Chapter Eleven #3
“I was sitting at my desk inside the police station waiting for them to arrive when I heard the crash outside. It was a horrid sound of twisting metal and breaking glass. Somehow in that moment, I knew they were gone. The drunk driver was a twenty-three-year-old female. They believed she was traveling at a little over seventy miles an hour when she hit Lauren’s car head on. Nobody survived.”
Nobody survived. When he’d been told that, he had gone wild with grief. His entire world was gone…shattered in a young woman’s bad decision to drive drunk and Jacque’s selfish desire to see his daughter. “I killed them. If I hadn’t insisted on them coming, they would still be alive today.”
Monique placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. “Oh, Jacque, I’m so very sorry for your loss.” To his surprise, her tender voice soothed some of the raw edges inside of him. “You didn’t kill them, Jacque, and you shouldn’t burden yourself with that kind of guilt.”
He sat back up and gazed at her. Her eyes held a wealth of emotion…sorrow for him, an abundance of care and something else…something that he couldn’t quite discern.
“I barely remember the days immediately following the wreck,” he admitted.
“I was in a black hole, and things only got blacker when it was discovered that at the time of her death Lauren was three and a half months pregnant with a baby boy. I had a feeling she’d intended to tell me the joyous news for my birthday that night after work. ”
“Oh, Jacque, my heart positively breaks for your loss.” Tears filled Monique’s eyes and tracked down her cheeks.
He reached out and used his thumbs to wipe away her tears. “Don’t cry for me, Monique.” His grief slowly eased, as if her tears were washing it away. “This all happened a long time ago, and I’ve come to terms with it.”
“Still, my heart breaks for you,” she replied softly. “I can’t imagine the pain you’ve been through, and that hurts me for you because I love you. Jacque, I’m in love with you.”
He stared at her in horror. This was the very last thing he’d expected, and it was the very last thing he wanted. For a long moment he was completely speechless.
“Did you hear me, Jacque? I’m madly in love with you, and I believe you are in love with me. If you are, we could build a new happiness together. Jacque, you deserve to be happy again. You deserve love and laughter in your life. Lauren and Lily would want you to be happy again.”
“Stop,” he snapped. “I don’t want to hear anymore.” He averted his gaze, unable to look at her. “First of all, I don’t do love. I swore to myself when Lauren and Lily died that I would never fall in love again. I want to protect you, and I enjoy your company, but I’m not in love with you.”
He looked back at her in time to see her eyes once again well up with tears.
“Haven’t you punished yourself enough?” she asked softly.
“For the last four years, you’ve punished yourself for a crime you didn’t even commit.
You didn’t kill them, Jacque. A drunk driver killed them, and that driver was the guilty person, not you. ”
“How could you say you love me? What’s to love? I’m a miserable bastard who doesn’t deserve love,” he replied roughly.
“You are so much more than that,” she protested. “Jacque, you are warm and caring, and if you were really just a miserable bastard, I wouldn’t love you like I do.”
“Stop saying that.” Her words of love ached inside him. Especially since he couldn’t…wouldn’t love her back. To his relief, she got up from the floor next to him and returned to the sofa.
“I… I’m sorry,” she said. “I shouldn’t have said anything…and I won’t speak of it again,” she said softly.
God, he’d killed his wife, and now he had hurt Monique. He got up from the chair, needing to get away…needing some time to breathe and recenter himself.
“If you’ll excuse me, I’ll be back in just a few minutes.” He didn’t wait for her response, but he went into his bedroom and closed the door behind him. He sank down on the edge of his bed and opened the drawer in his nightstand. He withdrew the framed photo inside and gazed at it.
It had been one of his favorite photos of the two of them. Lauren and Lily had been sitting on their front porch. Their blond hair had sparkled in the sunshine, and they had both been laughing.
They were long gone now, but they would always be sweet memories in his heart. He was surprised to realize that telling Monique about them had helped ease some of his pain.
Logically he knew she was right. He hadn’t killed them. The accident could have happened on any day at any time. It was a tragedy, and tragedies happened to a lot of people. He had just never thought it would happen to him.
He was surprised to realize how much healing he had done over the past four years. Time really was a healer of bad things. And Monique, he mentally added.
Her softness and her caring had definitely helped. She was in love with him. Her words of love echoed in his mind and resonated in his heart.
As much as he cared about her, he would never invite her into his life on a permanent basis. She deserved a man who had no real trauma in his life, a man who could love her far better than he could. He would protect her through this storm in her life, and then he’d let her go.