Chapter 16
Chapter Sixteen
ADAM
Faith slowed a step when I asked her to stop, but she didn’t turn around, and I wouldn’t chase her.
I turned to see Jessica behind me, her shoulders now drooping and her arms across her stomach. Her bravado was gone.
This sucked.
“Oh sure, now I have your attention.” Jessica shook her head.
“Let’s go talk.” I nodded over my shoulder. Looked like we needed to have the “I don’t plan on dating you” conversation again? Faith was right though; I never specified that I wasn’t interested in dating her.
Her lips pursed together. “Okay.” Her voice was soft, like she was already broken.
I grabbed my jacket as Jessica went and grabbed her things. We stepped through the foyer and out the double doors.
It was too cold to stay outside for very long.
I looked down at Jessica. “Want to go for a drive or something?”
She nodded and crossed her arms over her chest. “Actually, is this like a ‘hey it’s been fun but I’m not interested’ or like, ‘we haven’t hung out in a while and I missed you’ type of drive?”
I rubbed my forehead. Jessica had been a good friend. She even watched Lord of the Rings with me last year when I didn’t want to watch them by myself. I shrugged. “Maybe both?”
She studied her shoes. “Um, I think I’m going to go do karaoke instead.”
I nodded. “I’m sorry, Jessica.”
“Are you dating Faith?” she asked.
I stiffened my back. “No. We really are just friends.”
She raised her brow. “Didn’t look like it tonight. You followed her around like a lost puppy.”
I flinched. I didn’t love that description. What did that say about me?
“Do you plan on staying friends?” Jessica took a shaky breath, looking up at the sky.
I sighed. I had used that “not ready” line over and over since moving back, especially with Jessica. But now I wasn’t sure. I was thinking more and more about wanting to spend time with Faith, but regardless, Jessica would not be who I talked to about my feelings on it.
I chose not to answer.
She took a step back and lowered her eyebrows. “Oh, so just not ready for dating when it’s me, then?”
The hurt in her voice dug at me. But she deserved the truth. The problem was I wasn’t sure what the truth was yet.
“I don’t know when I will date, but regardless”—I hated being this blunt, and I really didn’t want to hurt her, but I needed her to know—“Jessica, I really do like being your friend.”
“But…” she whispered.
My shoulders dropped. “But I feel nothing but friendship toward you. So even if I were ready to date…” I pursed my lips together and shrugged. “I just don’t feel that way about you.”
She looked away.
The cold air froze around us, the silence becoming heavier with each passing moment.
“It’s not like you ever really tried,” she whispered, “not like with Faith.” She held her head high and walked toward her car in the parking lot.
I mean, what was I supposed to say, that I had tried before Faith, and I still didn’t feel that way?
I doubted that would make her feel any better.
So, I left things alone, walked with her to the parking lot, and she opened her car door, started her car, and drove away.
I felt like a jerk.
Jessica was hurting and feeling like I used her, and Faith felt upset when she left too.
I ran a hand down my face. I feel like I’ve been playing ping-pong all night, but I was the ball. I wasn’t sure what I should do or where I should be facing.
I walked over to my truck and started it. It took a few tries to turn over in the cold.
I backed out of the parking lot. So I guess now…I just go home? I sighed. I wasn’t ready. I still felt like I wanted to talk to Faith.
When Jessica asked Faith about her plans, she said she would be home watching Christmas movies and relaxing. I checked my phone. It was barely past eight.
Would it be weird to just show up though? I ran my hand through my hair.
Earlier when I complained about only getting one of Faith’s cookies, she mentioned she had extra, and that I could bring some home for Danny too.
Does that count as Faith inviting me over?
I drove out of the parking lot and onto the main road.
If I went to her place under the pretense of wanting cookies, she might invite me to stay.
I pictured Faith curled up on the couch in my arms, watching a Christmas movie.
I wanted to go over to Faith’s, and it had nothing to do with cookies or Danny.
I thought about Jessica’s comment about me following Faith around like a puppy. Did she think I was annoying?
Stupid Christmas.
Stupid loneliness.
Stupid cold.
