Chapter 50
FIFTY
Although in considerably better spirits than when she’d left, Geneva was no less conflicted when she returned to the house and joined Honor and Rose, who were trimming the tree.
The two girls chatted like magpies and oohed and aahed over every bauble that came out of the box, and Geneva realized that they truly were happy.
Rose was thrilled to have broken out of the prison that was the house in London, and Honor, although deeply saddened by their father’s illness, was still a child at heart and believed that the adults would figure things out and her life wouldn’t be affected overmuch with the changing of the guard.
Which put all the more pressure on Geneva.
For years, she’d gone without any hint of romance on the horizon, and suddenly there were two men who cared for her and needed an answer from her by the end of the year.
Geneva supposed it made it easier to know that Honor would be provided for either way, but the choice she made would affect her sister regardless.
Why did this all have to happen now? Geneva thought as she lifted a silver star out of the box and held it up to the light.
The ornament glowed in the weak winter sunlight and reminded her of Edwin, who had chosen the star when he’d spotted it in a shop in London.
He had been gone by the following Christmas, but the star was still there, a stark reminder of the brevity of life and the importance of seizing the moment.
Geneva hung the ornament on the tree and retreated to the drawing room, Honor and Rose’s excited voices the background noise to her thoughts.
If only she had more time. In the novels she read, the heroines were always so certain of their feelings and ready to sacrifice all for love.
Was she a cold fish, or was real life not as straightforward and it was natural to consider the pros and the cons and ask the really difficult questions?
And there was so much to consider, since she would be the one to make all the sacrifices whatever she chose.
Rory would have a new life in America, and maybe, in time, become his own boss.
If Geneva refused to go with him, there would be no shortage of women happy to share his life, and perhaps they would be better suited for him in both their beliefs and their expectations.
And Jesse wasn’t bound to this place in any emotional way.
He’d sell the estate and move on; the proceeds would enable him to live comfortably on Long Island, wherever that was.
He would find someone to love him the way he wanted to be loved.
He’d forget her sooner than he imagined and build a family of his own far away from Bellamy Hall, which would probably not even be called that anymore once it was sold.
Jesse had said he would settle an allowance on her, which presented Geneva with a third option.
She could leave this place and create her own life, but the prospect of being out in the world on her own was even more frightening, since she would no longer truly belong anywhere or be able to count on protection from anyone.
As much as she wanted to believe that she was a strong, independent woman, deep down she thought she was quite conventional and wanted the things she had been taught to desire—a home, a husband, children, and the freedom not to worry about money.
But what she desired above all was to love and be loved in return.
“Genny, we’re finished trimming the tree. Do you want to go ice-skating?” Honor asked as she poked her head into the room. “Jesse is game. He said he’ll meet us at the pond.”
“Go on without me,” Geneva said.
She had no idea why, but she was frightened.