Chapter 2 #2
“You’re saying I’m your type,” I said softly.
Her chest rose and fell quickly as she avoided my eyes. The flush on her chest let me know she was embarrassed.
“Don’t be ridiculous,” she whispered.
“How is that ridiculous? That man and I look similar.”
She didn’t say anything as she avoided my eyes. I pulled her against me so she was nearly flush. Oh, I liked this. This was what I wanted to see from her when she talked about me. The other men didn’t elicit a reaction like this.
“What’s your type?” she asked.
You.
Shit, I couldn’t say that.
I didn’t want to give her false hope because she wasn’t my mate, and at the end of the day, I could never have her. I swallowed down the bitter lump in my throat because I hated myself for what I needed to do.
I shrugged. “I don’t know.” Gods, this is getting too blurry. I like this too much. I needed to put the walls back up before I hurt her by making her think we could ever be anything. “Pretty much the opposite of you—blonde or red hair, blue eyes…”
She tensed against me. My eyes closed tightly, hating myself for lying to her. Her body pulled slightly from mine, and I immediately felt the loss. She nodded faintly but said nothing else. Fuck, I did not like hurting her like this. My grip tightened on her, worried she’d slip away.
Disgust filled my chest.
Her body was rigid against my touch now, like she couldn’t wait to get away from me. I hated this. I hated the way I made her feel. A pain in my chest made my jaw clench. The music ended, and I dreaded it because I knew I’d never have her in my hands like this again.
“Thanks for the dance,” she whispered as she dropped her hands from me. Elowyn didn’t look at me as she moved toward the two men. I watched as she went to the blond man, and he smiled brightly at her, pulling her to him for a dance.
I stood awkwardly where she had left me and watched her.
I knew I should leave. I should turn around and leave this fucking place.
She would find the right guy for her, and she’d forget about me.
But I was a glutton for punishment. I didn’t leave.
My soul felt tortured watching her smile and talk with the man who was everything opposite of me.
She didn’t look to see if I was still there.
She didn’t even seem to feel me staring at her.
“Get in line, buddy.” Someone’s voice tore me from my staring.
It was the other man who didn’t annoy her—the one who looked like me.
“I’m not in line for El.”
“Yeah, sure.” He huffed. “You’re just staring at her like that for no reason.”
“What the hell is your problem?” I asked.
“You pissed her off or something, because I was in the lead for this whole thing before you did whatever you did. Now she’s dancing with him.”
I rolled my eyes.
“She can do better than either of you.”
When I glanced back, Elowyn was gone. I looked around, but she had disappeared.
The man she had been dancing with now stood alone.
Concern flitted through me as I began looking for her.
I walked around the party, but it was clear she wasn’t out here.
My gaze moved to her bedroom window when I saw a shadow move in front of it.
I used my magic and put myself outside her bedroom door. It was cracked open, and she sat on the edge of her bed, her face in her hands. Then I heard a small sob tear from her. I hated that noise.
Did I do this?
“Please, I beg the moon and the heavens and any god who can change my fate to do it. I do not want this to be my future. Please give me back my mate bond, and let me find true love so this curse will go away.”
Mate bond. I knew she would likely have one because queens of covens typically did, but what did she mean give it back?
“I am tired of feeling unseen in a crowd of others. I am tired of being overlooked and not picked. I’m tired of not being enough—for this coven, for myself, or for a man to see me and pick me without stipulations.”
She whispered her next confession softly.
“I’m tired of wanting a man who does not see me. Who will never see me.”
I see you, Elowyn. I always have.
I swallowed hard, wondering if it was me she thought of or someone else.
She sighed heavily as she wiped her face.
Elowyn just stared at the floor of her bedroom without moving.
Someone was coming up the stairs toward us, so I shielded myself with my magic.
They walked past me and knocked on Elowyn’s door.
“Hey, are you alright?” A witch close to her age walked in. She paused when she saw Elowyn had been crying. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“El…”
“I hated all of them. None of those men could be my mate,” she hissed.
“Well, the chances that you find your mate are practically nonexistent.”
She was pissed off.
