Chapter 6
Elowyn
The house was silent as I waited for Abram to come home, and when he did, I still didn’t know what place I was supposed to take in his life.
He usually came home and checked in with me about my day, but then hurried to his bedroom.
Maybe I was reading too much into it, but I didn’t like how quickly he disappeared.
I wanted to do something nice for him for going along with this marriage and letting me hide out there from my coven. My gaze moved around the space and smiled softly at all of his artwork.
I turned back toward the kitchen to the bags of food I went to the village to get. It shouldn’t have felt like a risk to cook in his kitchen, yet it did. He said this was a marriage in name only, so I didn’t want him to think I was trying to do anything romantic.
But he was looking for his mate, and I was cursed to not find mine.
What if I am his.
Would he be able to see our mating bond if I couldn’t? I tried not to be hopeful because if he wasn’t mine and I let myself fall, it would cost me. But my heart rate spiked when I thought of him being my mate. Is this what our life would be like—quiet and peaceful?
With a heavy sigh, I went to the kitchen and started cooking to distract myself. Self-doubt crept inside of my mind if I thought about it too much. But I was determined to find out if there was a reason he’d ended up here with me.
I’m nothing he wants.
He had said that more than once. I swallowed and kept stirring, refusing to let the thought settle too deep. Abram could have anyone. That didn’t mean I was nothing. But it still stung.
I looked over the dinner I was making, and a sinking feeling formed in my stomach.
My coven never ate with me. What if Abram didn’t want to either?
He could’ve made a move on me in the years we’d known each other, but he didn’t.
I zoned out on the food simmering. He had never made a move.
Men rarely did, and I’d stopped waiting for them to.
“I shouldn't be doing this,” I told myself.
I started to clean up the kitchen, hoping he’d get home after I finished hiding everything so he wouldn’t see my effort and feel obligated to react to it.
My chest was tight with embarrassment.
When I saw Abram’s star mist appear in front of me a moment later, I couldn’t help my pounding heart or the nerves that buzzed through my veins. I hadn’t cleaned up anything. His eyes fell to the food, and he looked up at me oddly.
We stared at one another for a long moment before he raised his eyebrow at me.
“Hi,” I said. “I wasn’t sure what time you normally come home, but dinner is almost ready.”
He stepped forward and glanced over the roasted vegetables and steaks before looking at me again. His eyebrows pinched together.
“You made me dinner?” he said softly.
I couldn’t tell what he was thinking, and that unsettled me more than I expected. I looked up at him to see if he was annoyed by it. But he only looked confused.
“Well, I was making dinner for myself, and it’s not hard to just make you something too.” I didn’t want it to sound like I was overstepping a boundary. “Should I not have?”
He swallowed hard. My stomach tightened. I didn’t know what this meant to him, and that was the problem. Say something.
“If you want to do that, that’s kind of you, but I don’t expect you to do any of this.” He rubbed the back of his neck like he was nervous. “I actually have dinner at Della’s tonight—family dinner night.”
My stomach sank.
“Oh,” I whispered, and for a brief moment I wondered if he’d invite me, but I immediately shoved that thought from my mind. Maybe I’d crossed a line I didn’t know existed. I wasn’t sure how to step back without looking like I’d been reaching.
We were a secret. That was the rule.
“I’m sorry. I should have told you. You went through all this trouble, and it looks great.” He stepped closer to me but stopped himself before shoving his hands into his pockets—a habit I noticed he did a lot around me.
“It’s alright. Like I said, I was making myself something and thought you might be hungry.” I turned from him and pretended to do something.
Gods, I hated how much I cared about his reaction.
I needed to let him know that I wasn’t upset.
I turned back to grab the cookies out of the oven.
Abram was watching me closely like he could see this meant something to me.
I avoided his eyes. I knew he wasn’t being mean or cruel, but the feelings of rejection from my coven, them refusing to eat with me or eat anything I made, were bubbling up.
But that was my own shit coming up, not his.
“Elowyn…,” he started, but I didn't want to hear him say not to do this again.
“Here, why don’t you take these to Della’s house for everyone.” I pointed to the cookies. “I made plenty.”
