4. Kim
KIM
Idon’t remember half that drive home. I just remember sitting at a red light on Seven Mile and realizing I’d been crying so hard I couldn’t even see straight.
My lip was throbbing and my wig was halfway lifting.
One of my earrings was gone and my dress had cake icing and somebody’s potato salad on it.
Hell, I had half the baby shower on me. I looked in the mirror and let out a little laugh.
“Damn, Kim you really got your ass beat.” I mumbled.
A tear rolled right behind it, that laugh ain’t last long at all.
Everything that happened started playing back in my head walking through them doors and everybody turning around looking at me.
Holding them gift bags like that was going to make Deuce finally stop lying.
Thinking he was gone stand ten toes down for me.
Instead Alisha flew across that room like she’d been waiting on me her whole damn life. I rubbed my jaw, she definitely got a few good ones in. Seeing Shante laid out on that floor made my stomach drop all over again. Everybody screaming, somebody yelling for an ambulance. Malik holding her.
I closed my eyes because I’d seen that kind of panic before.
Just from the other side, the first miscarriage I kept asking the doctor if they were sure.
The second one I ain’t even cry at first, I just stared at the ceiling.
By the third one I stopped buying baby clothes, stopped telling people I was pregnant.
Stopped letting myself get excited. Seeing Shante holding her stomach for just a second I forgot all about Deuce. I forgot about Alisha, I just wanted them babies to be okay. They ain’t ask to be born into none of this. I pulled into my driveway and cut the truck off.
The house looked just as lonely as it felt.
As soon as I got inside, I stripped my clothes off and went straight upstairs, I needed today off me.
The hot water hit my face and all my makeup started running.
I watched it swirl down the drain. Then I caught myself looking at my reflection.
“Damn…” I looked terrible, not because Alisha beat my ass but because I looked embarrassed.
I grabbed the washcloth and scrubbed my face harder than I needed to and then my mind drifted back to Deuce.
He looked at me and I couldn’t figure out what look was on his face.
Anger or disappointment, maybe both. I thought he’d fight for me instead he ain’t say nothing.
I turned the shower off and wrapped myself in a towel.
When I walked into my bedroom, my eyes landed on one of Deuce’s hoodies laying across the chair.
I picked it up and still smelled like him.
I slid down the side of the bed crying and one thing finally clicked.
I’d been dealing with Deuce almost five years and yesterday was the first time I’d ever seen his family.
I ain’t know his grandma, his cousins, his aunties none of them.
Meanwhile everybody knew Alisha, loved and protected her.
And when she started beating my ass ain’t nobody try to stop her.
They jumped in behind her because she belonged there and I didn’t.
That realization hurt worse than every punch she threw.
Maybe I really was just the side bitch. My phone buzzed and I snatched it up so fast I almost dropped it.
I looked at it and it said Unknown number I knew it wasn’t Deuce so I let it ring.
I barely made it downstairs before somebody started beating on my front door.
BAM! BAM! BAM! I froze in the middle of my living room.
Who the hell was coming to my house this early?
Another hard ass knock shook the door. I slowly walked over and looked through the peephole and it was Rell. My stomach dropped because I had a feeling this wasn’t gone be a friendly visit. I unlocked the door and barely cracked it before his hand shoved it open.
I stumbled backward. “Rell, what the hell—”
He grabbed the front of my shirt and shoved me against the wall and my head snapped back.
“You done lost your motherfuckin’ mind?” He spat.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“The fuck you don’t.” His face was tight with anger. “Deuce sitting in jail.”
“I know.”
“And you standing here acting confused?”
“I didn’t put him in jail.” I replied.
Rell laughed, “See, that’s the shit that’s pissing me off. You think I’m stupid?”
“I’m not saying that.” I said.
“Then what the fuck you saying? You knew the Feds were watching him.”
“I didn’t know shit.” I spat. “Yeah my daddy is the FBI but I didn’t have shit to do with that.”
His grip tightened around my shirt. “So Deuce just happens to get locked up right after your crazy ass walked into that baby shower being messy?”
I stared at him. “That ain’t got nothing to do with me.”
“You sure?” He asked.
“Yes!”
He shoved me back against the wall again. “Because right now, you’re the only person that makes sense.”
Tears filled my eyes. “I love Deuce.”
“Here you go with that shit.” He replied while shaking his head.
“I do!”
“That’s all you got to say?” He shook his head again. “You know what I think?”
I didn’t answer.
“I think your ass has been feeding your daddy information.”
My eyes widened. “What?”
“Don’t play dumb with me.”
“I swear to God, I ain’t told my daddy nothing.”
“Then how the fuck did the Feds know enough to grab Deuce?”
“I don’t know!”
“Exactly.” He stared at me. “You don’t know.”
“I don’t know.”
“You expect me to believe that?”
I started crying. “Rell, I swear…”
He finally let go of my shirt. I stumbled forward and caught myself against the couch. He pointed at me. “You better start telling the truth.”
“I am!”
“You know what’s at stake?” He yelled.
“Yes.”
“No, you don’t.” He paced across my living room. “Deuce in jail means everybody around him gotta watch their back. My name connected to that shit. You think I’m about to sit around and wait for the Feds to come knocking on my door too?”
I wiped my face. “I didn’t do anything.”
Rell stopped walking. “You did enough.”
I frowned. “What does that mean?”
