklyn gives me a double thumbs-up and mouths, “Yes, girl.”
Suki is silent for a beat, so I press. “Just because the Locals don’t travel internationally doesn’t mean they are less than or don’t work as hard. If the company can afford to do this for some, they should do it for all, and I really—”
“Mona, I agree with you,” Suki interjects. “And I want you to know, there are a lot of things that will be changing now that Calvin’s gone. The culture he created here is not one I want to continue.”
“Oh.” I didn’t expect it to be that easy. “That’s good. Okay then.”
“So, is that it? Are we all good here?”
I sigh, because there is one more thing, but this one is out of Suki’s control. “I, uh, need to talk to Benjamin Carter, my photographer. I’ll need to get his permission to use the photo I sent you, as well as some of the others. That wasn’t ever intended to be for the article.”
Across from me, Jacklyn’s amusement abruptly fades, and she crosses her arms over her chest with a pinched expression.
“Ah yes, there is that little hiccup,” Suki says, and there’s an unspoken awkwardness between us since we both know she’s read my article and has seen the photo of me and Ben kissing.
I also assume from my hesitancy on this topic, she can infer what happened between us in Iceland is no longer happening here at home. “Where does that stand?”
“Um, I’m not really sure.”
“Okay. Well, I’ll certainly be happy to reach out to him if that’s not something you’re comfortable with.”
“No. It needs to be me.”
“I understand,” she says. “We have some time here. Why don’t you take a few days? Reach out to Benjamin when you can. No rush. Get some rest and work on your article in the meantime, and I’ll see you at the office sometime next week. How does that sound?”
“Yeah, I’ll be there. Thank you, Suki.”
“You’re welcome. And Mona, let me make one thing clear, whether you get his permission or not, you’ll still have a job awaiting you. If we can’t run your exact article as is, we’ll figure something else out.”
Relief washes over me. Working for Suki is already one thousand times better than working for Calvin. “Thank you again. I really, really appreciate it.”
As soon as I end the call, Jacklyn tackles me in a hug. “I’m so fucking proud of you!”
“You know what?” I say through laughter as she squeezes the air out of my lungs. “I’m pretty proud of me, too.”
Collapsing back on my pillows, she sweeps my knotted hair off my face. “Seriously, though. You’re different from before. There’s a confidence there now. I see it.”
“Yeah. I feel different.”
I don’t say the rest of what I’m thinking, that while I have changed, I think loving Ben again was the catalyst.
All at once, Jacklyn hops up and smooths her skirt. “All right, you need to shower if you want to make dinner on time.” Then, at my absent expression, “You do know what today is, right?”
These past weeks I’ve been a zombie, living in a land where time doesn’t exist. I rack my brain, and it finally dawns on me. “Shit! The twins’ birthday.”
“Which means you have a train to catch to Hudson Springs.”
“Shit. Shit. Shit.” I jump from bed and start haphazardly grabbing items from my dresser. Then I stop and spin in Jacklyn’s direction, one hand gripping a bra and the other a fuzzy tube sock (I don’t know why). “Ben’s in Hudson Springs.”
She grimaces. “I’m aware.”
“You have to come with me! My family doesn’t even know Ben went to Iceland with me. I can’t handle being that close to him and deal with my family and—”
“Shhh,” Jacklyn soothes. “Of course I’ll come with you.”
* * *
Heavy drops of rain pound the windows of the cab we take from the Hudson Springs train station to my childhood home a few streets away.
We pass Ben’s house on the corner, and my eyes perform a diligent search in those precious few seconds.
There’s no car in the driveway. But does he even own a car since he’s always traveling?
There’s no activity or lights on that I can see, either.
What I do see, at least in my mind, is an entirely different version of the home he grew up in.
I no longer see the white brick rancher with black shutters and a neat, well-kept yard as the place where a boy once left me brokenhearted.
Instead, I see a place full of secrets and painful memories that I never knew about.
A place Ben managed to survive, but couldn’t possibly thrive in.
I look at the house now and I envision Ben picking his mother up off the wet lawn, trying to hold it together while his world fell apart.
My heart twists painfully, and I’m so fucking angry on his behalf.
Angry because he had to act like the parent when he was just a kid.
Angry because the shitty situation forced him to be the one to sacrifice the people and things he cared about.
Angry because he didn’t deserve to suffer one goddamn second of fear or shame or hurt.
I’m tempted to tell the cabdriver to pull over. To hop out of the car and sprint down the sidewalk toward his house in the pouring rain like we’re in the movies. But it doesn’t look like he’s home, and I have no idea what I would say or where to start, and this isn’t a movie.
“Hey.” Jacklyn’s voice interrupts my thoughts as though she’s reading them. “Let’s just get through dinner, okay?”
The cab pulls up at my house, and I take the opened bottle of bourbon Jacklyn clutches and throw back a swig.
She’d been thoughtful enough to purchase two bottles for my brothers since I was in no such state for things like remembering birthdays or planning gifts.
Problem is, because of said state, I already opened one bottle to calm my nerves on the way here.
I hate bourbon, but it does the job of making me warm and fuzzy and convincing me that maybe I can get through this night after all.
Jacklyn steps out of the car first, opening an umbrella for us to huddle underneath while we rush up the drive.
We make our way through the front door, slipping out of our raincoats and hanging them with our bags in a nearby closet.
I pause for a moment, closing my eyes and basking in the warmth of the house on this cool, rainy evening, the smell of freshly baked cake wafting through the air.