Chapter 7 #2
“I’ve heard that’s how it goes at first,” Reeda replied as she sat across from Kate, her brow furrowed. “He’s the sweetest thing, though.”
“He really is. His eyes are this dark blue, and he’s started to really look at me. He’s still so tiny, though. I guess I wasn’t expecting him to be quite so small.”
“I brought you a cinnamon tea cake and some lasagna,” Reeda said, holding up a cold bag before setting it on the floor by her feet.
“That’s so nice of you. We’ll be well fed. Honestly, I can’t bring myself to cook anything because before I can even get started, he’s already screaming.”
“Where’s Alex?” Reeda asked, glancing around the living room.
“He’s at the inn today, giving riding lessons. He’s also got some sort of swimming training. I’m not sure. I can’t focus on anything but the baby right now.”
Reeda’s lips pulled into a thin line, but she didn’t say anything.
“Can I get you anything?” Kate asked with another yawn. “I made tea. It’s probably cold by now, but it’s there if you want it. And a caramel slice that I pulled out of the freezer. It’s still good.”
“I’m fine, thanks. I don’t want disturb you, and I’ve got to keep moving anyway. I have an appointment with my foster agent.”
“Oh, yeah. How’s that going?”
“It’s good,” Reeda replied, her feet tapping out a rhythm on the tiles. “I’m a little nervous about the whole thing. But I’m excited, too.”
“You’re going to be great at it. I can tell,” Kate said. “It’ll be such an adventure. I think you’re doing the right thing.”
“Really?” Reeda looked uncertain. “Sometimes I wonder if I’m making a huge mistake. Duncan and I only recently worked things out between us. I don’t want to risk going back to that place in our marriage.”
“I can understand that,” Kate replied. “But the two of you have been through so much together. I don’t think you have to worry.”
Reeda stood and kissed Kate on the cheek. “Sorry to run, but I’ve got to go. Can I get you anything? I could bring the caramel slice closer.”
Kate pursed her lips. “Actually, that would be great. Thanks. And my water bottle. I get so thirsty while I’m feeding.”
Reeda fetched the slice and water bottle, put the lasagna in the fridge, and then waved goodbye before leaving.
As her car pulled out of the drive, Kate leaned back in the armchair, her eyes squeezed shut.
She loved that her sisters visited, and she knew it made no sense to feel the way she did.
But now that she was a mother, no one else could carry the burden of motherhood.
Alex tried to contribute, her friends and family cared and supported her, but in the end it all came down on her shoulders.
She’d never realised before, how much she’d relied on others to help carry her forwards. But now, she felt very alone.
Late that night, Kate sat in the nursery rocking chair, holding Noah against her chest. He’d finally finished cluster feeding and was staring at her with wide eyes.
It was eleven o’clock. The entire neighbourhood had fallen into a deep, quiet darkness.
But she was still awake, and so was her very alert five-day-old son.
He’d had several naps throughout the day, but the evenings were still his witching hour.
She felt almost manic with lack of sleep.
If only she could close her eyes for a few minutes, she’d feel better.
But whenever she tried to lie down beside him, he’d begin to wail.
And the wailing was incessant, grating and impossible to ignore.
He’d finally calmed down. A hiccough, followed by a slow, sleepy blink. He was close to sleep. Then he began to cry. She stood to her feet. He didn’t like her to sit while holding him unless he was feeding. He wanted her to stand, to walk, to sway.
As soon as she stood and began to swing him gently from side to side, he stopped crying, and his eyes drifted shut. If she stopped swaying, they popped open again. So, she kept going, to and fro, swaying, exhausted, on her sore, aching feet.
This was more difficult than she’d thought it would be.
Motherhood was hard—she’d always heard that.
She knew how much work it could be after watching her own parents, and then Nan, deal with the challenges of raising she and her sisters.
But this newborn stage wasn’t something she’d ever witnessed up close before, and it’d knocked the wind right out of her sails.
The garage door whirred open, and a door slammed. Alex was home.
She waited for him to stride down the hallway.
He went to their bedroom, no doubt putting his things away.
Then he popped his head into the nursery.
His brown hair was mussed. He wore a pair of Levi jeans, Doc Martens and a black T-shirt.
Handsome was an understatement. She missed him.
Missed the scent of him, the feel of him.
She wanted to collapse into his arms, only the last thing she needed in that moment was to be touched.
Her greatest desire was to be on her own, lying curled up on her comfortable king-sized mattress with no one needing anything from her.
“Hey, love,” he said, walking across the room to kiss her on the cheek.
Just the sight of him brought on a rush of emotion. She burst into tears.
“Uh-oh. What’s wrong?” he asked, squatting beside her and peering at Noah. “Is the baby okay?”
Between sobs, she stuttered out the words, “He’s fine.
He won’t sleep, though, and I’ve been holding him for hours.
He won’t let me sit down unless I’m feeding him.
He won’t lie in the cot. I’m exhausted. My entire body is aching.
Reeda and Bindi stopped by, but they couldn’t stay. I need help, Alex. I need sleep!”
Alex placed a hand on her shoulder. “I’m sorry, honey. I didn’t realise. You seemed fine this morning, like you had everything under control.”
“Well, I didn’t!” she snapped. “I don’t have anything under control. I spent most of last night rocking him, and now all afternoon today as well. I’m tired. I didn’t eat any tea. I need a drink, but my water bottle is empty, and it takes both hands to unscrew the lid.” Tears wound down her cheeks.
“I’m sorry. Here, let me hold him.”
She handed the baby to Alex, who nestled him close, staring down into his face with a wide smile. Noah lay in silence, snug in his baby blanket.
She inhaled a long breath to calm herself. “He’s fed, burped and changed. All he needs is to go to sleep.”
“You go. I’ve got it,” Alex said, looking up at her with love in his eyes.
Her shoulders sagged. The tension that’d been holding her together was gone. She wandered down the hallway to her bedroom, crawled into bed, and was asleep within moments.