13. Deuce
DEUCE
County had a way of making a nigga appreciate the dumbest shit today it was my bathroom.
I was laid back on that hard ass bunk thinking about my bathroom at home, my shower, my towels.
Being able to take a shit without another grown man ten feet away.
That alone was enough to make a nigga change his whole life.
I stared up at the ceiling and another court date had come and gone.
Alisha had been there, she been showing up lately, but that didn’t mean shit between us was good.
My wife knew how to play her position. She wasn’t about to have everybody in that courtroom looking at her sideways or trying to figure out what was happening in our marriage.
She came in looking good, sat with Grandma Lorraine, listened to everything, and left.
There was no visit afterward and she still wasn’t accepting my calls. Wasn’t trying to get close enough for me to whisper anything to her. Shit, half the time she barely looked my way. And I couldn’t even say she was wrong.
At court that morning, I’d caught her eyes once.
I gave her a little head nod. She looked at me for about two seconds, then turned her attention right back toward the judge.
Alisha could cuss me out, throw something, tell me to kiss her ass.
I could deal with all that, but this quiet shit?
Nah, I hated this shit. What really had me fucked up was Brittany.
I hadn’t seen my baby since before all this shit happened.
Alisha wasn’t bringing her to no damn courthouse, and I couldn’t blame her for that.
That wasn’t no place for our daughter, but knowing that didn’t make me miss her any less.
I wondered what she was doing. If she was asking about me or If she was mad at me.
If she even understood why Daddy hadn’t been home.
That shit ate at me. I laid back and thought about all the little shit I used to complain about. Brittany climbing in our bed, her leaving toys everywhere or asking me seventeen questions while I was trying to watch tv. A smile spread across my face, I’d give anything to hear that shit right now.
I’d let her climb in my bed every damn night.
She could leave toys from the front door to the bedroom and ask me a hundred questions.
I would watch the same cartoon until I knew every damn word.
I wouldn’t complain about shit. I just wanted my baby.
I missed my wife just as much. I missed her attitude and her smart ass mouth.
The way she’d walk past me when she was mad and put a little extra switch in her ass because she knew I was looking.
I missed waking up beside her. I missed walking through the door and hearing her somewhere in the house.
It didn't matter if she was cooking, doing nails, fussing about something I forgot to do, or laid across the bed scrolling through her phone.
She was there, I had that. A wife, a daughter and a happy home, and still went looking for more.
“Dumb-ass nigga.” I shook my head. Kim had never been worth losing all that.
And I wasn’t putting everything on her either.
I made every decision that got me here. Nobody made me fuck her.
Nobody made me keep going back and lying.
Nobody made me create a whole separate situation behind my wife’s back.
That was all me, and for what? Some pussy? My ego? Having somebody on the side who wasn’t expecting me to be a husband every damn day? Whatever excuse I’d used back then sounded stupid as fuck now.
If I could make all this shit go away I swear to God cheating wasn’t even an option.
I could be in a room with Beyoncé, Rihanna, and every thick bitch in Detroit butt ass naked.
I’m calling my wife and telling her to come get me because it’s an emergency.
A chuckle escaped me. A nigga learned the hard fucking way, but I learned.
One of the dudes across from me looked over.
“What’s funny?” He asked.
“Nothing.”
“Must be something.” He replied.
“Thinking about my wife.”
He shook his head. “That ain’t never funny.”
“Mine is.”
“She still fucking with you?” He asked with raised eyebrows.
I looked at him. “Mind your business.”
He laughed. “That means no.”
“Man, fuck you.”
He went back to whatever he was doing. I shook my head, but he wasn’t wrong.
Alisha was showing up, that was it, and I knew better than to confuse the two.
Her being in that courtroom didn’t mean she’d forgiven me.
It meant she was Alisha. She could be mad enough to never speak to me again and still not let outsiders sit around watching our marriage fall apart.
That was one thing about my wife. She was solid.
More solid than I’d been to her. That realization sat ugly with me.
Because the fucked up part was, if I made it through all this legal shit, I still had another bomb waiting on me.
Those babies and Shante. Alisha still didn’t know and every day that passed made that shit harder to explain.
At first, I kept thinking I’d figure out the right time.
