Chapter 12
Elowyn
Abram was not in bed when I woke up. I could hear him in the kitchen doing something, but I didn’t bother getting up.
My gaze moved to the window where dark clouds moved over our home.
Last night had been terrible. The witches implied I was making up Abram, and I couldn’t even bring myself to argue with them.
It was a sham. All of this was fake.
The floor boards creaked, alerting me that Abram was in the room with me. I glanced over to him, and he smiled brightly with a tray of food.
“Morning, wife.”
The term made Nyxthra stir in my chest. I sat up and glanced at the plate of pastries, eggs and sausages, and tea. Abram was watching me like he wanted to see my reaction.
“This looks great.” I smiled softly.
I didn’t look at him as I took a bite of the pastry. What time did he wake up to do this? His eyes were burning a hole in me, so I finally looked up. He was watching me thoughtfully.
“I’m sorry I didn’t go with you to the coven last night.”
I shrugged. “It’s not a big deal. Besides, you were working.”
He fell to his knees so we were eye level as he grabbed my hand and swallowed hard.
“I should’ve gone. It was important to you, and I should’ve rescheduled my meeting. I promise, I’ll go to the next one no matter what.”
I nodded.
“Okay.” I didn’t know what to say.
“Maybe we should talk about your disappointment about me not telling my family we are married,” he whispered like I would spook. “I could tell that I hurt your feelings about going to Della’s separately.”
I looked at the plate of food as I removed my hand from his. I took a bite of eggs as he stared at me.
“You didn’t hurt my feelings.” I lied because I didn’t want to talk about this. It wouldn’t change anything.
“Elowyn…”
“Abram,” I cut in, sharper than I meant to. “You told me you’d only agree to this marriage if we kept it secret. I understand.”
His expression faltered. “But—”
“Please.” I snapped the word before I could stop myself. “You have a mate that isn’t me. You don’t want anyone to know about me, about this. You don’t want anyone to know you ever touched me.”
The air between us turned cold. I could feel Nyxthra stirring. My emotions were too much, and she was waiting like a predator wanting to strike back at Abram for making me feel like this.
“I’m not delusional about what this is,” I said, voice trembling. “It has an expiration date. It’s not real. I can handle one dinner with your family without exposing your dirty secret.”
He rose to his feet, staring down at me.
“Some of this is real,” he said quietly.
I laughed, sharp, humorless. “No, it isn’t.”
“Yes,” he said, matching my glare. “It is.”
Nyxthra’s claws suddenly sank deeper into my mind, feeding on every flicker of pain. I closed my eyes, trying to push her back, but she wanted blood. I felt her slowly slipping into control, taking over my magic. And when my eyes opened, Abram stepped back from me.
“Your eyes are black.”
I ignored him as I stood up, tossing the tray of food on the bed negligently and turning my back on him. Abram watched me get dressed.
“What part is real?” I asked him as I turned back, noting that my voice didn’t sound like my own.
“I care for you,” he answered.
“Yes, like a friend.” I nodded.
His eyes flared. “More than a friend.”
His gaze roamed over me, and I knew he could sense Nyxthra seeping out of me. Abram stepped toward me but stopped when I sneered at him.
“I don’t want to discuss this,” I told him. “I understand why we can’t go to Della’s together, and I don’t care. I know what this whole thing is.”
“Why is Nyxthra coming out?” he asked.
My eyes blackened even more as he stared at me.
“Because I am feeling very angry,” I told him. “She is using it to her advantage. She wants me to hurt you back, so I am leaving.”
“So I did hurt you.” He frowned.
Nyxthra hissed at him like a wild animal in my mind. I begged her to let me go, but I knew she was angry that I kept her bound inside of me.
“I’ll be home later.”
“Where are you going?” he asked. “I wanted to spend the day together.”
I sighed as I slipped on my boots.
“There is no point in hanging out together, Abram.”
He hurried over to me and grabbed my hand gently. His eyes were filled with disappointment.
“Please, stay.”
Nyxthra’s laughter filled my head. Tell him he was the worst choice. Tell him you should have married anyone else.
I shook my head. “I need to get out of here. I feel like I’m suffocating.”
He flinched like I’d struck him. “I’m suffocating you,” he said quietly.
I didn’t answer him. I couldn’t. If I said another word, I’d break. So I pulled my hand from his and walked out the door.
The cool air hit my face like a slap. My steps were uneven, my breath shaky as I moved through the woods behind our home. I could still feel Abram’s gaze burning between my shoulder blades, that look of confusion and hurt twisting deeper into me the farther I got.
