17. “Milady! Your dragon–”
CHAPTER 17
“Milady! Your dragon–”
Melinda Mayweather
We step into a garden courtyard that looks like it was plucked out of a fairytale, complete with a curving path leading to another tower. “So tell me more about the real King Arthur,” I say, trying to sound casual while my inner history nerd is doing cartwheels.
Kellan gives me a gentle smile before replying. “Depends. I’m sure there are many stories of King Arthur. Camelot’s been gone from the Earth for so long. Tell me what you’ve heard.”
“That King Arthur ruled Camelot. The Knights of the Round Table protected it. Guinevere and Lancelot had a tragic love story. Merlin the wizard was his mentor.” I lead him toward a very common story.
“Hmmm, well, first King Arthur was a Fae and Merlin was his brother, not his wizard. Many humans called Fae people ‘wizards’. The Pendragon and the Stormblood families built Camelot and the portals together. It was the first time in history when we could travel between worlds without using a siren.”
“So Camelot was originally on earth?”
Kellan nodded and led me through a small garden filled with brightly colored blooming flowers. “Yes. It was built on Earth. The Pendragon family decided to stay behind when the Fae were forced to evacuate Earth by the High Council. The Stormblood family created this Avalon—this island pocket universe we’re in—and picked up the Fae crown after everything was done. They’ve been ruling ever since.”
“Wait. So they moved Camelot from Earth to here?” I gesture around with my hand. “It’s huge.”
Kellan nods.
“How did they move a whole castle?”
He smiles at me and shakes his head. “You’ll have to ask Hawke when he comes looking for you. I’m not a Fae, so I don’t quite understand the capabilities of bending reality.”
The mention of Hawke distracts me from the history of Avalon and back toward the ache in my chest. I already miss his presence and want him close to me. The memory of his touch, his kiss, lingers on my skin, a bittersweet reminder of what I will never be allowed to keep. Except Hawke doesn’t believe me. Fear for him coils in my gut like a venomous snake.
My magick, the very essence of who I am, is about as stable as a nuclear reactor run by squirrels. It's the reason my birth father died the moment I took my first breath. The reason I've hurt so many, even those I love. The reason my mother is dead. The reason all of my family is gone. The reason I’m completely alone in the world.
How can I let myself dream of having Hawke? I’m a terrible person for even considering it. The thought of losing him, of my curse claiming yet another life, is a weight that threatens to crush me. And yet, the pull towards him is undeniable, a siren's song I'm helpless to resist.
As we ascend a grand spiral staircase, my hand trailing along the smooth, seamless stone, I let myself bury the despair and worry and bask in the sheer beauty of the Fae-crafted castle. “How did they build it so perfectly? I can’t see where one stone stops and another begins.”
“The fae manipulate reality. You cannot see seams because they’re aren’t any. They made it that way. And it is magnificent.” Kellan pauses before an ornate wooden door that looks like it belongs in Middle-Earth. "Your quarters, Domina ," he says, his voice a low rumble.
He swings the door open and my breath catches in my throat. The room is a vision of opulence that would make the Palace of Versailles look like a Motel 6. But it’s the giant copper bathtub that really draws my eye, steam rising from the water in an inviting curl.
Two Drakonii maids stand at attention, their eyes lowered in deference.
I shift uncomfortably, unused to such attention.
Kellan, sensing my unease, moves to my side. "They are here to serve you, Domina ," he says gently. "Elen and Lydia both volunteered to care for you and ensure your comfort and well-being. If you need anything. If anything happens. All you have to do is touch the dragon on your wrist and call for me."
“Touch the dragon. Right.” I nod and sneak a quick glance at the tattoo. What is touching it going to do? I brush my fingers over the small tail and smile when it wriggles away, circles my wrist and loops back like it’s waiting to see what I’m going to do next.
“I’ll be back with some food for you, Domina. You are safe here with Elen and Lydia.”
I nod. “Thank you.”
He closes the door and leaves me with the women.
“May we approach, Domina? ” The older of the two women next to the tub speaks.
“Yes. No. I–” I eye the tub, imagining what that nice hot water will feel like. I need a bath. But I also just need that hot water to wash away some of the crazy feelings I’ve experienced over the last twenty-four hours. “Where do you want me?”
“Milady, if you’ll just stand here, we’ll help you out of your clothes and then we can wash your hair and let you soak. I’ve added some oils to the water to help relax you. Master Kellan said you’ve had a stressful day.”
“I can undress myself. Turn around, please.”
“Yes, Domina . Of course,” they both answer together and turn to face away from me.
