Chapter 30
Chapter Thirty
FAITH
Irefused to sit by and watch so many people that I love lose so much when there was something I could do about it. Rose grabbed my sleeve with her manicured nails and pulled me toward her.
“I know what you’re thinking.” She scowled at me. “Don’t you do it.”
“I’m not seeing a lot of options here.” I muttered under my breath.
“Um, how about not the one that makes you absolutely miserable?” She scoffed. “I’m pretty sure there is a reason you left.”
“Circumstances have changed.” I folded my hands in my lap to keep from fidgeting.
“You know your mom isn’t going to just give you the money without forcing you to come back, right?”
I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, I know.”
Rose raised a brow. “I think it’s fair to say everything is still a bit of an unknown right now. At least give it time. Think it through.”
I brushed my hair behind my ear. I was worried about saying anything. I couldn’t fight the war in my head and Rose at the same time. I didn’t want to reason my way out of what was right, and with time, I think I might.
Scott mentioned that Merritt’s had lost the whole dining room and she wasn’t planning to rebuild. Several in the crowd gasped and Rose’s attention snapped back around and refocused on Scott and the meeting.
I opened my phone and clicked on Dotty’s name. I needed to do this before I changed my mind.
Faith: I might have a plan, but I need to figure some stuff out. Can you give me a week to look into some things before you decide anything about the school?
I couldn’t sit still any longer. I spun my ring and released a tight breath.
This was me sucking in my screams.
Nothing was scarier than my mom. My stomach tied itself in knots at the thought of returning home to her.
I couldn’t focus on other town problems. If I were lucky, I might help with one, and that would need to be enough. I leaned over to Rose.
“Hey, my anxiety is doing weird things.” I wasn’t wrong, but I hated to use it as an excuse to trick Rose, but I needed to be alone. “I’m going to step outside for a minute.”
Rose’s forehead creased. “Okay…” Her lips pursed. She wasn’t happy about it, but she wouldn’t stop me either. “No life-altering plans until at least after lunch.” Her eyebrows raised as she stared at me. “Deal?”
I nodded but didn’t voice a reply as I quickly ducked out of the meeting. My shoes squeaked, and the noise echoed in the room as I rushed toward the exit.
I grabbed the handle and stepped through the door into the cold air outside. I couldn’t think about what I was giving up. I had to stay focused on what I was going to be giving to others instead.
I made it to my car and hopped into the driver’s side seat.
I took a steadying breath, and I counted to three. I scrolled through my contacts and found Mom/Meredith and hit the dial. I hoped one of the numbers I saved as hers would actually work.
Also for good measure, I started driving home and put the call on through Bluetooth. I needed to be doing something with my hands, and it made it so I wouldn’t get caught by Rose or Marissa.
“Astrid?” Her voice held confusion.
“Hey, Mom.”
She scoffed, clearly upset, but I refused to call her Meredith. She was my mother, and that was what I needed her to be right now.
“You never call, and the one time you do, it’s before noon? You know I have social engagements till late on the weekends.”
There was an annoyance in her voice, and next will be smug. I waited.
“Have you given up on this ridiculous notion?” I heard my mother smirk. “Let me guess, you finally ran out of money.”
I steadied every part of my shaking soul. Suck in your screams.
“Something like that.”
“So what?” Rose came in and threw her jacket on the coffee table. “You’re just going to disappear into a life you hate?”
I spooned the flour into the measuring cup and leveled it off with a knife before I dumped it into the mixing bowl.
Mom was sending a plane to the nearest airport tomorrow morning to pick me up.
I counted the cups of flour in my head. I needed something I could focus on, something I could control. I needed baking.
“What about Adam? What about Danny?” Rose walked over to the kitchen counter and placed her hands on her hips. “What about me and Marissa?”
I glanced at the ceiling, trying to keep my tears in place. “Why do you think I’m doing this?” I wiped my hands off on my apron before I waved my hands in front of my eyes. “It’s for you guys!”
“Such a martyr.” Rose scoffed and folded her arms. “And do we even get a say on whether we want you to?”
I rubbed my forehead, feeling the flour dust my skin.
“I’m not planning on staying. I hope I can reason with my parents.
” I steeled my shoulders and looked at Rose.
“But if it comes down to it, yes.” I cleared my throat.
“I will go back to a life I hated, so that the people in this town, including you and Adam, can recover. So you can keep your business, so my beautiful students don’t have to have their lives turned upside down, so Adam keeps his team and job, and so this town that I love doesn’t dissolve into nothing.
” My shoulders collapsed. “So many families in this town rely on that school.”
Rose’s anger broke. She grabbed my arm and pulled me in for a tight hug. “You’re stupid even to consider it.” Her voice shook as she spoke.
I took a shuddering breath; I had already cried tonight about leaving, and I was determined not to break into tears now.
“What are you going to tell Adam?” Rose whispered as she stepped back.
The broken pieces of my heart shattered even smaller. I rubbed my eyes. “I don’t know.”
Rose shrugged. “He might move to New York?”
I shook my head, stopping the thoughts before they could form.
“He loves his life here. He has fought hard for that peace. I refuse to be like his ex, requiring more and more sacrifices from him for my pretend happiness. I won’t even ask.
There is no point in us both being miserable.
” I looked at the pattern on the linoleum floor.
“I haven’t even told him about my name change.
We talked about the life I lived, but not the specifics.
” I shrugged. “Things felt too new, and now it almost feels too late.” I chuckled as I wiped a stray tear off my cheek with my shoulder.
“I think I might wonder for the rest of my life if, given more time, we could have worked.”
“You sound a lot like you don’t think you are coming back.” Rose grumbled.
I really wanted to. I hoped I could make my parents see me. The real me. And that they would help, but I wouldn’t hold my breath.
Rose sighed. “When do you leave?”
“Tomorrow morning,” I whispered.
She raised her brows. “Look, I don’t care who your parents are, if they trap you in a life you aren’t happy in, just know I will be on the next flight to give them a piece of my mind.”
I laughed and cried, because I knew she meant it. “I don’t deserve you.”
Rose scoffed. “You’re wrong. They’re the ones who don’t deserve you.” Rose placed her hands on my shoulders. “Just because someone is family doesn’t mean they’re right; if they can’t see the amazing person you are, they don’t deserve to be in your life.”
There was no stopping their tears now. They flowed freely from a space that bounced somewhere between happiness and sorrow.
“Sometimes the family we choose, the ones who will stand by us and fight our battles, that’s your true family.” Rose dipped her head to make sure I was listening.
The tears streamed down my cheeks. I took a deep breath.
Rose nodded back to the kitchen. “All right, what are we making?”
I shook my head. “You hate cooking.”
She shrugged. “What has that got to do with anything? If you’re cooking on your last night here for who knows how long, then I’m cooking right beside you.
” She picked up my phone from the counter and handed it to me.
“But first, you are going to call Marissa and Adam and tell them to come bake too.” She searched my eyes.
“I won’t let you disappear, like you did from your old life.
You have people here that love you and need you.
” Rose gave me a sad smile. “You would never forgive yourself if you disappeared on them.”
I sighed, Rose was right. I owed it to them to let them know I was leaving tomorrow. I planned on telling them, but I was also avoiding the pain as well.
Rose unlocked my phone that was set on the counter, and scrolled down to Marissa. “Maybe start here.”
My jaw flexed, and I cleared my throat. “Okay.” I nodded.
Rose hit the call button and retreated to her room to give me privacy.