10. Kim
KIM
Isat on the edge of my bed staring at the wall, trying to make sense of the shit Deuce had said to me.
He really told me to stay the fuck away from him.
That was the part I couldn’t wrap my head around.
I had sacrificed a lot for that man. I accepted being kept in the shadows because he always made me believe there was a reason.
I missed out on holidays, family functions, and birthdays. All the little things women in real relationships got to have without begging for them. I couldn’t even walk into a room with him without wondering who might recognize me and I swallowed all that shit because I loved him.
I thought eventually it would be worth it.
Then there was the baby that was something I wanted more than anything. When things didn’t work out naturally, I agreed to the craziest arrangement imaginable because Deuce told me he would make it right and I believed him.
Now here I was with two babies on the way, a man sitting in the county, and no idea where the hell I stood with him. I wiped my face. “What the fuck did I do to deserve this?” That question kept circling my head. But one thing bothered me more than everything else, he really thought I set him up.
I knew my father was from the FBI and I knew exactly what kind of man he was when it came to his job.
Once he smelled something wrong, he didn’t stop digging but Deuce knew that too.
He knew I could’ve opened my mouth a long time ago.
I could’ve told my father about the trucking company.
I could’ve told him what I knew about Deuce’s business and given him names, but I didn’t and I protected Deuce.
Even when protecting him meant lying to my own father. Even when it meant putting myself in a position where I could look guilty by association. I never told my father what Deuce was doing with those trucks. Not because I didn’t know but because I loved him.
That was what Deuce didn’t understand. He thought the FBI came after him because I talked. But my father didn’t need me to tell him anything. He was a damn FBI agent, he knew how to investigate and build a case.
And now Deuce was sitting in the county jail convinced his own side piece had turned on him. I laughed bitterly. “After all this time?” I shook my head. “You really don’t know me at all.” I said to myself.
I picked up my phone and opened Deuce’s picture.
My thumb hovered over his name. I wanted to call, I wanted to cuss him out.
I wanted to ask him how he could look me in my face and accuse me of something like that.
But I already knew how that conversation would go.
He’d tell me I was the problem and to leave him alone.
And my dumb ass probably still be sitting here afterward crying over his ass.
I tossed the phone onto the bed. I hated how much power that man still had over me.
I was still the one sitting here trying to figure out how to prove I hadn’t betrayed him.
When the truth was simple, I would’ve never turned Deuce in.
I loved that man enough to keep his secrets.
And somehow that still wasn’t enough for him.
I couldn’t sit around watching Deuce’s life fall apart.
I needed to do something but before I could even figure out what, my mind kept going back to that visit.
The way he looked at me and the way he barely wanted to sit across from me and those words leave me the fuck alone.
Deuce ain’t never said no shit to me like that.
Not even when we argued or I was being a bitch.
He had always found a way to pull me back in.
This time, there wasn’t anything behind his eyes but anger.
He told me when the babies were born, I could pick them up.
Like they were some damn package he was dropping off.
He didn’t want nothing to do with me or them.
I had sat there trying to keep myself from falling apart right in front of him.
But that shit broke something in me. I had sacrificed so much for that man and now he was looking at me like I was the biggest mistake he ever made.
The part that hurt the most was when he said he wasn’t going to let any of us tear up his family.
He said his family like I wasn’t supposed to be part of it.
Like the babies weren’t supposed to make us a family too, then he walked away.
Just left me sitting there looking stupid.
I wiped my face. I hated that I still wanted to run after him even after all the foul shit he said.
That’s when I realized how deep I was in this shit I wasn’t just hurt, I was scared.
Scared that Deuce really meant what he said about once the babies were born, he would completely disappear from my life.
And scared that I had spent all these years believing in something that never really belonged to me. I picked up my phone and called my father. He answered after a few rings. “Kim.”
“Daddy, I need you to help Deuce.”
There was a pause.
“Kim, I can’t do that.”
“You haven’t even heard me out.” I whined.
“I know what you’re calling about.”
I started pacing around my living room. “You need to help him get out.”
“That’s not my decision.” He answered.
“You’re the one investigating him.”
“That doesn’t mean I can make his charges disappear.”
I sucked my teeth. “I’m not asking you to make anything disappear.”
“Then what are you asking?”
I took a breath. “I need you to understand why he needs to be home.”
“Why?” He asked.
I hesitated.
“Because he’s about to be a father.”
My father went quiet.
“Kim…”
“I’m serious.”
“You’re pregnant?”
“No.”
I frowned. “Shante is.”
There was silence.
“What?”
“Shante is carrying Deuce’s twins.”
My father didn’t say anything. I could hear his breathing through the phone. “Shante?”
“Yes.”
“Deuce’s sister?”
“Yes.”
“Kim, what the hell are you talking about?” My father yelled.
“She’s our surrogate.”