I dart a glance at the door to the hallway. “Is the door locked? No one will just come inside, will they?”
“I’ll secure it, Domina .” The older maid walks forward to the door and I hear a lock snick into place. The tiny sound sends a ripple of relief through my body.
I start unhooking and removing the cloak, the dress, and the barely there shift beneath that. It all piles around my ankles. It’s weird to undress with other people in the room.
“How do you know Kellan?” I ask, trying to distract myself from the idea of having help bathing. But after looking at the pitchers and vials and brushes laid out by the tub, I know I’m going to need help. I follow their instructions and climb into the water.
“I’m in. You can turn around now.”
The older of the two maids, a woman with kind eyes and a gentle smile, turns first and meets my gaze. "Neither of us have ever met Master Kellan before today. We are part of the King and Queen’s retinue and volunteered to help care for you while you’re here in Camelot for the Changing of the Guard. His reputation is known throughout our world. He is the most highly sought after somatophylakes in our world.”
“He doesn’t have a family of his own, anywhere?”
“Most Drakonii who train to be somatophylakes only serve for a few centuries before settling down and having a family. Kellan has served over and over for many many centuries. Never once has there been a rumor he was considering settling with a family.”
That’s sad. He seems like the family type of man.
But I don’t say any of that out loud. Instead I sink down further into the perfectly hot water, leaving thoughts of my big dragon-y bodyguard to float away. Because even though I know I shouldn’t want him, my mind keeps wandering back to Hawke. The way he looks at me. The way his touch ignites a fire inside my soul. It’s a connection I can’t deny, curse or not.
But getting into a relationship with Hawke will be dangerous. My emotions will be volatile and vulnerable. The chance of getting pregnant is too great. I was on birth control before I got here, but I didn’t exactly come through the fountain to Avalon with any luggage, so my pills are in my bag back at the camp at the foot of the mountain.
And just like that, you’re back to thinking about sleeping with him. Something you can’t ever do. Focus. Less ‘Fifty Shades of Fae Prince,’ more ‘How not to destroy the world with your magick.’
“Could you just leave me here for a while, please. I haven’t had a moment alone since I arrived.”
“Master Kellan told us to stay with you, Milady.”
Tears well in my eyes. “Could you just wait outside the door? Please? Just for a few minutes.”
Both of them exchange a look I can’t really see because my vision is blurring. I can't hold the tears for much longer. And I just need a minute. A minute without a man hovering over me. Or a woman. Or anyone.
“I just need to cry,” I say it out loud without meaning to. “And I just want to be alone. Please.”
The older of them nods. “We’ll be right outside if you need us, please just call for us. We’ll come back and help you dress.”
“T-thank you, um…ah–”
“Elen,” the older woman answers. “I’m Elen and that is Lydia,” she says, pointing to the younger woman.
I nod, grateful and slightly embarrassed. Kellan had introduced them, but I hadn’t been paying close enough attention to which was which.
After the door closes behind them, I let the tears run down my face. They’re slow at first, just a trickle here and there. But it doesn’t take long for everything I’ve been holding in to come pouring out and the little stream of tears becomes a flood. And sobs wrack my body and… fuck . My magick billows out and I try desperately to clamp down on it.
But I’m so tired.
I’m so anxious.
It was so stupid to think I could cry and not lose control. I know better.
“M-milady. Something’s wrong.” Lydia’s voice calls from behind the door. “I don’t feel well.”
“Fuck, I’m sorry!” I cry out, clambering out of the tub with a huge swish of water. “I’m so sorry.” Breathe. Make it stop. You’re going to hurt everyone in this tower. I start to count. It always helped before, but it’s not right now. I’m still a ticking magickal time bomb.
“Kellan!” I slap my hand against the dragon tattoo on my wrist. “Help me. Please help me. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I don’t want to hurt anyone.”
The ink on my skin shivers. I glance down at my arm, watching the lines blur and shift. A tingle runs from my wrist to my shoulder, like static electricity dancing across my skin. Where my tattoo should be, there's only bare skin. My stomach drops.
A moment later there’s a green, made-of-light, creature swirling around my body… and its holding back my magick. Pulling. Pushing. Tamping it down. Helping me put back into the locked box deep inside me where I hide it.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Whatever you are.
I grab the towel on the chair next to the bath and wrap it around my wet body so I’m not crouching on the floor naked.
The door opens and the two maids come back inside in a rush, but freeze in the doorway. “Milady! Your dragon–”
My dragon. Um, no I don’t have a dragon. Kellan has a dragon. I have a magickal crisis.
