Chapter 5 Caden
FIVE
CADEN
I groaned at my reflection in the mirror as I retied my tie for what felt like the tenth time. I didn’t wear ties very often anymore. The most dressed-up I got for work was a button-down shirt and dress pants, and since I worked from home part time, dressing up for anything had become rare.
But even though it would all be fake, I wanted everything to be perfect tonight. We wouldn’t be together in the way everyone would think, but I still wanted her to be proud to be on my arm.
And, as sad as it was, I wanted one night where she’d be mine, even if it was all a game. It was the safest—and only—way I could have her. So, I’d play the part and get all the enjoyment I could out of it before the letdown after would make me feel like shit.
I was grabbing my keys to head to Sabrina’s when my phone buzzed in my pocket. Just as I was about to send it to voice mail, I spotted Sabrina’s name on the screen.
“Hey, what’s up? I was getting ready to leave to come get you.”
“About that,” she said, her loud exhale echoing in my ear. “We have a little complication.”
“Okay,” I said, leaning against the wall as I braced myself for whatever was making Sabrina’s voice so shrill with panic.
“My sister just told me they blocked off rooms at the hotel where the reception is because they’re throwing the bride and groom a last-minute wedding brunch with the immediate family, and Toni would love it if we could stay.”
“Okay, so? I don’t mind going tomorrow.”
“They’re expecting us to stay over since I live an hour away. In the same room.”
“Okay,” I said slowly, determined to play it cool enough to calm her down and not show my own panic. “I can grab a quick change of clothes now before I get you. We’ve had sleepovers before, Sab. It’s not a big deal.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah,” I said, heading to my bedroom to grab a duffel bag and an extra shirt and a pair of pants. “I have nothing to do tomorrow anyway. Unless you think you can’t resist me for a night. Is my virtue in danger?”
I relaxed a little when she laughed in my ear, trying not to think of the long, sleepless night I’d have ahead of me when the wedding was over.
“Caden, for real, are you okay with this? This is a big ask for a fake boyfriend.”
“Hey, I take all my fake boyfriend duties seriously. Plus, we don’t have to worry about traveling an hour so late.”
“Well, that was going to be my out for leaving early, so that’s gone too. If I didn’t love my niece…”
“It’s fine, Sabrina. Let me finish packing a bag, and I’ll head over to you, okay?”
“You really are the fucking best. I’ll owe you big-time.”
“You’ll owe me nothing. I feel bad for you since I’m pretty hot in a suit. You’re going to find it hard to control yourself in a hotel room all by ourselves.”
She laughed as a knot coiled tight in my stomach, already exhausted from how hard I’d have to work to keep myself in check after the wedding.
“So, don’t worry, and I’ll see you soon,” I said, impressed at how I managed to keep my tone even despite freaking the fuck out on the inside.
I packed a few toiletries along with my clothes and zipped up the bag before heading to my car. My head dropped back against the headrest after I started the engine.
Before I knew what I was doing, I dialed Jesse’s number.
“Hey, everything okay?” His concerned voice echoed around the car.
“Well, yes and no. Can I make a confession first?”
“You can. Although I may have an idea of what it is. How long have you been in love with Sabrina?”
I glared at my speaker.
“How do you know it’s that?”
“Lucky guess. Why? I’m wrong?”
“No, you aren’t. So, go ahead and tell me how you were always right, and I finally got burned by playing with fire for so damn long.”
“I can do that later. And I’m the last person to judge. Up until recently, I was pining for Emily just as badly.”
“You think I’m pining for Sabrina?”
“Aren’t you?”
“Yes, but that’s not the reason for my call, you perceptive asshole.”
Jesse’s deep chuckle rumbled through the speakers. He and Emily had finally stopped skating around each other and were officially together. He was ready to marry her tomorrow, but Emily was trying to take it slow.
It didn’t matter if their speeds didn’t match. They were inevitable.
And I was jealous as fuck.
Sabrina and I were a different kind of inevitable. Or, we would be if I weren’t careful. I’d thought tonight was going to be easy. I’d get to touch her and kiss her for show and try to muster my best poker face when I took her home and we went back to being friends.
I’d pine over her alone like I’d been doing all this time, and it would all return to normal.
Once Sabrina had told me we’d be spending the night together, normal had come to a screeching halt.
“There’s a last-minute family brunch tomorrow, and we have to stay the night. In the same hotel room. Or we’re going to tip her family off that we aren’t really together.”
“Hmm,” Jesse said after a long minute.
“Hmm? That’s all you’ve got?”
“Do you think you can handle it?”
“No. Why the fuck do you think I called you? I’m going to slip, Jess. Like I almost did years ago.”
“Wait, years ago? Are you telling me you’ve been in love with her since high school?”
“Not all through high school. Or at least, I didn’t know I was. Don’t tell Emily.”
A long silence passed between us before he burst out laughing.
“You really are an asshole.”
“I thought you had a great system. Extra friends and all that bullshit.”
“For her, it was extra friends. Still is. She even said she didn’t want us to use each other like we did back then.”
“Why don’t you tell her that you wouldn’t be using her, and that you really never were? See what she says.”
“Then I lose her completely. I don’t want to do that. Tonight was supposed to be a big game. I wouldn’t be pretending to be into her, but she didn’t have to know that. I’m afraid if we spend the night together, I won’t be able to hold it in.”
“I’m not sure what you want me to say. But I think you’re going to have to tell her before you give yourself an ulcer over it.”
“I don’t want to ruin tonight.”
Or everything.
“Didn’t someone tell me to just stop the games and go get the woman I loved not too long ago?”
“That was different.”
“No, Caden. It really wasn’t. Look, just go and have a good time. I’m sure you can find a way to get through tonight, but not forever.”
“I know. This isn’t sustainable. I won’t have a stomach lining left.”
“Yeah, I know that feeling all too well.” He chuckled. “And I’m glad you told me.”
Letting it all out calmed me enough to pull away from the curb and head to Sabrina’s. I was still clueless but calmer about it.
“I’m honestly glad I told you too. Or didn’t deny it when you guessed.”
“After dealing with all my problems for all these years, don’t keep yours to yourself.
Whatever happens, I’m here just like you were always there for me.
I mean, that doesn’t mean I’m not going to give you a load of shit for this, but I’ll keep your in-plain-sight-secret to myself and won’t say anything to anyone.
“Thanks.” I had to laugh. “You’re a good friend. Still an asshole, but a good friend.”
I ended the call, still frazzled but somehow a little lighter. Not only because someone else knew how I felt about Sabrina, but because I was finally facing the clarity I’d tried so hard to ignore.
I couldn’t love her and be only her friend. One would have to give, and tonight would be the test of how long I had until it would.