“I know that. But none of them made me feel anything. I could not love a single man out there.” Her voice dropped, like that hurt her physically.
“What about the handsome one you danced with first?”
Me.
Elowyn laughed, but it was void of any real emotion.
“He isn’t an option. And even if he were…,” her voice trailed off. “We would never be good together. He would never look at me like that. He would never notice me.”
Well, that was wrong.
“Are you sure? He seemed interested.”
Elowyn shook her head.
“I’m nothing he would want. He’s told everyone that before, and he meant it.”
My chest ached as she looked disappointed about that. I did say that, but I was a big fucking liar.
“Alright, so none of those men are making it for another try?” the woman asked.
Elowyn seemed to be thinking as she stared at the floor again. Her eyes closed tightly. My heart felt like it was going to explode while waiting for her answer. I wanted her to say absolutely not.
“The two men I showed you earlier are the only ones,” she finally answered, and it was a dagger to the heart.
“Oh, good. The dark-haired one, Belion, is very interested in seeing you one-to-one.”
My eyes flashed red.
“I’m over the party. I don’t want to go back out there.”
“That’s fine. We’ll send everyone home and let the two men know they can stop by in a few days to set something up.”
“Thank you.”
The woman stood and left the room, closing the door most of the way.
I watched Elowyn as she stood and stared at herself in the mirror.
She let her hair down and brushed her hands through it.
When she met her own gaze, she looked away.
She started trying to undo the back of her dress but couldn’t reach it.
“Godsdamn it,” she huffed.
All of a sudden, she stopped moving and looked me directly in the eyes. I hadn’t realized I dropped my magic and was now visible.
“Abram, what are you doing?”
I stepped into the room and shut the door. My entire body buzzed with excitement at being alone with her.
“I just felt like I upset you earlier, and I wanted to make sure you weren’t mad.”
“How long have you been lurking?”
“Not long,” I lied.
“Well, I’m not mad. You can leave now.” She turned her back to me, waiting for me to walk out.
I paused, my hands clenching to stop myself.
But I took a hesitant step forward, and her gaze flickered to mine in the mirror.
My hands lifted. They shook slightly as I hesitated for a moment before grabbing the strings of her dress and undoing it for her.
Her heavy breathing filled the room. I took my time, my fingers brushing against her bare skin without ever looking away from her gaze. She shivered, and I smirked at her.
“There,” I said.
Her eyes closed, and she shook her head.
“Leave, Abram.”
“El…”
“You shouldn’t have come. There was no reason for you to be here. If anything, you should be happy that I will be so busy with my duty that I can’t annoy you any longer.”
I hated that she always thought I was annoyed by her.
“Being married won’t keep you that busy. I’m sure you’ll be back to annoying me in no time.”
Her attention moved to the floor.
“It’s what comes after getting married that will keep me busy.”
My skin crawled at the tone of her voice.
“Which is?”
“My duty to the coven is to produce an heir. So all my focus will be on that.”
My eyes flashed red, and I couldn’t stop it when her eyes met mine in the mirror.
“You’ll be too busy getting laid to annoy me, is that what you’re saying?”
Fuck, I really did not like that thought. Heat crawled up my spine. The man who looked like me would get to have her forever. Her children would have his bronze skin and her eyes, and the thought made me sick.
“Yes. So, be glad that I am being forced to complete my duties. It means we don’t have to see each other—hardly at all, if ever again.”
“I don’t know why you think that would make me happy.” I glared.
“You need to not come back.” Her words sucked the air from my lungs and began suffocating me. “I need to focus on finding my husband.”
I opened my mouth to argue with her, but I saw the tears silently fall from her eyes and knew she was right.
“My life is to complete my duties—you, out of everyone, should understand the importance of that.”
“Yes, we all have duties, but for them to run your life like this—”
She whipped around, eyes blazing in anger.
“My duty is to the coven. It is the only reason I am alive. The gods know my parents didn’t actually want me.
So, I will find a husband. I will produce an heir—or two or seven.
Then I will spend my life giving myself to a coven that doesn’t like me and a husband who is only with me for my title. That is my duty.”