There wasn’t no right fucking time. How did you tell your wife your sister was carrying twins for the woman you’d been cheating with? There wasn’t no smooth way to deliver that shit, no apology big enough. No explanation that made it sound less fucked up.
And Alisha wasn’t dumb she was going to put every piece together. The baby shower and Kim showing up. Shante being pregnant and all the gifts she’d bought and every time Shante sat in her face pretending those were her and Malik’s babies.
Then she was going to look at me and I already knew what she’d see.
A nigga who had made a fool out of her. I rubbed my hands over my face.
For the first time in my life, getting out wasn’t the only thing on my mind.
Because what the fuck was I getting out to?
I could beat every charge they threw at me and still walk out of the county with nothing.
No wife waiting, no Brittany running into my arms or a home that felt like mine anymore.
The government could take years from me, but that wasn’t what scared me the most. The thought of finally walking out those doors and realizing my own bullshit had already taken my family from me was the part I couldn’t shake.
A couple days later, my name got called for a visit.
I sat up on the bunk. I hadn’t put in for nobody and Rell usually let me know when he was coming, and Shante hadn’t been up here.
I thought maybe Alisha had finally decided to come see me.
I got escorted down, sat at the little visitation station, and waited.
Then Grandma Lorraine appeared on the other side.
I sat back. “Aw, fuck.”
She picked up the phone, I picked mine up slower. “Hey, Grandma.”
“Don’t hey Grandma me.”
Here we go. “What do I do?”
Her eyes damn near came out of her head. “What do you do?” She asked sarcastically.
I already knew then Shante snitching ass told her.
“Grandma—”
“You got your sister carrying babies for your side bitch?”
I closed my eyes. “Keep your voice down.”
“Boy, don’t tell me what to do.”
I looked around. “Grandma, we are in the county.”
“And?” She let me know.
“And these phones ain’t private like that.” I whispered.
“Well, maybe your ass should’ve thought about privacy before you created a damn family project out of your affair.”
I rubbed my forehead. “Shante told you.”
“She had to! I went over to that girl’s apartment and thought somebody had burglarized the place.”
I looked at her confused. “What?”
“Malik took everything.”
I frowned. “What you mean everything?”
“Couch, tv, dishes, pots and pants. Damn near everything that wasn’t nailed down.”
“That nigga took her shit?”
“He bought it.”
“Man, fuck that.” I spat, that was some hoe ass shit. What type of nigga take shit from a female.
“See! That’s your problem right there.” Grandma pointed through the glass. “Always ready to be mad at somebody else about some shit you started.”
I leaned back. “I ain’t tell Malik to clean her apartment out.”
“No, you just had his woman carrying your babies while letting that man believe they belonged to him.”
I didn’t have shit to say to that, grandma shook her head. “He left that girl one bath towel and one face towel.”
My eyebrows went up. “One?”
“One.”
I looked away, trying not to react. Grandma caught me. “Don’t you laugh.”
“I ain’t laughing.” I smirked.
“Your face is.”
“One towel is crazy.”
“Deuce!”
“Aight, damn.”
She shook her head. “I can’t stand y’all.”
I leaned forward. “How is Shante doing?”
“Now you concerned?”
“That’s my sister.”
“And Alisha is your wife.”
Grandma stared at me. “Does Alisha know?”
I looked away.
“Deuce.”
“No.”
“I knew it.” Grandma leaned back and closed her eyes.“Lord, these kids are trying to send me to glory before my time.”
“Grandma—”
“No, you listen.” She leaned toward the glass again. “That woman has been sitting at them court dates supporting you while you got this big ass secret hanging over her head.”
“She ain’t supporting me.”
“She’s there, ain’t she?”
I sucked my teeth. “She barely looks at me.”
“Can you blame her?”
“Nah.”
“Then hush.”
I rubbed my beard, grandma wasn’t letting up. “And then you got Shante sitting in that girl’s face lying too.”
“I didn’t tell Shante to keep lying.”
“Did you tell her to tell the truth?”
Silence. “Exactly.”
I looked down and Grandma shook her head.
“Alisha has been buying things for those babies and she's excited about being their auntie.”
I stared at the table.
“And the whole damn time, those are her husband’s children.”
