Chapter 7 Serena
SERENA
Then I spend three hours in a cycle of being excited, worried, convinced that I’ve made this whole thing up, back to excited. But at least I use the time to shower, do my hair, and change my outfit four times.
In the end it’s time to leave and I stare at my reflection in the mirror like it holds the answers to questions I'm too scared to ask.
Is this a mistake? Is this a complication you can’t afford? Should I cancel?
But there’s no way in hell I’m cancelling because every time I close my eyes, I see him. The way he looked at me in the mess hall. The way his hand on mine lit me up inside. The way he said please in that hallway.
Nobody has ever looked at me like that. Nobody has ever wanted me like that. Maybe going for it with Blaze makes me selfish or reckless. But for once in my life, I want to know what it feels like to choose something just because I want it.
I pull into the Eagles Crest parking lot at 9:58.
He's already here.
Blaze is leaning against a black pickup truck. His arms are crossed over his chest and he’s watching the road like he's been waiting for hours. He's in jeans and a gray henley that stretches across his shoulders. When he sees my car, his whole face changes.
Blaze flashes me a smile so genuine it makes my heart flip over in my chest.
Fuck, I’m in so much trouble.
I park next to his truck and take a deep breath before I get out.
He's already moving toward me. Out here without all the eyes on us, I feel like I can breathe. For a second I think he's going to pull me into his arms right here in the parking lot. Instead he stops a foot away. He’s close enough to touch me, but he doesn’t.
I wish he would.
"You came," he says.
"Of course, I said I would."
"I know." His voice is soft. "But I wasn't sure you'd actually show."
“I wouldn’t miss it.” I shove my hands in my jacket pockets to keep from reaching for him.
“Come on.” He gestures toward the trailhead. "Walk with me?"
We start up the path in silence. The trail winds through towering pines and dappled sunlight filtering through the branches. The only sounds are birdsong and the crunch of gravel under our boots.
It's peaceful and private… Dangerous.
"I used to hike trails like this back home," Blaze says after a while. "All the guys in my family work for a logging operation up in the Pacific Northwest. Timber Logging over in Lumberjack Lagoon."
"Lumberjack Lagoon?" I glance at him with a giggle. "Is that why you're so..."
"Big?" He grins. "Nah, that's just genetics. But hauling timber since I was twelve probably didn't hurt."
I try to picture him as a kid with gangly limbs, messy hair, climbing trees and getting into trouble. The image makes something warm bloom in my chest.
"What was that like? Growing up in a logging family?"
His smile fades a little. "Rough. My dad was old school, you know, boomers doing boomer shit. It was all hard work and harder discipline. My mom died when I was seven, so it was just me and him and my two brothers."
"I'm sorry. About your mom."
"It was a long time ago." He shrugs, but I can see the shadow in his eyes. "Anyway, I was the wild one. Always getting into fights, skipping school, doing stupid shit to prove I was tough. You know how guys are."
"What changed?"
He's quiet for a moment. The trail curves around a bend, and suddenly we're overlooking a valley. The miles of green stretching out beneath a cloudless sky are breathtaking. Blaze stops at the edge, staring out at the view.
"I almost killed someone," he says.
My breath catches and I blink up at him. "What?"
"Bar fight. I was nineteen, drunk, angry at the world.
" He shakes his head. "Some guy said something then went in on my brother.
I don't even remember what happened next. But when I turned and saw him on top of my brother, I snapped. Beat him so bad he was in the hospital for two weeks. I’m not proud of it. "
My jaw hangs open and I don't know what to say. The man standing next to me is gentle, patient, and careful. I can’t reconcile it with the picture he's painting.
"What happened?"
"He survived and I promised the judge I’d enlist." He turns to look at me, and there’s nothing but sincerity in his eyes. "The military saved my life. Gave me structure and purpose. Taught me how to channel all that anger into something useful instead of destructive."
"And now you teach survival training."
"Now I teach guys how to stay alive when everything goes to hell." A ghost of a smile plays on his lips. "Turns out I'm good at surviving."
We stand there in silence. I hear the wind rustle through the trees and I think about all the assumptions I made about him. My heart rate ticks up. This cocky soldier looks like so much more than a complication from where I’m standing now.
"Thank you," I say quietly. "For telling me."
"I want you to know me." He turns to face me fully. "The real me. Not just the guy who hit on you in a bar."
"That guy was pretty charming."
"That guy was terrified." He laughs, soft and self-deprecating. "You looked at me across that room, and I forgot how to breathe. You scare the hell out of me."
My heart is pounding and I shake my head. "Yeah right, why?"
"Because I've never wanted anything the way I want you."
I swallow hard. The words hang between us like a live wire. I look up at him and all the reasons I have for walking away evaporate. But Blaze doesn’t push me. Instead he takes a step away and gestures for me to keep walking up the trail.
"Your turn. Where'd you come from? Why nursing? Why the military base?"
"Not super interesting, I’m afraid. I grew up in Nevada," I start. "Small town outside Reno. My dad left when I was four, so it was just me, my mom, and my little sister Vivi."
"The bartender?"
"You remember."
"I remember everything about that night."
Heat creeps up my neck. I push forward.
"My mom was... troubled. Depression. Anxiety.
Self-medicated with alcohol." The words come out flat and practiced.
I've told this story so many times before to therapists, to social workers, and to Vivi when she was old enough to understand.
"By the time I was ten, I was basically running the household.
Cooking, cleaning, making sure Vivi got to school on time.
Making sure Mom didn't drink herself to death. "
Blaze is quiet.
I continue, "Never got to be reckless or wild or stupid.
Someone had to be the responsible one, and that someone was me.
It was what it was." I shrug, but my chest feels tight.
"I got through it. Got a scholarship to nursing school.
Worked my ass off to build a career, save money, make sure Vivi had opportunities I never did. "
"And your mom?"
"Died three years ago. Liver failure." I say it matter-of-factly, but the grief is still there, buried under layers of resentment and exhaustion. "I'd been taking care of her until the end. Even when she didn't deserve it. Even when I hated her for what she put us through."
Blaze stops walking and I stop too. When I look at him, there's something fierce in his eyes.
"You're incredible," he says.
He steps closer, close enough that I have to tilt my head back to meet his gaze. His hand comes up, cups my cheek. His palm is warm and rough, and I lean into it before I can stop myself.
"You don't have to carry the world alone, Serena. Not anymore."
My eyes sting. I blink back my tears and refuse to cry.
His thumb traces my cheekbone. "This sounds insane. I know, believe me I can hear it. But I’ve never been more sure of anything. I want to be the person who puts you first. If you'll let me."
If you'll let me.
Four words. That's all it takes to crack something open inside me.
"Blaze..." My voice breaks. "I don't know how to do this."
"Then we figure it out together." He pulls back just enough to look at me. "I'm not asking you to choose me over your job or your sister or your responsibilities. I'm just asking for a chance. We'll find a way around the rules."
"My supervisor is already watching me—"
"Then we'll be careful."
"Blaze." I grip his wrists, holding on like he's the only solid thing in my spinning world. "It could ruin everything.”
"Or it could be the best thing that ever happened to us." He smiles, soft and certain. "I'm willing to take that risk. Are you?"
"Yes.” And I am. I’m so tired of being careful it makes me sick.
His eyes darken.