His face fell. “They are going to wonder where I got those because everyone knows I can’t cook, let alone bake.”
And he didn’t want to tell them that I made them.
He didn’t want anyone to know we were married.
After all, that had been his stipulation in this fake marriage, the first thing he demanded—that we tell no one.
The thought hurt, so I shoved it down and kept my face steady like I did with everything else in my life.
No one can see a queen be weak. That was my mother's only rule for me.
“Right. I didn’t think that through.”
I chuckled softly to hide my hurt. This was a bad idea. I could feel it settling in my chest, slow and unavoidable. There was no way I wouldn’t fall for Abram if I stayed here.
“Are you alright?” he asked. “If it had been dinner with literally anyone else I would’ve cancelled and stayed.”
“It’s fine.” I smiled softly, willing him to leave.
“Maybe your coven would like some.” He offered with a kind and genuine smile.
Gods, this was getting worse.
“Yeah, maybe.” I nodded as he turned to go to the bedroom.
My coven wouldn’t. I’d learned a long time ago what silence at a table meant.
I envied Abram and his family. I didn’t know what that was like.
I could feel the years of being unwanted bubbling up, so I shoved them deep inside of me.
I dished up a plate and sat on the couch so I didn’t have to look at Abram.
I shoved a vegetable in my mouth as I stared at the flames in the fireplace. Abram’s heavy footsteps came from behind me a moment later.
Please just leave.
“I should be home in a few hours,” he said.
I nodded. I could feel his heavy gaze on me, but I didn’t turn.
“Alright, have fun.” I ate a bite of steak.
He didn't leave. I turned and saw that he was watching me with an expression I couldn’t read. He opened his mouth to say something but shut it. His eyes bounced between mine before looking away. He stared at the food I had made for him.
“I’ll see you later,” he said.
He disappeared, leaving the house unnervingly quiet. The silence pressed in, achingly familiar. At the coven, I’d learned not to linger at the table, learned how quickly people found reasons to leave. I set my plate down and let out a tired breath.
Another home that felt lonely. Another place I wasn’t meant to stay.
I glanced at the extra food on the counter and stood up so I could plate it.
I needed out of this house that mocked me.
My walk toward the village of Dinam was fairly short.
The sun was starting to set as I made my way through the tree line, hoping that the vendors weren’t gone.
My gaze immediately swept across the crowd for blond hair.
I smiled when I spotted Nate packing up. His hair fell in soft curls over bright blue eyes that always seemed to notice me. The tightness in my chest eased as I moved closer. Nate had been my only friend for years.
“Elowyn.” He smiled as his gaze fell to the plate of food.
“Hi, Nate.” I handed him the plate, and he grinned. “I thought you might be hungry.”
He looked over the food before glancing up at me with a questioning gaze.
“I thought you were making food for your friend?” He leaned against his vendor stand.
“They had other plans, and I didn’t want the food to go to waste."
He nodded and took a bite. I studied him as he tried it, hoping it tasted good. He groaned as he took a bite of steak.
“This is great, better than last time.” He nodded his approval.
“You say that every time.” I laughed. “But does it actually taste good? I cooked the steak exactly like you told me to.”
Nate had been teaching me how to cook for about a year, and when he’d seen the steaks earlier, he’d given me his usual careful instructions. I watched his face, holding my breath. He nodded enthusiastically.
“It’s perfect, El.” He must not have been lying because his plate was nearly empty. “Your friend missed out, but I’m not complaining. I’ll take any leftovers you want to share with me.”
His gaze moved toward me, lingering for a long moment. The urge to look away from his attention was overwhelming, but I held his gaze anyway, even when it made my skin prickle.
“Well I’m glad it was good.”
I glanced around the darkening town.
“You want to go get a drink?” he asked. “You can tell me why you look so sad.”
I turned back toward him.
“I’m not sad.”
He gave me a pointed look and cocked his head to the side, accusing me of being a liar without saying a word.
“You can tell me over a drink.”
Maybe I shouldn’t. I was married. That was a stupid thought to have. Nate had been my friend for years, and my marriage wasn’t real. Besides this was a friend checking in on me and it meant I didn't have to go sit alone at home.
“Alright.” I nodded.