Nyxthra hissed in my mind. Running from him when you should be making him bleed for forcing you feel this way. Go to your coven and make them bleed for how they’ve treated you. Then go find your father…
“Shut up,” I whispered, clutching my chest. “Please, just—”
You want Abram to love you, she crooned, her voice silk and venom. You want him to say he chooses you. But he won’t. You were never chosen, Elowyn. Not by him. Not by your father. Not by anyone. Only by me.
I stumbled, my knees hitting damp earth. The sky above me had darkened to near black, thunder rumbling low like a warning.
“Stop,” I begged. My palms pressed into the dirt, shaking. “Please, stop.”
But she didn’t.
You made yourself small for everyone thinking it would make them like you, Nyxthra taunted. You pretended it didn’t hurt every time he called you “wife,” like it isn’t a title created by a sham. You smiled through it, and for what? So he could tell you it’s “partly real”? He doesn’t care for you.
My magic pulsed under my skin, hot and unstable. The air shimmered, leaves lifting into a quiet storm around me.
“Nyxthra,” I warned, my voice breaking. “Don’t make me—”
Make you what? Lose control? You already have.
The world cracked. A tree beside me splintered, bark exploding outward from the force of my power. The wind screamed. My hair whipped across my face as black veins traced my arms, humming with Nyxthra’s laughter.
The longer you let yourself pretend with him, the more control you will lose. And when he leaves you, which he will, it will destroy you.
“Stop it!” I cried, though I didn’t know if I was talking to her or myself.
And then, just as fast as it came, the surge broke.
I fell forward, my hands sinking into the soaked earth, trembling. My body felt hollow, emptied of everything except that one unbearable truth—He could never love me. Not the way I needed. Not the way I wanted him to.
Nyxthra went quiet, satisfied.
You see? she whispered. Pain makes you powerful. Keep feeling it, and one day you’ll stop needing him at all. You don’t need anyone but me.
I lifted my head toward the dark horizon as rain beginning to fall in cold, heavy drops. My throat ached as I stared at the sky. A moment later, Abram was standing over me.
“I’m sorry,” I cried just as the rain started pouring.
He leaned down and scooped me up, kissing my forehead as he carried me back inside. Abram didn’t say anything as he took me to the washroom. His magic swept across the bathtub and filled it with water as helped me out of my clothes that were covered in mud now.
“I’m sorry,” I said again.
“It’s okay.” He helped me into the water. “It was Nyxthra talking, not you.”
I shook my head. “No. She feeds off my thoughts and feelings. She speaks the truths I try to bury, and apparently, she’s had enough of my pretending.”
He frowned, leaning his elbows on the rim of the tub as he watched me sink beneath the water. The warmth stung against my cold skin, grounding me.
“You don’t have to apologize for being upset.” He reached forward and wiped a tear that had slid from my eye without me noticing. “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings; it was never my intention. You know I care about you, right?”
I hesitated. Did I know that? I nodded, but clearly he noticed that I wasn’t sure. Abram’s face fell as he watched me. He cleared his throat softly. No, I didn’t know that he cared for me.
“Clearly I have not shown you that I care. Let me take you out on a date.”
“A date?”
“Yes, like a real date outside of the house. It’s what I wanted to do today with you. There is a festival in Akecia that I think you might enjoy. It has food, vendors, music, and other entertainment.”
He wanted to go out in public with me.
“Really?”
“Yes, really. I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t want to.” He gave me a soft smile. “If that doesn’t sound good, we can go somewhere else. Anywhere you want.”
“No, that sounds good.” I smiled.
He nodded and smiled back at me. But Abram’s gaze lingered on my face like he was lost in thought. He reached forward and pulled a twig from my hair.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
He shook his head, “Nothing. I’m excited to go out with you.”
My chest tightened at the words. I was excited too. But in the depths of my mind I heard Nyxthra laughing.
The city of Akecia buzzed with life. The streets brimmed with people wandering between food vendors and trinket stands, laughter and music weaving through the air. The sun dipped low, but lanterns strung across the road bathed everything in a golden glow.
I turned slowly, trying to take in every detail. I had never been anywhere like this before. My mouth parted in awe at the painters lining the square, the children chasing each other, the couples spinning to the rhythm of a distant lute.
When I looked at Abram, he was watching me with a soft smile.
“I’ve never seen anything like this,” I admitted.