Ember #2
“See, that. That's what I mean.” I make myself put the thread down.
“Cassidy said something today that's been eating at me.
She said I always ran to you when we were kids, and now I'm doing it again.
And she's right, Sully. Every time Kevin hurt me, I came and found you.
And now I've done it again, exactly the same thing, years later, like I learned nothing.”
“I think you’re being too hard on yourself.”
“But it’s true. I keep using you to feel better and then walking away, and you keep letting me.” I take a breath. “I’m a bitch.”
“Wait, hey, no you’re not,” he argues with me, as he reaches out and taps the empty side of his bed. “Come, sit, I think you and I need to talk,” he says calmly.
I do as he asks and walk around his bed and hop in beside him.
He's quiet for a second as he takes his glasses off, folds them, and sets them on the nightstand.
“Firstly, you are not a bitch,” he says. Debatable. “And secondly, you’re not using me. I was exactly where I wanted to be.”
“You were?”
He nods. “I’ve always liked you, Em. Always.”
Oh. His confession surprises me.
“And if I’m being honest with myself and with you, that day, which feels like a lifetime ago, when I asked you to choose me and not Kevin. I always kind of hoped one day you would.”
Oh. I did not know that.
“And then that night on the beach in Maine, you did, for a moment. And once I tasted you again, I was addicted.”
This was not at all how I thought this conversation was going to go.
“But …” he says, “I was being selfish.”
He thinks he was being selfish? I shake my head. “No, it was me. I was the selfish one. I used you for my own need, and if I’m a little honest, for revenge because I knew how much Kevin hated you.”
“Feeling was mutual.” He chuckles.
I laugh, and it breaks some of the tension.
“He would have hated you even more if he’d known you’d taken my virginity,” I tell him. “He thought he was my first.”
“He never knew, all these years?”
I shake my head. “We had just got back together, and I knew if he had known it would have been the end. Looking back, I should have told him. But I’m glad it was you and not him.”
This makes him smile. “I’m glad it was with you too.”
Wait, what?
“That we slept together?” I ask him.
He frowns. “No, that you were my first.”
“What? You were a virgin?”
“Um, yeah. I thought you knew.”
I shake my head. “No. I thought you were experienced.”
“No.”
This makes me laugh. “All these years and I had no idea.”
“Really?”
“You always had a girlfriend.”
“Yeah, but I never went all the way with them. I was kind of waiting for you,” he confesses.
“Me! You could have had anyone. You were a hockey star.”
“Yeah, but I was in love with my best friend’s sister.”
I smile, but then it quickly fades as memories swirl through my mind and silence falls between us. “Shit, I was the toxic one to you.”
“What?”
I nod as I remember all the things I did to Sully. “After we slept together, the next week, I got back with Kevin. Every single time I ran to you when Kevin fucked me over, you were there for me, and every single time I went back to him. I was an idiot.”
“We were kids, Em.”
“I know, but still …” I sigh. “That last time when you shared your feelings with me, and Cass and Trevor walked in, and you asked me to choose you. And I didn’t.”
“That stung, I’m not going to lie. But then I met puck bunnies, and here we are.” He grins.
I playfully elbow him. “I’m sorry.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for. We were young, working shit out,” he says.
“Yeah, but I should have been honest back then. Maybe it would have saved me a hell of a lot of heartache, because I would have told you I felt the same if Cass and Trevor hadn’t walked in.”
Sully stares at me, surprised.
“But then I got scared, and fucking Trevor called Kevin and told him he caught us making out, and then Kevin came back, promising the world.”
“Guess it just wasn’t our time,” he says.
He’s probably right. “I’m sorry. I hope I didn’t fuck you up.”
“What? Because breaking my heart made me build a wall around it because I never wanted to get hurt like that again,” he teases.
I know he’s joking, but I also don’t think he is. I look up into those blue eyes and burst into tears.
“Hey, don’t cry. I was joking.” He tries to reassure me, pulling me into his side.
“But you weren’t because I know I hurt you and I’m hurting you again. I’m no good for you, Connor.”
“Hey now,” he says, wiping the tears from my cheeks. “You’re not hurting me, I’m a big boy,” he says, cupping my face. “I still like you, Ember, more than I want to admit.” Oh. “But it’s okay. I’ll wait.”
“What?”
“I’ve decided I’m going to wait. I’m giving you a year from today. If you haven’t met anyone by then, you’re mine.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I’m giving you one year to be single. I don’t care how many people you date. I’ll be jealous as hell, but you need this time to heal because this time next year, I want you to give me a chance.”
I’m stunned.
“Are you okay with that?”
“Yes,” I tell him.
This makes him smile. “Good girl.” He leans forward and kisses me ever so slowly. “I’ve waited nearly twenty years to call you mine, I can wait a little while longer.”