Secret Twins for the Russian (Nikolai Bratva Brides #11)

Chapter 1 - Simon

Every time I get drunk, it’s the same hollow, empty feeling that it was the time before. It doesn’t stop me from doing it again, though, and on Friday evening, at the family gala, I have the light, dull buzz of alcohol at the edges of my thoughts.

There is a pretty blonde standing next to me, laughing and reaching out to touch my arm as though we’re good friends. I smile down at her, swirling the whisky in my hand. I’ve had so many women pass through my radar over the past five years that they’re all starting to look the same.

And none of them is her.

“Simon, you are so funny,” she gushes, stepping closer to me.

It’s a clear invitation. I could whisk her out of here in a minute and spend a night in the sheets with her.

But somewhere between the endless parties, the charming bachelor persona I have created, and the glass of whisky in my hand right now…

I don’t actually want any of this anymore.

I don’t think I ever wanted it to be fair. All I ever wanted was her.

My smile grows wider when I spot my sister across the room. She’s giving me one of her knowing looks. I look down at the blonde. “Claire,” I smile politely. Fuck, I hope that was her name. “Give me a moment, I just need to chat to my sister, I’ll be right back,” I say.

She smiles sweetly. “Don’t take too long.” She winks at me.

I cock my head to the side, thinking about how most men in this room would melt if she winked at them. But for me, it’s meaningless. Everything is meaningless. It has been for five years.

“I won’t be long,” I say, gently touching her waist. Her cheek flushes pink, and she giggles.

I only feel mildly bad that I just lied to her. I have zero intentions of coming back to talk to her, and I have nothing specific I need to speak to my sister about. I just needed a way out.

I push through the crowds, greeting people along the way, pausing for a brief comment, a laugh, my social mask firmly in place. Happy Simon. Man of the hour. Bachelor, charmer, playboy.

I don’t mind that all of these idiots standing around think I’m not much more than a party animal. It’s good for them to underestimate me. More than once, it’s served me well in business.

I look up at my sister, and her eyes pierce into me across the room as I make my way pointedly towards her.

She excuses herself from the conversation she was having with one of our family allies and turns to grin at me.

“Going home with the blonde?” she asks as I approach.

I scoff and roll my eyes, then drain the last of my whisky and set it down on a table nearby. “No, I wanted to get out of here. Do you think you can make some excuse for me once I’ve disappeared?”

Her eyes narrow as she looks at me. “You, okay?” she asks.

“Yeah, of course, why wouldn’t I be?” I speak.

She smiles softly, tilting her head as she studies my face. “The city’s most eligible bachelor and playboy going home alone on a Friday night,” she muses. “How strange.”

“Oh shush. You’re going home alone, too. What’s the difference?” I say defensively.

She reaches up and wraps her long fingers around my arm, squeezing gently. “Hey, sorry, I was only teasing… because I’m worried.”

“There’s nothing to be worried about,” I say cautiously.

The thing is that Raya has always seen straight through me. I don’t know how she does it, but I can’t slip anything past her keen eyes. Every other person in this party falls for the mask I wear. The bachelor persona I latched onto as a cover for the exhausting emptiness I feel inside.

I sigh heavily. “I’m just tired. I’m tired of… of everything,” I say in a brief moment of genuine conversation.

“Simon, I saw the paperwork on your desk the other day. The inquiries you’ve been making. You’re still looking for her,” she says carefully.

My stomach knots. Yes, I am still looking for her, and I will never stop. I have to know. I have to know why she left. I need her back.

I clear my throat and stand up straighter.

“It must have been an old inquiry,” I say, trying to brush it off.

She laughs, shaking her head. “Mm. Except it wasn’t.

You don’t have to hide it from me, Si. You’ve been struggling with this for five years.

I don’t want you to think you can’t talk to me about it.

But… I do worry. When are you going to let her go and move on with your life?

” Raya’s words are delivered gently, but they feel like a knife in my stomach.