My truck slowed at the stoplight, and I noticed the pile of burnt cookies on the seat next to me. I picked one up and shoved it in my mouth, hoping it would settle the uneasiness in my stomach. It was both dry and gummy. I shivered as I choked it down.
The reasons I should keep heading straight out of town, and back to Mom’s, played on repeat in my mind.
But when the light turned green, I made a U-turn and headed toward Faith’s.
I pulled into the duplex and silenced my loud truck’s engine. I scrolled through my text messages, just in case Mom texted. I checked the updated school basketball scores in the other 4A division schools.
I checked my email, which I never did.
I was stalling.
It was late. I ran a hand through my hair and laid my head back on the plaid bench seat.
Would she be happy to see me? Why did that matter so much to me?
She hadn’t seemed happy when I said we were friends earlier, but what had she wanted me to say? Did she want to be more than friends?
I knew what I wanted. I wanted to touch her hair, to hold her hand. I wanted to kiss her lips.
I closed my eyes.
This was stupid. I should leave. The truck roared back to life, and I put it in reverse.
The door to the duplex opened, and Rose Torres stood in the doorway with her arms across her chest. She hollered something I couldn’t make out. I rolled down my window.
Well, I tried. It was manual, and when it was cold, it always got stuck halfway down. I sighed and stuck my head out the gap. “What?”
She rolled her eyes. “I said, are you coming in or not?”
Heat flamed my face. “Oh, umm, I just wanted to make sure Faith made it home.”
Rose raised her eyebrow in challenge. “Okay, silly me. Here I was thinking you wanted to come in.” She shrugged and started to close the door.
“No, wait.” I held up my hands. I put the truck in park and decided the window could stay how it was as I opened the truck door and jogged partway to the glowing inside of Faith’s home.
Rose smiled a devilish grin. “Yes?” she said, drawing it out long and sweet.
This woman would not make it easy for me.
“Umm…cookies?”
Her nostrils flared. “Cookies! Are you serious?” She went to slam the door when Faith’s hand reached around the frame to hold it open. Geez. I stepped back. Rose was a feisty thing; her brother always seemed so chill.
“It’s cold. Did you want to come in?” She was quieter than Rose in every way. She gave me a soft smile and nodded inside.
I didn’t want to go home. I wanted to spend every minute I could tonight with Faith. I had this draw to be near her I couldn’t seem to satisfy.
I walked toward the door, trying to keep my steps from betraying my eagerness, and keeping my hands firmly in my pockets. I was a grown man. I shouldn’t be acting like a hormonal teenager.
I closed the distance between us, stepped into her entryway, and she closed the door.
“We should probably talk about Jessica.” Faith’s arms were crossed over her chest, and she studied her feet.
I closed my eyes and nodded. “Yeah, I’m so sorry about tonight.”
Faith gave a little shrug. “I’m understanding more of where Jessica might be coming from, I think.”
My eyebrows dropped. “What do you mean?”
She raised her shoulder, but still avoided my eyes. “Just that… I dunno.”
I waited.
She exhaled forcefully. “Oh, just that, even if we are only friends…it would be easy to feel more than that, to want more than that…and get hurt.” Her voice trailed off to a whisper.
I stepped closer, placing my hand on her shoulder. Her eyes went to my hand and then to my eyes.
“I probably didn’t handle everything the right way with Jessica.” I acknowledged. “But I talked to her again tonight.”
Faith’s eyebrows lowered as she searched my eyes.
“I told her I didn’t know how I felt about dating.”
Faith lowered her head and stepped out of my reach.
“But.” I moved barely closer to her, but I wouldn’t touch her unless she wanted me to. “That even if I was, I wasn’t interested in her in that way. I feel nothing but friendship toward her.”
Faith studied my eyes in the quiet. “Are you coming to tell me the same thing?” Her mouth formed a tiny pout.
My eyes widened, and I shook my head no. “No, not at all.”
She tilted her chin up toward me. “Then why are you here?” Her brow furrowed.
“I want to spend time with you, and I want to get to know you better.” I shrugged. I sounded so lame in my ears, but it was true. “I don’t know more than that though?”
“What about not being ready to date? What about the whole parent-teacher thing? What about only being friends?” She took a slow breath.