The silence that followed was so long I thought the call had dropped. “You’re telling me Deuce’s sister is carrying your babies?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Because we couldn’t have them ourselves.”
My father exhaled slowly.
“And Deuce agreed to this?”
“Of course.”
“Does his wife know?”
I didn’t answer.
“Kim?”
“No.”
Another silence my father finally spoke. “Kim, this is…”
“I know it’s complicated.”
His voice stayed calm. “I’m trying to understand what you’re telling me.”
I wiped my face.“I’m telling you Deuce has babies coming.”
“And he needs to be home when they’re born.”
My father sighed. “Kim, that doesn’t change the investigation.”
“But you could help him.”
“I can’t.”
“Daddy, please.”
“I understand why you’re asking. But my job doesn’t change because you’re having his children through a surrogate.”
“ You’re being heartless.”
“I’m being your father and an FBI agent at the same time.”
“Those babies deserve their father. And if Deuce is charged, he’ll have the legal process to deal with.” I shook my head. “You don’t understand.”
“Maybe I don’t.” My father responded.
“But I love him.”
“I know you do.”
“And I just want him home.”
“I know.” He paused. “But Kim, you need to understand something too.”
“What?”
“Love doesn’t change evidence.” I stared at the floor. “And pregnancy doesn’t erase charges.” He let me know.
My eyes filled with tears. “I just thought you’d help me.”
“I can’t do that.”
The call ended and I sat there with the phone in my hand. My father had no idea about Shante, now he did. I wiped my face. “He’ll come home.” I had to believe that. Because if I stopped believing that I didn’t know what the hell I had left.
A few weeks had passed, and I still couldn’t shake Deuce.
I knew he had court that morning. I also knew I probably had no business being there.
But I didn’t give a damn I needed to see him.
I pulled into the courthouse parking lot, sat in my car for a minute, then grabbed my purse and headed inside.
I kept my head down and found a seat toward the back.
I wasn’t trying to be seen, I wasn’t trying to cause no scene.
I just wanted to look at Deuce. Maybe seeing him would make me feel better, maybe it wouldn’t.
Either way, I needed to see for myself how he was holding up.
A few minutes later, the courtroom doors opened and Deuce walked in with his attorney. My heart damn near jumped out my chest.
He looked tired. His beard had grown out, his face looked harder, and he had lost some of that cocky look he always carried.
County was wearing his ass down. I watched him take his seat.
Then I noticed Alisha was sitting with Grandma Lorraine.
I immediately looked away. I should’ve known better.
A few minutes later, I felt eyes on me. I looked up and Alisha was staring straight at me.
Her facial expression changed instantly. She leaned over and said something to Grandma Lorraine before getting up. I already knew she was about to come over here on bullshit so I grabbed my purse and headed outside. I made it to my car before she caught up with me.
“Kim!” Alisha yelled.
I stopped and turned around. She was walking toward me fast as hell. “You got some fucking nerve.”
I rolled my eyes. “I came to court.”
“I know why you came.” She stepped closer. “You need to stay the fuck away from my husband.”
I laughed. “Girl, here you go at this point that’s our husband.”
“You came to my best friend’s baby shower and embarrassed yourself and got your ass beat! And now you showing up at his court date like I won’t beat your ass here too?” She looked me up and down. “You really don’t know when to quit.”
I smiled. “And you really don’t know how to mind your business.”
She stepped closer. “Bitch, that’s my husband he is my fucking business.”
“And I’m supposed to care?” I taunted.
Her jaw tightened. “Watch your mouth.”
“Or what?” I spat.
She stared at me. For a second, neither one of us said anything.
There were a couple of police officers walking by.
“The police saved your ass. I swear to God every time I see you I’m beating yo trifling ass.
The only reason I haven’t put my foot up your ass is because I gotta get home to my daughter.
” She turned around and started walking away.
I watched her go. She had that same attitude she had at the shower, but I couldn’t even be mad. Because I knew exactly who she was fighting for. And I knew exactly who Deuce was looking for when he walked into that courtroom. I went back inside a few minutes later and took my seat.
When Deuce finally looked toward the gallery, his eyes moved across the room.
Then they landed on Alisha and everything about his face changed.
His shoulders relaxed and his eyes softened.
He stared at her for a few seconds longer than he needed to.
Like he was checking on her without saying a word.
Then his eyes moved and they landed on me.
There was no smile, no warmth. Just a quick glance before he looked away.
That shit hurt because I had spent years convincing myself that what Deuce and I had was real enough to compete with his marriage, but sitting there watching him look at Alisha I finally saw the difference.
He didn’t look at her like she was somebody he was trying to keep. He looked at her like she was somebody he couldn’t afford to lose. I never had a chance to be with Deuce the way I wanted in the first damn place Alisha has his heart. I was just a dumb ass side chick.