“Grandma…”
“What?” She frowned.
“Don’t say it like that.”
“How the hell do you want me to say it?” She frowned again. “Those babies ain’t ask to be here, that was your dumb ass idea.”
I leaned back. “I know I fucked up.”
“No shit! Then tell your wife.”
My head came up. “I can’t.”
“Why?” Grandma asked.
“Because I can’t.”
“That’s not an answer.”
I looked at her through the glass. “You know what that shit gonna do?”
“Yes.”
“No, you don’t.”
I lowered my voice. “Alisha already ain’t fucking with me.”
Grandma’s expression softened a little, but she stayed quiet.
“She comes to court and that’s it, she don’t take my calls, she ain’t came to see me. She barely looks at my ass.” I frowned. “I’m hanging on by a fucking thread with my wife.”
“And you think lying is making that thread stronger?”
“I ain’t saying that.”
“Then what are you saying?”
“I’m saying if I tell her this shit right now, my family is done.” The words sat between us. “Done, Grandma.” I looked down. “Not mad at me or sleeping somewhere else, but done.”
Grandma sighed. “You don’t know that.”
“Yes, the fuck I do.” I looked at her. “You know Alisha.”
“I do.”
“Then you know.”
Grandma didn’t answer.
I rubbed my hands together. “She already thinks Kim is pregnant with my babies. And that’s bad enough. Now I’m supposed to tell her, nah, Kim ain’t pregnant. My sister, your best friend is carrying them?” I shook my head. “Come on.”
Grandma sat back. “Baby, I understand you’re scared.”
“Scared ain’t even the word, I ain’t trying to lose my family.”
“You should’ve thought about that before all this.”
“I KNOW.” My voice came out louder than I meant it to and a couple heads turned. I lowered it. “I know.”
Grandma stared at me.
“You think I don’t sit in this bitch thinking about that every day?
” I swallowed. I miss my daughter and my wife.
I can’t even call home and hear Brittany’s voice because Alisha won’t answer my shit.
” My eyes burned, but I wasn’t about to sit there crying.
“And now you're telling me to drop this on her too?” I shook my head. “I can’t do it.”
Grandma was quiet for a while then she leaned closer. “Deuce, look at me. Not telling her ain’t stopping it from being true.”
I didn’t respond.
“And every day you wait, you’re making it worse.”
“I know.”
“Shante begged me not to tell Alisha.”
My eyes snapped to hers.
“You ain’t told her, have you?”
“No.”
I relaxed.
“But don’t get comfortable.” Grandma pointed at me. “I didn’t keep my mouth shut for you.” I nodded. “That’s between you and your sister. Y’all created this mess and one of y’all need to tell her.”
“I will.”
“When?”
I looked away.
“Deuce.”
“I said I will.”
“Before or after them babies graduate high school?”
I looked at her and she stared back with a straight face.
“Grandma, come on.”
“I’m asking because apparently y’all like long term secrets.”
Even sitting in the county getting my ass chewed out, this woman could get on my nerves. “I need to get out first.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m not telling my wife some shit like that through no county phone.”
Grandma paused. That was the first thing I’d said she didn’t immediately fight me on.
“I need to be able to look her in the face.”
“Then when you get the opportunity, you better do exactly that.”
I nodded.
Grandma grabbed the phone tighter. “And don’t you dare put this shit on Shante when you tell her.”
“I won’t.”
“Don’t put it on Kim either.”
I frowned. “Grandma—”
“No.” She shook her head. “You married Alisha, you made vows to Alisha. Whatever the other two did, that's on them , you answer for what Deuce did.”
I sat there looking at her and she was right. I hated that shit. Grandma looked at the clock. “Our time is almost up.”
“Aight.”
She started to hang up, then stopped.
“Oh, and one more thing.”
“What?”
“When you get out, buy your sister some damn forks.”
I stared at her. She hung up before I could answer. I sat there with the phone still against my ear. “Man, what the fuck.”
But when they walked me back toward my unit, I wasn’t thinking about Shante’s empty apartment.
I was thinking about Alisha. Grandma was right about one thing I couldn’t bullshit my way around.
The truth was coming whether I was ready or not.
And with those babies only a month away, I was running out of places to hide it.