16. Kim
KIM
Ihadn’t heard from Shante in a few days. Normally, that wouldn’t have bothered me. Shante and I weren’t friends. We weren’t calling each other to gossip, checking in about our day, or sending each other funny reels. There was only one reason I needed communication with her and that was my babies.
With less than a month left before the twins were due, I wanted updates. I wanted to know how she was feeling, whether they were moving normally, whether she’d had any contractions, whether the doctor had changed anything. Instead, Shante had been ignoring me.
I called once with no answer. Twenty minutes later, I tried again, still nothing. By the third time, irritation had started setting in. I didn’t understand why everybody suddenly thought ignoring me was going to make me disappear.
Deuce had tried it and now Shante. Neither one of them seemed to understand that I had too much invested in this to simply step aside because things had gotten uncomfortable. On my fourth attempt, Shante finally answered.
“What do you want and why do you keep calling my phone?”
The attitude came through before I could even speak and I ignored it. “I’ve been trying to check on the twins.”
She went quiet then she laughed. It was one of those exhausted little laughs that told me I had apparently said the wrong thing. “Of course you have.”
I frowned. “What is that supposed to mean?”
“It means exactly what the fuck I said, Kim.”
I leaned back against my couch. Clearly, Shante was in one of her moods.
I tried asking how she was feeling instead it only made things worse.
For the next few minutes, everything she’d apparently been holding in came pouring through the phone.
By the time she finished, I understood why she sounded so miserable.
Malik had left and he had packed up damn near everything he’d bought and moved out.
Shante was alone in the apartment with barely anything left besides her clothes, the bed, and all the baby stuff. Grandma Lorraine had found out too. I listened, but my mind kept drifting back to one thing, the twins. Stress wasn’t good during pregnancy especially this close to delivery.
“Have you been having contractions?”
“What?” She asked.
“I asked if you’ve been having any contractions.”
Shante lost it. The screaming came so fast I had to pull the phone away from my ear.
Apparently, I’d missed the point of everything she’d just told me.
According to her, her entire life was falling apart and all I could think about was the pregnancy.
I didn’t understand what she expected of course, I cared about the pregnancy.
Those were my children. That didn’t mean I wanted Malik to leave her, but what was I supposed to do about it?
I hadn’t told her to lie to him. She was the one that made that decision. Just like she’d agreed to become our surrogate. I didn’t force her into shit.
“You don’t give a fuck about nobody but yourself,” she snapped.
I rolled my eyes because that was becoming everybody’s favorite accusation. Deuce thought I betrayed him. Alisha thought I’d destroyed her marriage. Now Shante thought I’d ruined her life. Somehow, everybody’s decisions had become my fault.
“I didn’t make Malik leave you.”
That was apparently the wrong thing to say because Shante went completely off.
She reminded me that none of this would’ve happened if I hadn’t been fucking her brother in the first place.
That one irritated me because Deuce wasn’t some helpless man I’d seduced, he wanted me too.
At least he had before everything went to shit.
Then she brought up the baby shower. Her voice got louder when she reminded me that I’d walked in there running my mouth about Deuce being the father, not caring who I embarrassed or what I exposed.
She was right about that part, I was angry and tired of hiding. Tired of watching Alisha walk around being the wife while I was supposed to stay tucked away like some dirty secret. Maybe the baby shower hadn’t been my finest moment. But I wasn’t apologizing for wanting acknowledgement.
Shante kept going on about how Malik didn’t trust her.
She had lost the man she thought she was going to build a life with.
And how every time she looked at Alisha, she felt sick because her best friend was still showing up for her without knowing what she’d done.
That part didn’t move me the way Shante probably wanted it to.
If she felt that guilty, she needed to tell Alisha. I let her know.
“You think it’s that fucking easy?” Shante yelled.
No I didn’t but it also wasn’t my friendship.
Shante had chosen to lie to Alisha. I had enough of my own shit to deal with.
Deuce still wouldn’t have anything to do with me.
