Chapter 24
Bailey
I should have been shocked, but I wasn't. Not after everything Van had gone through already. He had to be the unluckiest man I knew.
Alex promised to keep an eye out for the guy and even suggested I get security cameras for the shop. I wasn't sure I wanted to go that far, but something had to be done. Van would shut down, I was positive, and I had to do what I could to prevent it.
We'd managed to salvage our night, albeit less enthusiastically. I'd cooked for him, and we'd gone back to curl up in bed—silently. Despite my urge to press him, I held it inside me to give him time to come to terms with this recent development.
He went to work as usual, but I hated to see him leave. God only knew what lurked in the night shadows, and he had to walk three blocks east and one more to the south to reach the plant. Not surprisingly, he refused my offer to drive him.
We stood by my front door, and I squeezed him tightly. "Be careful." Inevitably, my life would end up changing to match his schedule. I could already feel it coming.
"Always am," he responded, and that was one truth I knew in my bones.
Unable to go back to sleep, I brewed coffee and cleaned my apartment.
Heidi watched me from the couch as I vacuumed, apparently unaffected by the noise.
Charlie bolted under my bed, of course, only to return once I put away the mechanical beast. Wiping a small bead of sweat off my forehead, I tried to put my worries out of my mind.
It was impossible.
I needed to plan; that was how I thrived.
A schedule, a to-do list, days of the year set aside for grieving, and a few for adventure and vacation.
That way, I knew what was expected of me.
But, Jesus, Van had turned all of that on its head.
Hell, it had to mean something that I met him on the anniversary of my parents’ death.
A day that always felt like it was full of despair had instead given me something immeasurably beautiful this year.
If we went to the police, maybe they could help us figure out who this stranger was.
Lurking around wasn't exactly illegal, but given Van's past, we could reasonably assume it was someone with ill intentions.
If they identified him, it might assuage our fears.
Van didn't need to hide anymore if what Beth said was true.
One random loner looking to cause trouble shouldn't be enough to force him back into his shell.
Only once my place was spotless did I give in and get dressed for the day.
It was still stupidly early, but sitting at home wouldn't cut it today.
Instead, I leashed Heidi and took her out back, walking to the water's edge to let her chase squirrels and waves.
Foam built at her feet with the succession of the water's movement, and she yipped happily, snapping at it and then looking confused that she hadn't been able to catch the ethereal surf.
Watching her play was enough to make me happy for a bit.
On the way back home, I thought about the Saint Andrew medal my father wore every day without fail.
I'd seen it in pictures of him, but I had no actual memory of it.
It hadn't helped him in the end, had it?
Superstition, religion, caution . . . none of it had worked when the storm came to claim their vessel.
In this instance, I couldn't say why my parents popped into my head, but I knew my subconscious was trying to tell me something.
Maybe it was the idea that all the bubble wrap in the world can't save the unsavable or change what fate has planned for us.
That caused a shiver to come over me, and Heidi turned to look at me as we walked down the sidewalk. Letting us back inside the apartment, I made sure she had water before calling to Charlie to follow me downstairs.
I needed my friends.
Unsure what to say, I stood in the warm kitchen as a chill seeped into my body. It was soul-deep, threatening, and I couldn't pinpoint its origin. "Alex."
"Bailey?" With a frown, Alex crossed the room and held his arms out.
The simple embrace calmed a small piece of the storm inside me. "I have no idea what's up with me today, but I'm spooked."
"It's early as hell. What are you gonna do this morning?" He looked concerned, but I wasn't sure what he could do for me.
"Coffee. Food. Then maybe visit Ro." I hadn't really seen her in a while, so maybe I'd get some grocery shopping knocked out before Bookish opened. She'd be at Of the Ocean by now, setting out the day's fresh produce and fish.
"Good plan. Need me to keep an eye on Furry Fucker?"
Chuckling, I felt better already. "I can send him back upstairs to keep Heidi entertained."
Which I did before accepting the large coffee and handful of banana nut muffins to share with Ro and Liam. I wished I could stop in and see Van since I would be so close, but I knew better than that. Most days, he didn't even stop for lunch.
The lights along the marina beckoned, and I meandered to my friends' store as I sipped coffee. We'd figure something out, that was all there was to it.
Stepping inside, I listened to the sound of the ocean disappearing at my back with the closing of the door. Ro came up the main aisle, a smile splitting her face when she spotted me.
"Bay!" Nearly rushing me, she wrapped me up in a hug and rested her chin on my head. "Haven't seen you in ages."
"Sorry."
"That's okay." She stepped back. "I hear it's because you have a new man."
My cheeks heated. "You've heard correctly."
"Who's here so early, Ro?" Liam came up front, grinning when he saw me.
"You two have a way of making me feel special," I commented as he picked me up in a bear hug.
"What's up, buttercup?" he asked.
"I needed to get out of my head, so I brought muffins."
"Alex is a baking god," Ro said, snagging a muffin out of the bag I held up and passing it to Liam.
He moaned as he took a bite, winking at her. Her cheeks flushing, she pushed against his shoulder while I bit back a smile.
"Why are you in your head?" Ro asked finally.
"Weird guy creeping around. He was in my shop the other day, and then in the bakery yesterday."
"That is weird, but why would it bother you?"
Oh, how best to answer her question? "You both know Van by now."
Nodding, Liam said, "You don't have to explain anything else."
"Really? Why?" I was unaware they knew about his background.
"Anyone who pays in cash, avoids humans, and skulks around town is self-explanatory."
"The same could be said for this new guy, though," I pointed out. "And Van is a good guy who did the right thing in the wrong manner."
Liam snorted. "That certainly clears things up."
Impatient with the thought he was judging Van, I snapped, "Surely, you know his character by now. You see him every day."