“Move on?” I murmur, more to myself than Raya.

“Yes, Simon. You’ve been living in her shadow since you lost her.

Just the idea of her consumes you and turns you into…

into this fake-party-guy with a fake smile.

” She lowers her voice, “I know this isn’t you.

I can see you don’t even like this. You need to let her go so you can start enjoying your life,” she says.

I smile at my sister. A sad smile that doesn’t reach my eyes and feels heavy on my face. “I can’t,” I shrug. And it’s something I didn’t even want to admit to myself. Saying the words to her has just made them more real than ever before.

I can’t let her go.

I can’t stop thinking about her.

Beautiful Selene.

The girl who disappeared five years ago. After six months of absolute bliss with her in my life. The happiest months of my life… and then one phone call, and never seeing her again.

I’ve exhausted every connection I have and every connection my family has.

I have used every favor, every opportunity, everything, and anything I could to try and find her.

It’s like she turned into a ghost. She’s gone.

I mean, gone from everywhere. No records of purchases, travel, rent, or existence in any way.

I don’t understand it. It’s like I dreamed her up and she never really existed.

Maybe that’s why she was so perfect.

“I’m going to head out,” I say to Raya.

“Simon…” She tries to reach for me again, worry etched in her eyes. “Are you going to be okay?” she asks.

I laugh boldly and roll my eyes. “When am I not okay? Ask anyone,” I smirk, gesturing around the party and the ocean of people who don’t know the real me at all. They know Simon Volkov. Party animal. Single. Always up for fun. Ruthless in business, but wild and free in social circles.

She doesn’t smile back at me. Instead, she scrunches her nose and throws me one of her perfectly Raya looks. Like a stern mother scolding a child with nothing but a glance.

“I’ll catch up with you later,” I tell her before turning away.

Outside, the air is crisp for a summer night. It hits my cheeks, and I take in a sharp breath of it.

“Simon!” Raya calls from behind me as she runs after me. “Sorry, I forgot!”

“What?” I ask, turning towards her.

“Matvei wanted to talk to you before you left. He wanted to ask if you would help out with the kids tomorrow?”

“Doing what?”

“Taking them to the park. He’s busy, and I already said I would help, but he wants you there too,” she says. “It will also be the Nikolai kids, so I can’t really do it alone.”

Surprise flickers through me. “He wants me to babysit?” I ask, raising my brows.

“Yes, you’re really good with the kids,” she says.

“I love spending time with them, I mean, of course I’ll help, I’m just surprised Matvei trusts me with them.”

She scoffs and laughs. “Why in the world wouldn’t Matvei trust you with the kids. Don’t be a moron,” she says.

I smile a crooked smile, one corner of my mouth turning up. “Sure, um, I mean, I guess. It’s just you know how overprotective he is with them.”

Her smile softens. “So, I can tell him you’ll be there? Tomorrow at nine and Central Park by those big jungle gyms?”

“I’ll be there. Definitely,” my heart warms. I am crazy about those kids. If there is anything in this world that can still bring a genuine smile to my face, it’s his kids. Especially Emily, his daughter. She’s so full of mischief and wonder about everything in the world.

Raya says goodbye again, and I watch her walk back into the event. I’m frozen on the sidewalk, staring towards the building, thinking about my brother and his family. How I thought I would have a family by now.

I thought I was going to marry her. I planned to ask Selene.

By now, we could have had a kid… or two. Maybe even three. Who knows. We could have a family, and I would be living a very different life from the one I have now.

My heart hardens, turning cold and numb again. It doesn’t help me to dream about things like that. It only deepens the pain and anger inside me.

Why the fuck did she leave like she did? Why the fuck couldn’t she tell me something, anything, to ease the unknown? The hurt? The rejection?

I’ve spent so many nights, some drunk, some sober, trying to figure it all out, but I can’t.

How can you get answers when you don’t even know what questions to ask?

