Chapter 42
Chapter Forty-Two
Cabarita Beach
Two weeks had passed since Simone walked out of their home while Reeda was out running.
In that two weeks, they’d clashed several times.
It had been an almost daily occurrence. She’d spoken to Duncan about it, and he’d stepped in to talk to Simone whenever he was home.
Today, he’d suggested he could take the two younger children to the park and for ice cream while Reeda taught Simone how to surf.
He thought it might help them bond. She’d asked Simone if there was something she’d like to do, and surfing was one of the things she’d mentioned.
So, Reeda had suggested they surf together, and Simone had begrudgingly agreed.
Reeda had decided to take her to Rainbow Bay, since it was a calm bay with small, curling waves that drifted peacefully to shore.
As they walked down the length of the beach with their surfboards tucked beneath their arms, a gentle breeze blew in off the ocean, lifting Reeda’s hair from her hot neck.
She set her surfboard down near the water’s edge to tie her hair back.
Simone stopped too, set her smaller board on the sand, and stood staring over the waves towards the open ocean.
Reeda wondered what was on her mind. If only she could read the thoughts of that strong, rebellious girl, she might get some insight into what drove her and why she fought so hard against accepting Reeda and Duncan’s love.
“We’ll surf right here in the shallows.” Reeda squinted at Simone in the bright morning sun.
“Fine, whatever.”
Reeda bit her tongue. A little gratitude might be nice. But apparently, it was too much to ask of an almost-teen who knew everything about the world and living in it.
Reeda set about showing Simone how to paddle, how to stand on the board, what to look for with rips and other challenges in the surf, and what to do if she got into trouble.
“You’re not leaving me, are you?” Simone asked, suddenly looking frightened.
“No, I’ll be right here. But you have to know these things if you’re going to get in the ocean. You’ve got to learn about water safety.”
With a little less certainty than before, Simone followed Reeda into the water. They paddled out a little ways together, and Reeda turned to hold her board. “Just catch this one in on your stomach to get the feel of the board.”
She pushed the board, and it went sailing forwards on a small wave to shore. Within moments, Simone had tumbled from the board into the wave. Her surfboard bounced behind her, catching on the leg rope as it floated after her.
Reeda caught the next wave in and helped Simone get onto her feet and paddled out again. Her dark, wet hair was plastered to her head, and she blinked back salt water. It clung to her eyelashes, and she coughed a few times.
“You okay?” Reeda asked.
She nodded but didn’t speak. Then she coughed again as she paddled through a small wave.
The next one was larger, and it tossed her board over onto its side as though it were a small piece of bobbing driftwood.
Reeda duck dived under the wave, then surfaced to see that Simone had been carried back into the shallows and was trying to untangle the leg rope from around her calf.
Reeda sat on her board beyond the break, watching to see what Simone would do. The girl untangled herself, kicked at the water with one foot, sending a spray of diamond-hued droplets into the humid air, then climbed back onto the board to paddle out again.
Good girl.
Simone almost made it out to Reeda the next time, but still hadn’t managed to master the duck dive, and so was thrown from the board again, this time with it shooting up into the air over the wave.
It almost landed on her head when it came down again.
Reeda held her breath, then when she saw Simone was okay, she covered her eyes with her hands for a moment to compose herself.
She was okay. It was fine. But what if it wasn’t?
What if this was the final straw and Simone never trusted her again?
She’d given Reeda this chance, this moment to connect.
It was like an olive branch held up by a small, shaking fist. But if she didn’t manage to enjoy a single moment of their outing, would she hold it against Reeda forever?
Would she ever offer her another chance to connect?
Reeda paddled to shore and helped Simone back on her board.
She showed her again how to duck dive beneath the waves, and they made it out beyond the break together.
The beach was growing busier now with families coming to swim between the red and yellow flags.
Children dug in the sand or splashed in the shallows.
Adults sat in the sun, soaking up the warmth beneath broad-brimmed hats and layers of suncream.
A swell rose behind them, and Reeda turned to Simone.
“Get ready. Here it comes. Don’t forget, this is meant to be fun, so relax and enjoy yourself.”
Simone gave a brief nod, then started to paddle frantically towards the shore.
