Chapter 11
CHAPTER
ELEVEN
FARRAH
Leaning my back against the oven, I take a deep breath and savor a moment of quiet after seeing Bruce again. All week long I’ve been thinking that maybe I was wrong about me and Bruce. After talking while tearing down after the wedding and the conversation that came so easily, I thought maybe I should give this thing a chance.
But watching him with Nella makes me realize I was completely wrong about that. This man is a natural with children. He was meant to be a dad. Bruce will probably have a dozen kids and play with all of them and read stories to them and jump on the trampoline with them.
I have no place in that. What am I going to offer him? That we could date and have fun and then if things went well maybe we could have kids. Someday, probably years from now. If I can even get pregnant. Connor and I tried for years . And he got tested, confirming the fertility issue lies solely with me. A heavy weight for a person to have on their shoulders.
No. I won’t take years away from him and his hypothetical children. He needs someone younger and healthier than me.
It’s good for me to be reminded of this, actually. Before I let my heart get away from me…again.
The last thing I would ever do to myself is set myself up for disappointment again. And that’s exactly what would happen with me and Bruce. He thinks he wants me because he’s never had to chase someone before, but once he catches me, he would soon realize we would never work.
I startle when Mel sidles up next to me and slings her arm around my shoulder. “Are you okay?” she asks.
I blink. “Yes, I’m fine. I was just thinking I need to go check on the angel food cake.”
By her expression, we both know I’m lying. “How are you? Been feeling better?” I study her face; she looks a little pale. I hope she’s all right.
She quickly looks away from me and down at her shoes. “Uh, yeah. I’m great. Feeling good.”
With sudden clarity that I realize why she was sick and why she’s acting strange. She mentioned she’s been tired lately; she was sick last weekend, and her skin is pale. When Connor and I were trying to get pregnant, I googled pregnancy symptoms every month, and I can’t believe I just now put it together.
“Oh, my gosh. Mel…are you?”
Her eyes widen dramatically. I take her hands and drag her—gently—but further into the kitchen where no one can see us.
Mel’s eyes fill with tears. “I’m sorry, Farrah. I wanted to tell you last weekend, but I just didn’t know if it would make you sad. I know you tried for so long, and?—”
I hold up a hand, cutting her off. “Mel, people get pregnant. You and West will be amazing parents. And I’m so happy for you.”
I pull her into a hug, but my eyes are stinging as I try not to cry. Because it does hurt a little, but not as much as it would have when Connor and I were still trying. I’m glad now I didn’t have children with him; that would’ve just made things more difficult. Some higher power obviously knew it wasn’t the right time. I think I’m more hurt she felt like she couldn’t tell me, that she thought I’d be sad about her pregnancy.
I don’t want my friends tiptoeing around me.
When I pull back, I see her eyes are red, the same way mine probably are. “I’ve been so sick,” she admits. “And we have five events in the next two months.”
“We’ll figure it out.”
“West can help when he’s home,” she offers, her expression eager to please. “I have everything organized and laid out. How’d it go with Bruce, by the way?”
The corner of my mouth lifts. “He did great. He definitely draws attention, though.”
She grimaces then laughs. “Well, he’s bigger than everyone in most rooms, so.”
We both laugh.
I step away from Mel to remove my apron and hang it on a hook next to the refrigerator as all the girls file into the kitchen. I find my sister-in-law’s gaze and smile. “I think I’m going to head upstairs and have some me time.”
“What?! No! I barely get to see you anymore,” Noel says.
Amber smiles softly. “I know you’ve been watching Nella all day, so I understand if you want to go relax. But we would love to have you stay if you want to!”
“Please stay!” Andie and Noel beg. Both are tugging on my arms like toddlers.
The truth is I do want to stay, but Bruce is so distracting. And I don’t want to think about Bruce.
Andie gets right up in my face, her twinkly eyes bright and mischievous. “You can’t leave. We’re playing NHL on the Xbox, and the guys aren’t allowed to help.”
A slow grin spreads across my face. “Okay, fine. I can’t resist watching that unfold.”
Andie claps and jumps up and down and Noel pulls me into a hug. “Oh, the guys are going to hate it, it’s going to be amazing!”
A moment later, the guys come sniffing around to see if the food’s ready and we make a buffet across the massive island in the kitchen. Remy smoked meat, Amber roasted potatoes, and everyone else brought various sides. I made an angel food cake with homemade whipped topping.
Once we’ve all eaten, we head back into the living room where Amber, Noel, Andie and Mel quickly take up residence on the large couch and get the Xbox going. The husbands, and Bruce—who’s holding a very content Nella—stagger toward them, all of them looking like they’re dreading what’s about to unfold.
There are four controllers connected, and Mel, Andie, Amber, and Noel sit on the rug in front of the TV and pick them up. Noel holds hers upside down like she’s never seen a controller before, and Colby covers his eyes with his hands.
Andie starts the game up, and it pulls up the guys’ teams. She and Amber are on one team and Mel and Noel are on the other.
Andie bites her bottom lip as she looks at the players then selects a few and switches them out with other players. Mitch groans loudly. “You switched Miller for Rumpke? You’ve gotta be kidding me. Miller is a ninety-nine!”
She ignores him, then Mel takes over and switches the goalie for her and Noel’s team. I hear Bruce gasp from behind me and turn to look at him. “McNulty has a terrible save percentage. Isn’t his OVR like fifty-one?”
I have no idea what OVR is, but fifty-one must be bad?
Soon, the game takes off, and the girls are truly terrible at it. No one has scored, and so far, their players just keep running into each other and the boards. The best part is watching the guys come apart on the couch behind where their wives are sitting. West’s hands are in his hair as he grits his teeth and mumbles, “They’re ruining our top scores.”
Remy whispers back, “I know.”
Noel gives up with a sigh. “Farrah, take over for me?” her eyes are pleading so I take the controller and move closer to the TV.
I played video games when I was a kid, but it’s been a while, and the buttons are different. I manage to take my player toward the defensive zone and shoot the puck toward the goalie. It almost goes in, but the goalie knocks it away.
“Farrah, not bad!” Mel encourages.
Andie rams her player into me from behind. “Take that, Farrah!”
I snort a laugh. “I see you play just like your husband.”
“Harsh,” Mitch says from the couch.
I worry my bottom lip and wiggle the knobs on my controller, unable to get my player to do what I want. It doesn’t help that Andie keeps running me over with her player.
I’m pressing the same button over and over when a warm hand covers mine. I look over my shoulder to find Bruce sitting on the floor right behind me. He brings both arms around me and places a hand over each of mine, his thumbs showing mine where to sit on the controller and how to move the little wands. My whole body feels fuzzy with him so close; I can’t hear a word he’s saying.
“Like this,” he says, repeating himself. His voice low and smooth as butter. “See?” His breath warms my neck, but everyone is watching, so I act like this is totally normal and remind myself to breathe. Just a friend helping a friend.
I try to do what he showed me, and my player is finally moving back in the direction I wanted. Bruce casually moves away from me, taking his warmth with him.
I exhale for the first time since his hands covered mine.
As much as I want to melt and think about the way his hands felt, I straighten my spine instead. Pretending I’m unaffected.
I move my player down the ice, and he scores a goal. Andie groans.
“There you go,” Bruce says from where he’s now sitting on the couch beside my brother. “Good work.”