Chapter 9
Abram
Ihad avoided Elowyn since I showed her my star three days ago.
And it wasn’t because I didn’t want to see her; it was the opposite.
Her leaving our home had fucked me up. She could leave.
She could disappear, and the thought terrified me.
I sat on the edge of my bed, trying to forget that she had the same magic as me, or that my star liked her.
There was no bond between us, and that should be proof enough that she wasn't mine.
But maybe I was delusional because everyday I convinced myself that fate was fucked up and maybe she could somehow still end up being mine.
My hand dragged through my hair. The truth of what was happening to me was trying to push forward—I was already lost to Elowyn.
The only restraint I had left was knowing that if I had a different mate, it would hurt Elowyn. I didn't want to hurt her.
Elowyn’s soft whimper from the couch made me pause, my star mist already beginning to swarm. She groaned again, and I moved toward the couch. I stopped in front of her. She looked up at me, her forehead covered in a sheen of sweat.
“Elowyn?” I whispered.
“Gods, strike me down, I feel terrible.”
My lips twitched slightly.
My fingers brushed the hair from her forehead. She had a fever. I hesitated only for a moment before scooping her up. She gripped me tightly as I walked her to my bedroom. I laid her down, her eyes widening as I tucked her into bed.
“Get some sleep.” I told her.
My magic swarmed around her, trying desperately to pinpoint the illness.
Her eyes slowly fluttered shut as my magic pulled the sickness from her.
I sighed as she passed out. She would feel better in a few hours.
My gaze moved to my star that sat on the shelf.
The green tendrils were seeping out of the box and coming toward Elowyn.
My star was attached to her. Every time I closed my eyes, I could feel that tether pulling, an invisible thread humming low in my chest like her name had carved itself into my ribs. What did all of this mean?
Stars above, I could feel it in my chest when it touched her. Nyxthra was attached to me too. This all had to mean something, right? Her name alone made my pulse quicken. The way she had looked at my star, like she’d seen a secret I didn’t want found, still haunted me.
So why couldn’t I see our bond if it's there?
Because it isn’t there. She is not my mate. But why did that feel like a lie?
I told myself that over and over, but the words felt hollow, like a prayer that had long stopped working.
For the last two nights I dreamt of the same thing. Me, Elowyn, and four girls that looked like their mother. The dreams clung to me like smoke. I’d wake up with my hand reaching for her, with the taste of her name on my tongue, with my chest aching in a way that terrified me.
I couldn’t stop thinking about her. I was losing my grip on these emotions and feelings for her. Each hour away from her made me restless. Each glimpse of her made me forget why I should stay away.
Maybe I shouldn’t have let her touch my star; that only made the feelings worse.
My hand dragged through my hair. I needed someone to tell me this was fine or explain to me what was happening.
My star mist wrapped around me so I could go see the new Goddess of Knowledge; she had to know what was wrong with me.
I wondered if Elowyn was feeling better. Maybe I should bring her food when I am done. Fuck, she was consuming my godsdamn thoughts. I couldn’t even focus on what was going on. I felt like I was spiraling.
“Abram?” I shook from my thoughts and looked up to Calva and Vexlyn.
Calva’s eyes were wide as she processed what I told her about Elowyn and my star. Calva had only been the Goddess of Knowledge for a short time. After Della killed Avesh, she was sent by the heavens to fill his place.
Vexlyn’s gaze stared into me. As the Goddess of Love, I wondered if she could see what I was desperately trying to suppress.
“You’re in love with her.” She accused.
Well that answered that question.
“No.” My response was too fast and she smiled at it.
“Then why do you care if your star reacted to her?” Her smile widened.
“Because, my star should only react to its owner… my mate.”
Calva watched me for a long moment, her yellowish eyes dragging over me like she could see something. I straightened as if I could hide my secrets from them.
“Maybe she is your mate,” she finally spoke.
I shook my head. “She can’t be. As old gods we see our bonds immediately when we are close to our mates. I haven’t seen one.” But I feel one. That is what was fucking me up inside. I could feel myself being drawn to her.
“Well, you said she’s cursed, so maybe the witch was strong enough to block it, even for an old god.” Vexlyn suggested.
“No.” I sighed. “No witch would be able to block the mating bond of an old god.”
“Well then the answer is simple.” Calva frowned. “She is not your mate. You just want her to be.”
