Chapter 31
Chapter Thirty-One
September had always felt like a new start for Clara.
While January might be the official new year, when you worked at a university, September brought new beginnings.
The seasons were starting to change and it was time to put the summer dresses away.
When Clara searched for something to wear, she came across the scarf that Tom had kindly bought her.
It was perfect for the day ahead and, as she tied it around her neck, stroking the silk, the memory of how happy she was at that time came flooding back.
There was no time to dwell though, as today was the first day of the fair of St Giles, which heralded the end of summer and the arrival of September.
It meant that students would soon be pouring back to Oxford and the university would once again be a hive of activity.
Each year, before the fair commenced, a blessing took place – an occasion that Clara never missed.
It was a good chance to catch up with Joanna, the local mayor, as St Giles’ Fair was officially opened by her and she said prayers to bless the event.
While she wasn’t one for the rides of a funfair, Clara enjoyed listening to the Salvation Army band as they played and she sang along to the hymns she knew off by heart.
Clara could get lost in the sound of the band as the flugelhorns, cornets and trombones competed with each other.
As she enjoyed the music, thoughts of Tom flashed through her mind as she remembered how Salvation Army members accepted eleven statements of belief, including abstinence from alcohol.
Tom adored music and joining something like this would have been a good distraction.
Why hadn’t she thought of it before? Momentarily, she blamed herself for not having done more for him.
She should have thought of ways to keep him distracted but, then again, she couldn’t help someone when she didn’t fully know what they had been going through.
As people gathered around, Clara revelled in the atmosphere.
It was a lovely way to spend a Monday morning and, when the band finished playing and the fair was officially open, she went for a walk around the rides and stalls with Joanna, now that her official mayoral duty was over.
The smell of burgers and hot dogs made her feel hungry but, as Clara and Joanna chatted, there was only one thing on Clara’s mind.
The Fudge Station had always been Clara’s favourite stall.
She broke off a piece of clotted cream fudge and shared it with Joanna as they stopped to chat beside the dodgems.
‘So, it’s not long until you leave now.’ How she wished everyone would stop reminding her.
‘I know. It’s gone so fast. I haven’t had time to think since I accepted the position.’
‘I can imagine. Does Lawrence have a replacement for you yet?’
‘Not that I know of. He’s probably started advertising it by now though.’ She didn’t want to let on that she found the thought of a replacement for her heart-wrenching.
‘Whoever takes over will have mighty big shoes to fill.’
‘That’s so kind of you to say, Joanna. Everyone’s been so nice to me that I don’t know if I even want to leave.’
Clara tried to make a joke of it, but she meant every word.
‘You’ll soon settle in. I remember my first week as mayor. I wouldn’t admit this to anyone else but I did wonder if I’d made the right decision.’
‘Really? You’re a natural.’
‘Thank you, and so are you. Irreplaceable, in fact.’
‘I wouldn’t go that far, Joanna. But how things have changed over the years. I remember when I started out and had quite a bit of stick for being a woman. Older members of my first congregation weren’t sold on the idea. Thank goodness things have changed.’
‘Thank goodness indeed.’
As they spoke, something caught Clara’s eye.
‘Joanna, sorry, can you excuse me? I’ve just got to speak to someone.’
‘Yes, no problem. I must be going anyhow. I’ve a council meeting at one.’
As they both hugged goodbye, Clara kept one eye on the crowds.
She strode as fast as she could as she chased after the person she had seen in the crowds who was getting further and further away.
Clara started to panic as he quickly became a dot.
She must reach him. She made her way through pushchairs and couples holding hands, trying not to push anyone out of the way and appear impolite.
Finally, when he stopped at a candyfloss stall, Clara could catch her breath.
She reached out and touched the man’s shoulder.
‘Tom?’
The chap turned around, taking a step back from Clara, his brow furrowed.
‘I’m so sorry. I thought you were somebody else.’
The disappointment was palpable. The thought that she could have bumped into Tom had fleetingly filled her with so much hope.
Accepting that it wasn’t him brought an avalanche of stored emotions that she could no longer bury.
She realised that as each day went by, she missed him more and more, despite what she tried to tell herself.
She might have persuaded herself that she was okay, but the truth was that her heart was far from healed and sometimes she wondered if it ever would be.
As much as she tried to stay cheerful, as she walked along the fair where everyone else was having so much fun, she burst into tears.
It was the last thing she wanted anyone to notice, so despite the clouds above, she reached into her handbag and quickly put on her sunglasses.
She was determined she would not fall apart and certainly not in front of anyone who might know her.
Clara shoved another piece of fudge in her mouth and reminded herself that Tom was in rehab and she would never be seeing him again. She tightened her scarf around her neck, the only piece of Tom she had left. It was time to forget him once and for all.