Maybe she never loved me? But it felt so real at the time.

Maybe it was an elaborate act? Maybe she wanted something from me that she got…

then left. Maybe she had feelings for me, but they faded. Maybe she got bored.

The questions could literally drive me insane.

She left. End of story. Stop thinking about it.

But even though the story is over, the pain isn’t.

At home in my penthouse, I pour another whisky and stand at the window overlooking a glittering city.

I really wish I could stop thinking about Selene.

It would be a relief to block her from my thoughts or to wipe her from my memory.

That’s what she did to me. She severed all contact with one phone call, and that was it.

She never reached out again. It’s not like my number has changed; she could still call me.

And my family is prominent enough in this city that literally anyone could point you to me.

But she hasn’t reached out in five years, and sometimes it makes me feel like a fool.

Most of the time, actually. A fool because I can’t let her go.

She made her choice, but I can’t accept it.

On Saturday morning, I find myself standing in a park surrounded by happy, screaming kids. Not only my family and the Nikolai children, but also a big group of other kids who all came to the park for the same reason this morning. And every single one of them is having the time of their lives.

The sun is already warm, even though it’s early. I have Emma clinging to my arm, looking up at me with those wide, magic-filled eyes. “Pleeeeese, unca Simon?” she grins. I crouch down to her level, narrowing my gaze, knowing I’m being manipulated by a three-year-old.

“If your dad finds out, I will be in big trouble,” I warn her. Her eyes shoot wider; she knows she already won.

“Yeth?” she says cautiously. “So, I can?”

I reach out and tuck her fine blonde hair behind her ear. “As long as you don’t tell anyone. Your dad is very scary when he’s angry.”

“My dad neva angry,” she protests, already turning away from me to run towards the picnic baskets.

A grin spreads over my face as I watch her try to be sneaky, trying not to let Raya see her as she approaches the stash.

But Raya is looking right at her. Then Raya is looking right at me with the Simon, you know, Matvei would never allow this look.

I shrug, holding my hands out at my side, grinning wider.

Emma shoves her little hand into the basket and pulls out a chocolate bar, then, to my greatest amusement, she ducks behind the picnic basket as though it might hide her from Raya’s stare.

Emma giggles, holding up the chocolate to show me, thinking she is invisible to everyone else.

I walk over to her and scoop her into my arms, lifting her onto my hip while she struggles with the wrapper. “We need to teach you how to be a ninja,” I tell her, taking the chocolate from her to open it.

“I like dinosaurs,” she tells me sternly.

“Ok, but ninjas are important too, and if you want to…” My heart goes cold in my chest. I freeze in place, staring at the woman by the swings. Surely, I’m imagining this. Surely this isn’t real.

Slowly, I lower Emma to the ground. “Go play, angel… I’ll… I…” Emma bolts happily towards Raya, unaware of the tremor in my voice, and I stare forward, ice running through my veins.

Slowly, I stand up again. My body doesn’t feel like my own. My heart is beating so loudly I can’t hear the children playing anymore as the hammer of it thrums in my skull. My chest is tight, and my lungs don’t seem to be taking in air as they should.

My fists clench at my side, my nails digging into my palm as I will myself to wake up from this hallucination.

The woman hasn’t moved; she’s staring at me as wide-eyed as I am staring at her.

Selene.

As beautiful as the last time I saw her five years ago. Thinner, a little older, looking a little tired. But as beautiful as ever… and very, very, very real.

“Selene?” I murmur her name even though she’s too far away to hear me.

Nervously, she takes a step backward, her hand gripping the wrist of the little girl next to her.

My gaze drops, and I notice two children next to her. A boy and a girl, both the same age. Both… both looking almost exactly like I did when I was a toddler.

Their blonde hair catches the sunlight, and their bright caramel-colored eyes stare up at me in wonder. How old are they? Five? They look five… they look like me… they look…

My lips part as I take a sharp, heavy breath in.

They’re my children.