“Elowyn.” I stepped toward her, but she moved away.
“Don’t pretend to actually care about me, Abram. I know how you feel; you’ve made it very clear over the years that just my name annoys you.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat.
“That’s not true.”
“I’m tired, and I have to figure out which man to marry, so leave. And I will do everything in my power to make sure we do not have to cross paths for as long as I live.”
“For fuck’s sake, Elowyn. I don’t hate you.”
She turned toward me.
“I’m sure my husband will not like that you linger around, so just leave me alone.”
Jealousy bloomed in my chest again. She always knew how to crawl under my skin and say things that pissed me off.
“I don’t give a fuck what your arranged-marriage husband thinks. And your coven is part of my duty. We are tied forever, whether you want to be or not. You are stuck with me.”
I stepped toward her.
“So, you’re just going to linger around me and my husband for the rest of my life—”
“Yes.” I leaned in slightly, voice low and unwavering. “Nothing—not a husband, not a spell, not even you, will chase me from my duty. And the heavens know it will take divine intervention to keep your stubborn ass in line. None of the men out there can handle that. That… is my duty.”
Her eyes widened, flicking to mine like she was both wary and… intrigued. I let a slow, smug smile curl my lips.
“I really hate you sometimes,” she hissed.
I stepped forward.
“Are you sure about that? Because your eyes tell a different story.”
Her gaze glided over me, and I swore I could feel it on my soul as if it were her hands trailing across me. Her pupils dilated as she stared, then she turned away.
“I’ll make sure you get an invitation to my wedding. Maybe I should prepare a little room in the house for you too, since you seem determined to insert yourself everywhere in my life.”
I smiled at her. “If you insist… I’ll take the room closest to you.”
She whipped around and watched me.
“What are you doing?” she asked.
“What do you mean?” My smile widened because I knew what she meant. She wanted to know why I was flirting with her.
There was a simple answer; I couldn’t help myself.
“Flirting won’t make me any easier to deal with, just so you know.”
My hands lifted instinctively, as if they needed to grab her and pull her to me. I caught myself, but Elowyn saw the slip. We stared at each other for a moment, the air between us tight and charged, before I blinked and broke the tension.
I could step forward. I could reach for her. Even once, even just feeling her skin beneath my fingertips, would haunt me for a century.
The thought was dangerous, and it was getting harder to ignore. The truth struck me all at once, sharp and unwelcome. If I stayed, I would choose her.
I looked away before the thought could take root.
She couldn’t be mine, and I didn’t understand why. I felt her gaze on me and looked up. The shred of hope in her honey-colored eyes made me realize how cruel it was to lead her on.
“Good luck, Elowyn. I wish nothing but the best for you.” The words were true. I wanted her to be happy. I just hated that it wouldn’t be with me.
I would be haunted for the rest of my life, watching from the shadows. Watching another man touch her, hold her, love her. The thought hollowed out my chest until it hurt to breathe. The heavens had decided I was not worthy of her.
The last trace of hope in her eyes withered to nothing. “Just go.”
I listened.
When my star mist vanished, I was standing in my home alone. My hands shook once before I clenched them into fists, bracing myself against the familiar ache settling deep in my chest.
“I don’t know why you are testing me,” I said to the heavens, my voice breaking despite my effort to keep it steady. “Give me some sort of sign if she is supposed to be mine. Let her be mine. I have been a good god. I have followed the rules and done my duty. Give me any sign. Please.”
I closed my eyes and pressed my hand to my chest, breathing through the ache. It was getting harder to contain.
I had wanted her for so long that the wanting had begun to feel like a wound that never closed.
“Enough,” I muttered to myself.
But the word rang hollow. I knew with a certainty that scared me I would not be able to watch her choose another man. The thought made my fists clench. I could chase whoever she picked away.
I dropped my hand and straightened, forcing the feeling back down where it belonged. I needed to stay away from her and let her find her happiness. Otherwise, I would choose her. Duty be damned.
The heavens would never allow me to keep her. They would take her from me one way or another, and I could not stand the thought of a world without Elowyn in it.
I could not afford this. Not her. Never her.