Chapter 35
Chapter Thirty-Five
Kingscliff
The sun shone, and the sky was blue and clear.
Kate strode along the street, happy but a little anxious.
She’d left the house without the baby. It was the first time they’d been apart since he was born a month earlier, and she felt as though she’d been set free.
What should she do first? She only had three hours until he’d need to be fed again, so she should probably head right to the hairdresser in case she ran out of time.
Then, if she could manage it, she might do some shopping, stop for a coffee, or go to the library.
The hairdresser was on Seaview Street, right before the roundabout. Tammy’s Style Centre was one of Kate’s favourite places in the entire world. She hadn’t been for months and was looking forward to some pampering.
At first, she was completely relaxed. As Tammy washed and trimmed her long brown hair, Kate chattered away, oblivious to the passage of time.
They talked about life, relationships, family and the inn.
Tina updated her on the gossip from around Kingscliff.
Apparently, a local family were splitting up and the husband was moving to Sydney after a very public altercation in the main street. Everyone was talking about it.
“I never see things like that,” Kate complained. “I miss all the drama.”
“I had to call the police,” Tammy said. “But it was over before they arrived.”
Next, she learned that one of her favourite boutiques was closing down after a small fire even though the whole community had gotten together to fundraise for the owner.
Apparently, it was a bit of a scandal, and people around town were offended that the money was being used to help pay for moving expenses instead of rebuilding.
Kate loved catching up on the happenings around Kingscliff and Cabarita.
However, before long she began to look at her watch every five minutes.
She became more and more uncomfortable with being away from the baby for so long.
She’d planned to get her nails done but had to leave after the blow-dry instead, waving goodbye to Tammy and the others as she hurried out of the shop.
Back at home, she found Alex in the nursery doing his best to calm Noah, but the baby was having none of it. He screamed at the top of his little lungs while Alex bounced and shushed. When Alex saw Kate coming, he let out a breath of relief.
“You’re home. Great—he won’t stop crying, and I’ve tried everything.”
He handed Noah to her, and she sat down in the rocking chair. The baby immediately settled and only hiccoughed occasionally as he fed. Alex sat on the floor by her feet, his legs crossed. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. Some days are harder than other days.”
“I wish I was better at this. I tried rocking, singing to him—nothing really worked.” Alex frowned.
“He was hungry. There’s milk in the fridge, but I didn’t think you’d need it. I’ll show you how to heat it up for next time.”
As Alex walked away, Kate’s throat ached. This wasn’t how she pictured motherhood to be. She’d believed the two of them would be partners—they were in this together. She’d never imagined that she’d have to parent Noah alone. But at least Alex was trying. Maybe things would get better with time.
She leaned her head back and closed her eyes, moving back and forth gently as Noah continued to feed.
She wished her mother was there. This was the kind of life event you needed a mother to share with you.
Mum would know what to say, how to fix things.
She’d be able to give tips on feeding, changing and sleep times.
She’d hold the baby and let Kate get some rest. She’d know how to settle Noah when he was fussy.
But she wasn’t there, she never would be, and she wouldn’t know her grandchildren.
Kate had cried so many tears over losing her parents, but it’d been a long time since she’d felt this level of grief.
It came in waves so that she had to bite down on her lower lip to keep from calling out.
The pain sat in her chest and restricted her throat.
She blinked a few times and then drew a deep breath.
She’d be okay. At least she had Reeda and Bindi.
They’d been great so far with bringing meals over, calling her to check in, and generally caring.
Still, it wasn’t the same as having Mum there with her.
Nan would’ve loved this as well. Life wasn’t fair, but there was nothing she could do about it.
Nan used to say: “Life is unfair, love. No point stewing over it.”
Nan had so much wisdom. If only Kate had paid more attention to the things she’d said at the time.
She’d learned so much from her grandmother.
Things she didn’t realise she knew but were buried deep down in her psyche so they seemed native to her soul.
Kindness, sharing what you have with those around you, looking out for your family, loving fiercely—they were all things Nan had taught her.
Along with the unfairness of life, and the fact that you never knew when or if you’d see a loved one again.
Kate vowed to treasure each moment with Noah and to stop fretting over how much Alex did or didn’t contribute.
She couldn’t control him. She could only control her own reactions to him, and he was working out how to be a parent in his own way.
She needed to let go because the tension of trying to control everything was eating her up.