Chapter 17 #3
I bob my head with a smile. "True," I admit. "Otero taught me the art of deception while Lupe made sure I never used my power to benefit myself. Balance."
"Balance," Cas agrees, reclining deeper into the cushioned seat. "How is she?"
"I'm afraid you will have to be more specific, Cas."
"Ines." There's a sadness in his voice that wrecks me. "I keep seeing her head underwater and I …"
When he trails off, I mercifully take over. "I told you not to go into the room with me."
"I know," he exhales a steadying breath. "But you can't shield me from the cruelties you’re forced to inflict forever. If I am to be king one day, I need and want to know how I reclaimed my throne."
"Wars are ugly and are won by generals," I repeat the mantra my parents used to say daily. And they're right. "I do not wish you to shoulder the burdens I do, Cas."
"Always the protector." There's a bite in his tone I don't particularly care for.
Every few months we get into the same argument.
Cas wants to be more involved in the daily operations and I always stiff-arm him away, partially to protect him but mostly to ensure he doesn't see me in a different light.
I couldn't bear him seeing me as a villain.
"I swore an oath – "
" – to your dying mother. I know, Remus. The guilt of knowing she and so many others sacrificed themselves to save me haunts me. Countless people still sacrifice for me, and it makes me feel as if I'm not pulling my fair share."
"It's not just you, Cas. It's what you represent: hope, peace, unity. If we lose you, everything orchestrated for the last fifteen years will be for nothing. Hold on a little longer," I reach out and pat his hand. "It's almost over."
A silence stretches between us and for once, it's comfortable. I tilt my head back and rest in my armchair and if I sit here long enough, I'll doze off, but sleep isn't meant for me yet.
"You care for her."
My gaze meets his. "Who?"
"Ines."
I open my mouth and scrunch my face, prepared to rebuff any inkling of attraction for the girl to my dying breath, but Cas lifts a hand, robbing me of the opportunity.
"Don't insult me by attempting to deny it. I saw the way you looked at her and how you perked up at the very sound of her voice."
I laugh, downing the last of my whiskey. "Always the romantic, Cas. You and Otero have quite the imagination."
"We've known each other our entire lives, Remus. Hell, we were born weeks apart. You're more of a brother to me than a cousin."
"What's your point?" I ask, exhaustion making me irritable.
His brown eyes soften, and he taps my foot with his. "My point is you can lie to everyone else, including yourself, but you can never deceive me."
And just like that, he's rendered me speechless.
He's right. We've grown up more like brothers than cousins.
Born three weeks apart, he's my junior, and I feel a responsibility to keep him safe.
His mother and my father were siblings and when Cas and I were born, not only were we some of the first Venturan born Orlencians, but we symbolized the merging and uniting of our two peoples.
Cas was born with his wings and the people of Orlencia rejoiced that the marriage between a Venturan woman and their Orlencian king would solidify relations and the future of our city.
Until everything went to shit.
"You still won't admit it." Cas' voice draws me from my cumbersome thoughts.
"It could never happen," I insist, purging Ines from my mind.
"Why not?"
"She is a distraction, and I can't afford to lose focus now. Not when we are so close to accomplishing our goal."
"Have you ever considered maybe she would bring you some happiness in the midst of misery?"
I shake my head, refusing to consider the notion that I, Remus Kane, could ever be happy. "She could be my downfall."
"Or she could be your peace."
"Ines bring me peace?" I laugh until her face pops into my mind. "She's a stray bullet streaking through the night and I'm afraid I'll be unable to avoid her destruction."
"Now who's the romantic?" Cas laughs. "You're practically a poet."
"You vex me, Cousin. Not everyone can have what you and Alba have."
He smiles at the mention of his fiance’s name.
I stand, placing my glass on the table to be dealt with tomorrow. "Will you be staying the night?"
Cas nods, though he makes no attempt to purge himself from the chair. "I'll be gone before sunrise."
I make my way to leave but pause in the threshold. "Is Carmen still angry with me?"
"What do you think?" he offers sarcastically and confirms my suspicions.
I groan, running my palming down my face. "I don't blame her. I'm still angry with myself."
"Go talk to Carmen," Cas says. "And preferably before the next Ordo Vulpe meeting, otherwise she'll shred you publicly."
"Ines would enjoy that." I say before I can mull the thought over. Sparks flash in Cas' eyes.
"I dare say, Ines might find your public flogging quite enjoyable."
I roll my eyes and tap the wall as I leave. "Good night, Cas. And try to leave a little whiskey for me."
"I make no promises."