THIRTEEN #3
By the time we all turned in that night, and I lay in bed, I genuinely couldn’t remember having such a relaxed and happy evening for a long time. I was also aware that I would miss all of them. Noah for his sweetness, Paddy for his humour and Oliver for, well, just being Oliver.
They left at half-past eight the following morning. I’d been up since six, which Grainger had noticed and commented on with the subtlety of a rhino.
‘What you doing up so early? Wet the bed?’ he said when I popped my head around his bedroom door to make sure he was okay.
‘I’m always up early,’ I said. ‘You will have to get used to that.’
‘Don’t tell me you’re one of these chirpy fuckers in the morning,’ he said.
‘Don’t worry, we can avoid each other until you’re in a better mood,’ I replied with a grin.
Oliver and Paddy were already up, and fresh coffee was waiting for me in the kitchen. Oliver was dishing up food for everyone.
‘You sure you’re going to be all right up here on your own with Grumpy?’ said Paddy as he took his plate and sat at the table. ‘It’s like leaving Snow White with one seventh of the crew.’
‘I’ll be absolutely fine,’ I replied, taking mine and Noah’s plates and joining them at the table. ‘I can be the Evil Queen when I need to be.’
‘Someone take away her poison apple,’ muttered Grainger, who had insisted on hobbling out of the room on his crutches to join us at the table that morning.
Breakfast was over far too soon. Oliver took his and Noah’s bags out to the car before coming back in.
‘Say goodbye to Grainger,’ he said to Noah.
‘Bye, Grainger.’
It wasn’t said with much enthusiasm. Noah had been quiet all morning.
‘Come here a minute,’ said Grainger. He shoved a note from his wallet into Noah’s hand. ‘Buy yourself some sweets.’
‘Thank you,’ said Noah, brightening up momentarily.
Oliver and Paddy said goodbye to Grainger, and I followed them out to the Jeep. Paddy had already explained that someone would pick it up from the airport and store it in their garage until they were next here.
Noah loitered at my side on the porch. ‘I don’t want to go,’ he said.
‘I know,’ I said. ‘But you’ve got school. And your mum.’
He considered this for a moment. ‘I’d rather stay here.’
‘Everything will still be here when you come back,’ I said, crouching down to his level.
‘Will you still be here?’ he asked.
I nodded. ‘I’m not planning on going anywhere. Besides, I’ve got Grainger to look after.’
He looked at me for a moment and then, much to my surprise, he put his arms around my neck and hugged me.
I hugged him back.
He pulled away and looked at me very seriously. ‘Promise you will still be here?’
Promise? That was a big commitment for an adult to give a child. I thought of all the things I’d been promised that hadn’t held. Each time, I’d learned not to trust a little bit more.
‘I promise,’ I said.
He nodded and then turned to Oliver, who had come up the steps of the porch.
‘Dad, Alex is going to be here when we come back. We are coming back, aren’t we?’
Oliver looked at me. ‘We’re coming back,’ he said.
‘When?’ demanded Noah.
‘Soon,’ said Oliver. ‘Now go and get in the car.’
‘Come on, Noah!’ called out Paddy.
‘Don’t forget,’ he said. ‘If anything comes up that isn’t in the dossier––’
‘I’ll call.’
‘Yes.’ He paused. ‘Make sure you do. It doesn’t have to be an emergency.’
I looked down at the snowy porch for a moment and then back up at him. The light from the porch was casting half his face in shadow, and it somehow made him look different. Softer, maybe. He looked like someone who momentarily had been going to say something and then changed their mind.
‘Thank you,’ I said. ‘For the folder. For… for everything.’
He gave the slightest of nods. Then he turned and stepped down from the porch.
‘Bye, Alex!’ called Noah, waving at me from the car.
I waved back, and Oliver shut the door.
Paddy gave me a chin lift as he got in. ‘Doc.’
‘Paddy.’
Oliver moved around the bonnet, pausing just as he reached the driver’s door. He looked over at me.
‘Alex.’
‘I know,’ I said before he could say it. ‘Anything.’
Something crossed his face. He almost said something else. Then he got in and closed the door.
I stepped off the porch and onto the drive and watched them go.
The Jeep moved slowly along the track, curving around the trees, its tyres crunching over the frozen surface.
I watched it until the bend in the track where they horseshoed around the line of trees and followed the track toward the main driveway.
I didn’t move as I watched the vehicle until it disappeared, the engine noise fading until I couldn’t hear anything.
I looked around me. Snow, trees, the loch and no one else except Grainger. I felt safe or safer than I had in a long time.
I turned back to the lodge.
The door opened as I reached the top step. Grainger filled the frame, crutch under one arm, a cup of tea in his free hand.
‘You took your time. Thought you’d gone with them.’
‘I was saying goodbye.’
‘I noticed.’ He looked past me towards the now-empty track. ‘He’s a good kid.’
‘Yes,’ I said. ‘He is.’
‘Father’s not bad either.’
He turned and made his way back inside.
I followed him inside and closed the door on the cold morning.