The wave caught her and Reeda held her breath, waiting to see how it would play out.
Simone disappeared from view for a few moments as the wave rose behind her.
Then Reeda saw the board shoot up in the air momentarily before splashing back down again.
She let out a breath and bent forward to paddle in.
When she reached the beach, Simone had already pulled her surfboard onto the sand and sat with her legs bunched up, her thin arms hugging knobbly knees like two pale ropes over a black wetsuit. Reeda set down her board and slumped onto the sand beside her with a grunt.
“Good try,” she said. “You almost got it that time.”
Simone glowered at her beneath a dark brow.
“No, really—I mean it. You did good, kid.”
Simone rolled her eyes. She got to her feet, her cheeks red. “I was horrible. I can’t do this. It’s too hard. And you wouldn’t even help me. I could’ve been drowned, but you don’t care. Because you’re not my mother, and you never will be!” She spat the last words at Reeda, her brown eyes flashing.
Reeda stood as well, slowly, thinking through what she could say. Simone was hurting, and she wanted Reeda to know it.
Reeda looked Simone in the eye. “I know I’m not your mother, honey. You love your mum, and I don’t want to replace her. I can’t replace her. She’ll always be your mother. But I do care about you, and I hope that someday you’ll let me do that without fighting me every step of the way.”
Simone’s hands clenched into tight little fists at her sides.
“I hate you! I hate you! I don’t want you to look after me.
You’ll get sick of us one day, and you’ll send us back.
That’s what always happens. Don’t think I don’t know it.
I do know it—it happens every time. And they all say the same thing: ‘We care.’ But they don’t.
When it’s too hard, they give up. If it’s complicated, they move on.
If it’s messy, they don’t want to know us.
If my mum shows up, they get out of the way. ”
Reeda shook her head sadly, silent in the face of Simone’s outburst.
“So, give up now because I don’t need you to care for me. I don’t want you in my life. I hate you, and I wish I’d never met you. I don’t need you or anyone!” The words she shouted turned into a scream and she ran down the beach wailing, with Reeda staring after her in surprise, her mouth ajar.
Reeda waited a few moments and watched from a distance as Simone slowed her pace, then moved to the water’s edge to wander along the sand.
Reeda sat and waited, not letting Simone out of her sight but giving her space and time to calm down.
She leaned back on her hands, watching the waves as they curled to the shore, breathing deeply, restoring her own peace while she watched her wayward charge turn around and begin the journey back along the sand.
Finally, Simone sat beside her in silence. She rested her elbows on her knees.
“Can we go now?”
Reeda arched an eyebrow. “That’s it? You scream at me, and that’s all you have to say?”
“What do you want me to say?”
“How about, ‘sorry’?”
“Fine. Sorry.” Simone rolled her eyes.
Reeda turned to face her, her expression softening.
“Thank you. Listen, I know it’s hard. I know you’ve had a rough time with people letting you down or abandoning you.
I don’t pretend to know all of the details, I can imagine it’s been hurtful.
But can we please agree not to use our words to tear each other down?
I’m not here to try to make your life more difficult.
I want to see you thrive. I’m trying…” Reeda’s voice broke on the emotion that welled up her throat.
“I’m trying to give you everything you need for a chance at a good life.
I can’t promise that you’ll always be with me and Duncan—I’m not in control of that.
But I can tell you that if it’s up to me, you’ll always have a home with us. That’s the best I can do.”
Tears rolled down Simone’s cheeks. She quickly dashed them away with the back of her hand. Then, with a nod, she stood to her feet and picked up the surfboard she’d abandoned earlier.
Reeda stood as well. “Would a hug be okay?”
Simone looked at her through wary eyes. Then she moved closer and let her arms wrap around Reeda’s waist, her cheek resting on Reeda’s chest. Reeda enveloped her gently, held her tight and kissed the top of her head.
Then they walked back to the car together with their surfboards beneath their arms. They didn’t speak, but Reeda felt the change in atmosphere between them.
Something had shifted. The wall was lower than it had been before they arrived.
It hadn’t been knocked down yet, not fully, but there were gaps between the bricks that held it in place.