Chapter 19
Chapter Nineteen
Disappointingly, there was no sign of Tom at the service.
There was no message from him either. Fortunately, though, Eleanora had attended church, something she rarely did, and Clara was so grateful to see her.
Once the evening service was over and she’d listened to Brian’s thanks, Eleanora rushed over to Clara.
‘What’s wrong?’
‘Nothing’s wrong.’
‘Yes, there is. I know you. Is it to do with Tom not turning up yesterday?’
‘Shh, don’t let anyone overhear you,’ Clara whispered.
‘What’s going on?’
‘Is it that obvious?’
‘Yup. It is. Come on, fancy a drink?’
Clara didn’t normally go for a drink after service, but this was different. She had to speak to someone before she burst. She might have always been there for other people but Clara needed someone there for her this time, and Eleanora was the perfect confidante.
She left her bicycle at church and walked along the cobbled paving arm in arm with Eleanora.
The sun hadn’t gone down and groups of youngsters were sat at streetside bars celebrating.
Clara recognised some of them as former students but, for once, she wasn’t in the mood to be sociable and feigned a smile instead.
It felt comforting for Clara to be with Eleanora, who was the only one, apart from the King’s College team, who knew about the job application. There was so much she needed to discuss with her best friend.
Eleanora sensed there was trouble and sent Clara to grab the seats at their favourite snug of the Raging River while she ordered a glass of wine for them both so they could get straight to the conversation. She put the drinks down and gave Clara a sympathetic smile.
‘Right . . . What’s going on?’
‘I got selected for the interview.’
‘Oh, Clara! I’m so thrilled for you. Well, cheers. How exciting for you. I don’t understand why you have such a glum face though?’
Eleanora bit at a hangnail in anticipation as she waited for Clara to elaborate.
‘I don’t know if I want to go for it.’
‘Are you serious?’
‘Yup, I am. It was only yesterday I had the strawberry tea, and look how happy everyone was. People need me here.’
‘And what do you need, Clara? Have you ever thought of your own needs?’
‘What do I need? My friends. You . . . I can’t imagine a life without seeing you all every single day.’
‘First things first, I’m not going anywhere. If you were to get the job, you wouldn’t exactly be going to the other side of the world. It’s Cambridge, not Canberra! We both drive and we’ll be less than a few hours away from each other.’
‘I know, but all I know is Oxford. We grew up here. I’ve never lived anywhere else.’
‘Well, all the more reason for an adventure. Look, life’s too short not to leap at opportunities. Wasn’t it you who said you should seize the day?’
‘Yes, but that’s meant for others. Not me.’ Clara laughed, realising the irony.
The number of times she had bravely stood motivating the congregation to live their best lives and fear nothing under God’s will, and now she had a chance to take a different course in life she felt utterly terrified.
‘Is that all that’s holding you back? Nothing else?’ Eleanora gave Clara a knowing look. They had been best friends for far too long for Clara to be able to pull the wool over her eyes.
‘Well, go on. Spit it out . . .’
Clara let out a big sigh. ‘Oh, what am I going to do? Things were going so well with Tom, but it feels like there is something about him that he’s holding back.
I don’t know quite what it is. When we’re together, he makes me feel like the only woman in the world.
I’ve never known a man to make me feel so special.
Goodness, I know that might sound corny but he does.
He looks at me as though I’m beautiful.’
‘So he should do. You are beautiful, Clara.’
‘Oh, I’ve never exactly been beautiful in the traditional sense of the word. Far from it. I hardly conform to the beauty expectations you see in the magazines.’
‘That’s what makes you so beautiful. That smile of yours lights up a room.’
‘Oh, I don’t know . . .’
‘Yes, I do know. I wish you saw what everyone else sees in you. How many times do I have to tell you?’
‘I never found a partner to love me though, did I?’
‘That’s only because you were far too good for most men.’
‘I don’t know about that. But, with Tom, it feels different. I really wanted to give it a go and now after living my whole life in Oxford, I have a job interview that could potentially take me away from here and, well, Tom’s also kind of disappeared.’
‘Disappeared? You still haven’t heard from him? Didn’t he tell you why he didn’t show up?’
‘No, he just said that “something came up”. He isn’t even responding to my messages at the moment.’
‘Well, all the more reason to go for this interview.’
Clara nodded and pulled her phone from her handbag one more time. Her messages were still left on read.
‘It is rather strange that he didn’t turn up yesterday. I was so looking forward to seeing him,’ said Eleanora.
‘What if his phone was stolen, Nora? The messages are being read.’
‘Even if his phone had been stolen, I’m sure he would have turned up yesterday to explain.’
‘What if he’s been attacked for his phone?’
‘I’m sure it would have been on the local news if something like that had happened,’ Eleanora reassured her.
‘Yeah, you’re right. He’ll respond soon; I know he will. I’m sure there’s a reasonable explanation.’
‘Yes, I’m sure Tom will show up soon,’ said Eleanora cradling her drink. ‘But in the meantime, I hope you go for the interview.’
As Clara finished her glass of wine, she thought about how much she loved being safely within her comfort zone. It was where she felt protected. She had gone from feeling on top of the world to having so many worries.
She had always worked at St Peter’s and it was all she had ever wanted.
However, there was also this secret part of her that had a desire for love and connection.
What if she was to get the position in Cambridge and Tom didn’t want a long-distance relationship?
It had occurred to her earlier but now she started seriously considering it.
It could mean she had blown the only chance she ever had of love.
Although, as she glanced at her phone once more, she began to believe that this might already have been blown and she had absolutely no idea why.
* * *
Clara wasn’t the only person thinking about Tom.
Pat had also been trying to contact him to no avail.
He had wanted to ask him how he’d enjoyed the afternoon tea and if the couple had made their big announcement.
Pat knew Tom had been nervous about it and wanted to make sure it had all gone to plan.
He hoped that he wasn’t responding because he was enjoying himself with Clara, but a part of him was concerned. He could feel something was amiss.
* * *
Neither Pat nor Clara realised that Tom had switched his phone on at lunchtime but he was too busy popping to the supermarket for further supplies to respond to either of them.
He had read the messages with fondness from both of them but, like always, he felt Clara deserved better than him.
She was so sweet and kind. He wasn’t worthy of the love of such a good woman, but he was deserving of what alcohol could give him.
He was not the type of man for a respectable clergywoman.
Tom simply wished everyone would leave him alone and that they’d stop bothering him and so he switched his phone off again.