I could feel her nervousness. I sighed. “I don’t have the answers to everything.” I shrugged. “But we could also just see what happens, take things slow?” I ran my hand down the length of her arms.
She nodded and raised a brow, a smile lit up her face. “Are you sure you don’t just want my cookies?”
“I mean, the cookies really are great…” I leaned in closer, and raised an eyebrow.
She chuckled.
I cleared my throat and whispered into her ear. “But in all fairness, I think I should warn you.” She shivered, her face inches from mine. “If you let me in, I’m wanting more than the word friend with you.”
Her eyes shot up to mine, and she pushed hair behind her ear and blushed. “In that case, come on in.” She turned, walking farther into the house.
It took all the restraint I possessed not to scoop her up in my arms and kiss her right there. What was this madness that consumed me?
Take it easy, I reminded my heart and mind.
“So help me, if you are only here for cookies and you hurt Faith, I will slash your tires. Mkay…” Rose’s dark brown eyes and raised brows met mine from down the hall, and she left no room for argument.
“Rose…” Faith groaned and leaned away from me. “Stop. Please.”
Rose stood her ground. It was clear she wouldn’t be moving until I gave her an answer.
“Consider my tires warned.” I nodded in agreement, and Rose lost her sharp edge as she turned and disappeared down the hall.
“But…I mean, have you tried her cookies?”
Rose whipped around and glared at me. I couldn’t hold back my laugh.
She shook her head and turned back around. “Christmas movie is starting.”
We followed Rose into the kitchen and living room, and a plate of gingerbread cookies was placed on the island counter. I looked at Faith with raised eyebrows and pointed to the plate. “Can I?”
She chuckled. “Oh, just grab some.”
“Yes!” I fist-pumped and went to the plate. “Want me to grab some for you guys too?” I picked up three cookies.
“Oh, I’m good, thanks.” Faith waved off the cookie. “And Rose has sworn she won’t eat any more of my treats till after Christmas.”
I stared at Rose in horror. “Why would you do that?”
She rolled her eyes. “Look, not all of us are built like Superman. If I ate all the cookies I wanted all the time, I would need life support getting off this couch.”
I shrugged and kept all three cookies for myself. “More for me.”
I was glad that Rose had taken the far side of the couch, leaving space for me to sit by Faith. I wasn’t sure if Rose would make me pass some tribal friend tests first.
Faith sat in the middle of the couch. She held up the gray plush blanket and gestured for me to come sit beside her. I all but ran to her.
Chill out.
I forced my steps to seem normal.
I sat next to her, and I mean right next to her.
Dating as an adult in my thirties was not something I was exactly skilled at. Not that we were dating, per se…
But it was the first time I had wanted to spend time (almost) alone with a woman, and whenever I left her I wanted to see her more, wanted to know her more. I’d been on several dates since the divorce to appease Mom or someone else, but with all of them I couldn’t wait until I could leave.
Maybe I had finally been single long enough to work through it, or maybe it was Faith.
Her blue eyes glanced up at me, with a soft smile. I put my arm along the top of the couch, and Faith leaned into my side, her head resting on my chest. I had to fight the urge to flex my chest muscles.
Faith looked up. “You have some crumbs.” She brushed her finger along the bottom of my lip.
My stomach tightened, my pulse raced, and I lost all coherent thought. I tried to form words, but I couldn’t make sense of anything. I replayed the feeling of her smooth finger tracing my lip over and over.
“Sorry, what?” I blinked rapidly.
“Nothing.” Faith blushed and pressed her face into my chest.
The Christmas music started, and the title appeared, Seeking for Sexy Santa.
“Seriously?” I chuckled and raised my eyebrows.
I gazed down at Faith. She was bright pink as she pressed into my side. “It was Rose’s turn to pick.”
Rose shrugged. “If your masculinity feels threatened, you are free to take your cookies and go.” She smirked, knowing I would stay on that couch, even if we were watching Frosty the Snowman, which I’d seen more than twenty times in the last few weeks.
I rolled my eyes. “I didn’t know you were into fat old guys.”
Rose smirked. “Oh, you just wait.”