My father had made everything worse by going after him.
The man I loved was sitting in jail convinced I had purposely helped put him there.
Nobody seemed interested in what I lost.
The difference was, I wasn’t sitting around crying about it.
I was focused on what was coming and that was my son and my daughter and eventually, Deuce.
I still refused to believe what he’d said during my visit was permanent.
He was just mad and angry men said cruel shit.
Deuce could tell me a hundred times that he didn’t want anything to do with me or the twins.
But I knew him once those babies were born, everything would change. Shante’s voice pulled me from my thoughts.
“I wish I would’ve never agreed to this shit.”
My entire body stiffened. “Don’t say that.”
“Why the fuck not?” She screamed.
“Because you’re talking about my children.”
“I’m talking about what carrying your children cost me!” She wasn’t crying before but she was now. That ugly kind of crying where somebody was trying to talk through it and couldn’t catch their breath.
For a brief second, I did feel sorry for her but then she started blaming me again.
Let her tell it, she’d sacrificed her relationship, her peace, and possibly her friendship with Alisha so Deuce and I could have something neither one of us had any business creating.
That pissed me off, she could regret helping us all she wanted.
But she wasn’t going to talk about my babies like they were some mistake.
“They didn’t do anything to you.”
“I KNOW THAT!” Her scream came through so loud I moved the phone away again.
When I brought it back, her voice was lower.
“I don’t regret them, I regret ever getting involved in this sick ass shit between you and my brother.”
I didn’t respond because what was there to say? She wasn’t completely wrong. Things had gotten out of control, but we were less than a month from the finish line and there wasn’t any going backward now. I told her to focus on getting through the next few weeks. That didn’t go over well either.
“See? That’s your fucking problem.”
I frowned. “What?”
“You talk about this shit like I’m carrying a package for you.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“You don’t have to.”
She sniffled. “All you care about is getting them babies and getting Deuce.”
Yes, that's what I wanted. Was I supposed to lie? “I love him.”
Shante laughed so hard it sounded damn near disrespectful. “Kim, that man told you he don’t want your ass.”
My face got hot. “He doesn’t mean that.”
“Oh my God you can’t be that fucking dumb.”
“He doesn’t.”
“You are fucking delusional.”
I sat straighter. “Once the babies get here—”
“Those babies ain’t about to make Deuce love you!”
I didn’t respond and Shante kept going, telling me I had built some fantasy in my head where Deuce was going to walk out of jail, leave Alisha, pick up the twins, and suddenly become the man I’d always wanted him to be.
She didn’t understand that nobody did. Deuce loved being a father.
I’d seen him with Brittany and I knew what his daughter meant to him.
There was no way he could look at two more children carrying his blood and simply walk away.
And once he accepted them, he’d have to accept that I would always be connected to him too.
That was enough for me for now. I tried bringing the conversation back to why I’d called in the first place.
I needed to know when her next appointment was, but the line went dead. I looked at my phone and she hung up.
I considered calling her back but I didn’t.
She needed to calm down and stress wasn’t good for the twins.
I placed my phone beside me and stared across the room.
Everybody kept acting like I was the problem.
Like wanting my children made me selfish and loving Deuce made me stupid.
Maybe they thought I should simply accept that he’d chosen Alisha.
That I should take my babies and disappear but I wasn’t doing that.
Alisha had already had years with him. She had the marriage.
She’d gotten to wake up beside him every day while I took whatever pieces of him were left.
Now I finally had something that connected Deuce and me forever and nobody could take that away.
Not Alisha, Shante, my father or Deuce. He could hate me right now and he could sit behind that glass and tell me he wanted nothing to do with me, but those babies were still his.
Sitting around the house wasn’t doing me any good.
All I could hear was Shante’s voice. “That man told you he doesn't want your ass.” I didn’t let that shit bother me too much because Shante was just miserable because Malik left her.
Of course she wanted everybody else miserable too.
I wasn’t letting her put that shit on me. I grabbed my purse and keys and left.