“It means you walked into that baby shower knowing damn well you weren’t wanted.”
“I had a right to be there.”
He laughed. “A right? You weren’t invited.”
“I had a right because those babies are mine too.”
Rell stared at me for a few seconds. Then he shook his head. “You really don’t get it.”
“Get what?”
“You keep saying ‘mine. Those babies didn’t make you his woman. They made you the side bitch with a baby daddy problem.”
My face burned. “Don’t call me that.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m not.”
“You are.” He stepped closer. “Alisha, his wife. You the side bitch.”
I shook my head. “He loves me.”
Rell looked at me like I had completely lost my damn mind. “If he loved you the way you think he does…Why have you been hidden all these years?”
That question shut me up.
“You ain’t been to Thanksgiving, Christmas, Birthdays, Family cookouts. You ain’t even know his grandma.” Yesterday was the first time his whole family even knew your face.” He shook his head. “And you're still sitting here talking about love.”
I looked away, that shit hurt because deep down, I already knew.
Rell stepped closer again. “And don’t get me started on this damn surrogate shit.”
I looked up. “What about it?”
He laughed in disbelief. “Your ass really got Deuce’s sister carrying your babies.
That’s some toxic-ass shit. His wife sitting there thinking the babies belong to her best friend and are her niece and nephew.
When they really are her step kids. This is some shit you read in one of those urban fiction books or watch on Tubi. This whole situation is crazy as hell.”
“He was trying to make me happy.”
“That ain’t what I’m talking about. I’m talking about the fact that everybody got dragged into some shit that started because you wanted a family.”
I swallowed hard. “I didn’t ask Shante to do it. Deuce did.”
“And somehow everybody else’s life falling apart behind it.” He replied.
I looked down. He wasn’t wrong, but I still couldn’t let go of Deuce.
Rell grabbed my chin and made me look at him. “Listen to me. You got Deuce in jail. You got his family ready to tear your ass apart. And you got me sitting here wondering if your daddy's been using your ass to get close to him.”
“I haven’t told my father anything!”
“You better not have!”
He let my face go. I wiped my tears and looked at him. “What do you want me to do?”
“Fix this shit.” He spat.
“How?”
“I don’t give a damn how. You started this bullshit. Now you figure out how to clean it up.”
“I can’t get Deuce out of jail.”
“Then find somebody who can.”
“I don’t know what the FBI has.”
“Then find out.”
I stared at him. “Rell…”
He stepped toward me again. “And don’t think I’m playing with you.” His voice dropped. “If this shit comes back on me…” He pointed at me. “…I’m coming straight to you.”
My breathing got shaky. “I swear I didn’t tell my daddy anything.”
“You better be telling the truth.” He headed toward the door then he stopped.
He turned around and looked at me one more time.
“ I ain’t going down behind you.” His eyes stayed on mine.
“And if I find out you the reason Deuce sitting in that cell…” He paused.
“…you gone have a whole lot more to worry about than Alisha beating your ass.”
He walked out and slammed the door behind him.
I stood there frozen. My heart was beating so hard I could hear it.
Rell thought I was the snake. The FBI had Deuce, I didn’t know what was going on with Shante and my babies.
I slowly sat down on the couch and covered my face.
I didn’t know how the hell I was supposed to fix any of this.
But one thing I did know was I wasn't ready to lose Deuce. You can’t help who you love.
Maybe him being in jail will make him realize he loves me more!
I was sitting on the couch staring at my phone when it started ringing.
I looked down and it was Deuce. My heart jumped.
I grabbed it before it could ring again. An automated voice came through first.
“This is a prepaid collect call from Wayne County Jail. This call is subject to monitoring and recording. To accept this call, press one.”
I pressed one.
“Hello?” I answered.
“What sup.”
Just hearing his voice made my chest loosen.
“Hey.”
He sounded tired. I could hear doors slamming in the background and somebody yelling down the hallway. For a second, I forgot everything, I thought maybe he was calling because he missed me. Maybe sitting in that cell had finally made him realize how bad yesterday got.
Maybe he was calling to apologize. Then he said the one thing I wasn’t expecting. “I need you to stay away from Alisha.”
I sat there staring at the television. That’s what this was? Not an apology, not asking how I was doing. Not even asking if I was okay after getting my ass beat in front of his whole family. He called me from jail to tell me to stay away from his wife.
I sucked my teeth. “I wasn’t going over there.”
He reminded me not to call his family, not to go looking for his lawyer, and not to do anything that could make his situation worse.
I barely said anything. What was I supposed to say?
He was sitting in jail, and somehow he was still worried about controlling what I did.
Then he told me he had to go and just like that the call ended.
I sat there with the phone in my hand. I don’t know why I expected more.
Maybe because I still loved him. Maybe because I thought being locked up would make him realize how much he needed me.
Instead, he sounded more worried about keeping me away from Alisha than he did about what happened to me.
That shit hurt, I tossed my phone onto the couch and stood up.
I walked into the kitchen and opened the refrigerator even though I wasn’t hungry. I just needed something to do. I grabbed a bottle of water and leaned against the counter, Deuce was still Deuce. Even sitting in the county, he was trying to control everything.
And the worst part, I still wanted to believe he was doing it because he cared. I shook my head. “Girl, you stupid.” I took a sip of water. Maybe I was but I still wasn't ready to let him go.