“ Domina .” Kellan’s big voice booms down the hallway. A second later he pushes past the maids and wraps me up in his arms all over again. More green light surrounds me. His magick.
It’s warm. And safe. And calming.
He sits me on the edge of the bed and wraps me in a thick soft blanket. Then kneels in front of me. His face isn't worried. Or angry. Or impatient. His eyes are kind and full of concern.
“I’m sorry. I lost control. I touched the tattoo like you said and you came. Thank you,” I say, barely able to see him through the blur of tears and magickal light still swirling around us. “The tattoo is gone. It left me. Did it go find you?”
He has my hands in his now. He squeezes them. “The tattoo is with you, Domina . She’s flying around us right now, helping you keep your magick in check.”
“She?” I ask, feeling like I’ve missed a crucial piece of information.
“Her name is Siva. She’s young, but strong. That's why the tattoo is still so small.”
“What?” I pull a hand free from his and take a deep breath. “The tattoo has a name? How–I don’t understand.”
Kellan wipes away my tears. And points to the light circling us. I focus on it and realize it’s not just light. It’s shaped like a–dragon. There are three dragons in the air swirling around us.
“Siva is the smallest. I gave her to you when we sealed our bond. Siva, you can say hello now.”
Domina. It’s good to finally be able to formally introduce myself. I’m Siva.
My breath catches in my throat. The green-energy-light-dragon has stopped circling and is staring right at me. It talked to me. Not out loud. But I heard the words in my head very clearly in a female voice that was not mine.
“Kellan?” I look back at the very not-concerned-at-all man, like energy dragons speaking in your mind is completely normal. “Can you hear her?”
“Yes. We are all connected.”
I didn’t say anything before Kellan got here. It took everything I had to help you keep the magick contained. You have a lot of it.
I glance back at the ethereal dragon. Then at the other two, much larger dragons still circling us, their bodies phasing right through the bed like it doesn’t exist.
“This is a lot. I don’t know what to say. But thank you for helping me. Thank you for getting Kellan. I couldn’t bear it if I hurt more people.”
Kellan was already on his way when he felt you getting upset. I never left you, Domina. I’ll never leave you.
More tears burn behind my eyes. I blink them out and snuffle through a sob.
Kellan, why is she still sad?
“She’s tired, Siva. Go back to her. The magick is calm now.”
A blur of light passes in front of me and I feel it again—the little tattoo wriggling on my arm. I look down at it with a new sense of aw. It’s alive. It protected me. She protected me. Siva.
The other two dragons disappear a moment later, melting back into wherever they belong on Kellan’s body.
“You’re a dragon shifter with… extra dragons? Can they talk too?”
Kellan chuckles, his voice rich and deep and soothing, reminding me of how my dad would laugh. “They are guardians. They are a gift from the World Tree to the Drakonii. Not only can we change into physical dragons, but throughout our lifetimes we are blessed with guardians who protect us in this form. And yes, Rhistel and Nalaea can speak.”
I brush my fingers along Siva’s glistening green tail, smiling when it slithers further up my arm and disappears around the bottom.
Kellan continues, “Siva is now your guardian and as she ages, she will grow.”
“It’s really rather fascinating,” a familiar female voice calls from the tub in the center of the room. “The guardians pick a Drakonii and then they have families on them. Every single one of Kellan’s tattoos is another guardian.”
I glance at the tub, surprise tightening my chest. Nimue.
Kellan grabs my hand and stands to block most of my view, but I can still see the water-queen-siren-lady standing in my bathwater. Her violet eyes are bright and a smile plays at the corners of her lips.
"Do not fear your connection to Hawke, Melinda," she says, her voice a silken caress that seems to fill the room. "Your bond with the Fae prince is fated, written in the stars long before either of you drew breath."
I stare at her, my mouth dry and my pulse pounding in my ears. Part of me wants to run, to hide from the intensity of her gaze and the weight of her words. But another part, the part that yearns for Hawke with every fiber of my being, hangs on her every word.
“You can’t know that for sure, Nimue,” Kellan bites out. “Soul magick has been broken for centuries.”
Soul magick? I give Kellan a curious look before turning back to the Siren. “I’m cursed. You don’t understand. It doesn’t matter what you say. I can’t be with Hawke. It’s dangerous.”
“You’re in Avalon now. Everything is different here. Hawke will die without you." And with those haunting words, she climbs out of the tub and takes a seat on the stool next to it.
“Wait. What?” My mind is reeling and my heart is racing. Her words echo in my head over and over. “Die without me? That can’t be true, he’ll–” I can’t say it aloud.
But I think it.
He’ll die because of me. Eventually.