"Yeah, but he doesn't reveal his life's story to me. We exchange talk about the fish, the weather, and how the store is faring."
Sounded like Van, alright. "The point is, he just learned the threat he thought he was facing no longer exists. Yet there's this guy asking about him."
"Stranger danger," Ro muttered. "You need to stay away from him."
"I can't do that if he comes into the store."
"True," she said. "Have you thought about talking to Kay or Eric?"
"I was contemplating it this morning."
"They're your best bet, especially if Van isn't a fugitive after all." When I glared at him, Liam shrugged. "That's the vibe he gives off. Didn't say I judged him for it."
"He likes you," I murmured. "Talks about how you break up his monotonous days."
"Good, because I like him too. Bring him around any time."
"I'm working on it, but he has more issues than Better Homes and Gardens."
Ro chuckled at my poor attempt at a quip, but she pulled me in for another hug. "You'll figure it out. You're a smart motherfucker."
"Gee, thanks."
But I felt better after visiting them and picking up some fresh fruit.
After retrieving Charlie and opening the doors to Bookish, I set out the sign and hoped the guy would stay away if Van wasn't around.
The last thing I wanted was a confrontation.
I dusted the shelves while munching on an apple and waited for passersby to realize there was more to this town than the beach.
Van came in after his shift ended, as I knew he would. He looked tired, but mostly okay. The hug he gave me rivaled Liam's, and that was saying a lot.
"How are you doing?" I asked.
"Not terrible. Just worried."
"I'm sorry, baby."
Backing up, Van wandered down an aisle while watching my face above the books. "What if Beth was wrong?"
My mouth felt dry, and my heart thumped painfully. "I don't see how, but we'll figure something out. Just like we planned before we heard from her."
"You once told me your heart is embedded in these floorboards. I won't let you leave that behind."
"And I told you that you don't get to decide for me." My voice was rougher than I intended, but I wouldn't allow him to push me away again.
"No, but if I have to leave after all, you aren't abandoning your dreams for me."
"Funny, that sounds an awful lot like you deciding for me."
"Goddammit!" he shouted. It was uncharacteristic for him to have such an outburst, and the sight of it killed me.
Charlie took off like a fire had been lit under his ass, flattening his body until he could fit under the shelves along the wall.
Lifting my eyebrows, I rested my fists on my hips and stared back at Van's furious expression. I didn't know how to respond to him when he got like this.
"You're too fucking important to risk," he said.
"I'm willing to accept whatever risk you represent. Or haven't you noticed?"
A tempest brewed in his eyes, but I would not back down. He had to learn that I was in this for the long haul. His breathing came faster, his chest heaving.
And then I saw tears well up, and my heart fractured just a little more.
"Bailey." Taking a deep breath, he said, "I don't want to leave you."
"Then don't—"
"But I won't put you in jeopardy, either."
Why did it have to be so hard to love him? I envied my friends; just once, I wanted what they had. Simplicity. Freedom.
"Listen to me very carefully," I said. "You will not push me away."
When he dropped his head, I knew that was what he'd planned. "I don't want to."
"But you’ll try."
"If it keeps you safe?" Lifting his head, he met my gaze across the books I loved almost as dearly as I loved him. "I'll walk away every time."
I had to turn my back to find something to focus on other than his damn gorgeous face. There was only so much battering I could withstand, and my hull was cracking.
"Again and again, Bailey, if that's what it takes."
"You'd rather I hate you? Is that it?"
"Wh-what?"
My shoulders shook, and I couldn't keep going. Sitting heavily in the armchair, I gazed out the window. Despite the squall happening in my shop, the sun kept shining, tourists winding their way down the alley to the ocean. I thought the water had finally given to me, rather than taking.
Turns out, I was wrong.
"I told you once that if you and I got together, then I needed you to be strong for me." My words came out distorted as I felt tears pouring down my face. "You promised me, Van."
"I promised to go into WITSEC so we could be together."
"Yes." Wiping my face, I said, "And in exchange for no longer running, I gave you every cell of my body. I kept my promise."
"What if witness protection isn't the answer? If they rip me from you anyway, then what have we gained?" I could tell by the nearness of his voice that he'd moved closer.
"I don't think you understand my words."
"You want to be with me, no matter what you have to give up. I want you to have what you want, what you need, even if it isn't with me."
"Fuck me, Van!" Standing, I spun to face him. "What I have is nothing without you!"
Shaking his head, he backed up once more. "I'm drowning, baby. Fucking drowning, and I can't seem to make myself swim, even if it'll save my life."
"You'd rather go down without a fight." Pursing my lips, I nodded. God, I had always hoped that wasn't true about him.
"I'm sick of running, Bailey. Sick of hiding. But if it's what I have to do . . ."
"You know I never cared who you were or what you did, I just wanted to be part of your life somehow. In whatever way possible." I sniffed, watching him watching me. I felt defeated. "All the fighting we did to be together, and this is how it's ending?"
Van's face went pale as the moon. "It's not over, Bailey. Don't say that."
"You won't fight for me, much less yourself." Closing my eyes, I said, "You won't even save yourself."
"What can I do?" I felt him, then, his tentative touch on my skin. Lifting my face, he pressed his lips to my forehead, my cheeks. "What's the right thing?"
"I need you to do the right thing on your own, Van Davies." Opening my eyes, I saw the darkening in his gaze, wishing things were different for us. "You have to decide what’s best for you, just like I do."
"I don't want to make the wrong choice."
"I know." Resting my palm on his chest, I said, "You have a good heart, Van. Listen to it."
When he crushed my body to his, I didn't resist. Instead, I let myself feel his embrace, melding our bodies into one unit. My love for him was about to pull me underwater with him, and I wasn't sure if I was strong enough to save us both.