My eyes flashed red before I could stop it and both of them shrank back at the sight. I shut my eyes tightly and willed the heavens to stop playing games with me.
“Maybe you should go see Evelyn and Admar Calavask in Valynth? She is the Goddess of Love and bonds, she can actually see bonds. I can't.” Vexlyn suggested.
“Evelyn and Admar are still under a hex. I can’t go to them and ask.”
My gaze shifted when Evelyn appeared in the corner of the room, her mouth sewn shut so she couldn’t speak until her hex was broken by her children. Her head tilted as she stepped toward me. Her purple eyes burned with curiosity.
“What are you staring at?” Calva asked.
“Evelyn is here.” I told them.
“But…” Calva glanced over her shoulder. “You said she’s in a hex?”
“She is, but I convinced Ezra, the God of Souls, to help her so she can break it. He agreed. His magic fuels her body for short periods of time so her soul can wander and help break her hex.”
“For fuck’s sake.” Vexlyn looked at me. “Ask her.”
“I can’t. Her mouth is sewn shut.”
“Shit.” Calva sighed.
Evelyn’s eyes gleamed at me. She had always been such a good friend, and I hated seeing her like this.
She stepped forward when her eyes landed on Calva’s Book of Knowledge.
Evelyn pointed to it and a soft breeze filled the space, flipping pages, and we all held our breath to see what she was trying to show me.
The pages flipped quickly before stopping immediately. I glanced at the words sprawled on the page.
The heavens reward the gods with that which their souls ache for.
And they punish them with the same.
The heavens do not forgive unfinished duty.
They remember.
They wait.
Fate is a fragile thing, easily fractured by a single misstep.
What is bent may still pull.
What is broken does not always remain so.
The heavens will correct what was left undone.
Even if fate must be reshaped to do it.
Even at the cost of a god that has always obeyed, except once.
The divine are not safe from their own failings.
Before I could comprehend what that meant, I looked to Evelyn. She pointed at me before her ghost-like form exploded into a million shimmering particles.
“What does this mean?” Calva asked. “Is it talking about you?”
“Evelyn seems to think so. And I trust her. So… probably.”
“What did you do?” Vexlyn asked.
I shrugged before running my hands through my hair.
“I don’t know.” I stared at the book and a cold shiver ran down my spine. Was Elowyn my punishment or reward? “I need to go. Thank you for helping me.”
But my gaze fell to the book when the page turned by itself. Three words were scribbled on it. Vyrak. Gilyx. Kilryn. Vyrak were gone, I made sure of that. Maybe the three words didn't mean anything but I felt unease stir in my chest.
“You’ll tell us if you figure out what is happening?” Calva asked, taking my attention away.
“Yes.” I nodded and when I looked back to the book, the words were gone.
My star mist wrapped around me and when it disappeared, I was standing outside of my home. My heart was beating too fast. My mind was being pulled in a million directions trying to figure out why I was a target of the heavens.
I rested my forehead against the wooden door. Elowyn’s face flooded my mind.
I could still feel the ghost of her fingers against me, like her touch had branded itself into my soul. That frightened me. Now, I was waiting outside of the house trying to work up the courage to go in.
My hand trembled slightly, useless against the storm of want building beneath my skin.
I could sense her through the walls, her energy, her quiet magic—like it was calling me.
I had been coming home late and leaving early, so I had hardly seen Elowyn in the past three days.
But every time I came home, I was drawn to her.
My hands itched to touch her; my chest ached as I watched her.
She was my undoing, and I was standing at the edge of an abyss, pretending I could stop myself from falling.
I had put her in my bed this morning because she said she wasn’t feeling well, but I wanted to see her there. The memory made heat crawl up my neck. She had looked small there, fragile, wrapped in my sheets.
She had looked good in my bed. Too good. The kind of good that made my resolve splinter. My hands dragged through my hair.
“Stop being a coward,” I muttered, staring at the front door as if it was at fault.
The words came out rougher than I meant, like I was angry at myself for wanting her this much.
My hand rested on the door handle for a moment before I pushed it open.
For a heartbeat, I stood frozen, heart hammering, breath unsteady, knowing that once I stepped inside, I’d have to keep pretending I didn’t want her.
When I entered our home, I expected to see Elowyn curled up on the couch with a book, but the house was silent. She must still be in bed if she wasn’t feeling good. Shit, maybe I should have bought some soup in town.