TWENTY-SEVEN
DO NOT DEVIATE FROM THE PLAN
Alex
It was only another day now until Oliver would be at Risk. I’d been counting down every day since last weekend and I didn’t even mind admitting that to myself. I was just really looking forward to seeing him.
The cameras were being installed at the wellness centre that morning, which was reassuring. It wasn’t just for my immediate comfort, but for everyone’s safety who used the building.
I had been up early and baked some chocolate chip cookies for Noah. While they were cooling, I headed out for a run.
Despite the still very cold temperatures, I had become more acclimatised to the weather and even looked forward to the crispness of early mornings.
There was a low mist sitting just above the water of the loch, with the faint outline of Risk Point and the mountains beyond.
There was something beautiful in the stillness of Risk Point.
I liked being up there and looking down on the estate with a sense of tranquillity, as long as I ignored the fact that Henderson was somewhere down there.
I needed the run particularly that morning. Just to think things through. Some people journaled. I ran. It gave me the space I needed to think about how I was going to handle the Henderson situation, how I was going to tell Oliver, how much longer I could hold it all together.
Twenty minutes later, I reached the first plateau of Risk Point, The Shelf. A small ledge of rock that overhung the hillside. I could have turned back then, but I felt the need to go further, to the top, to breathe in the cold fresh air and clear my head completely.
Another ten minutes and I was standing at the top of Risk Point, above The Shelf, looking out at the landscape. It was vast, majestic, and despite all the trees, hillsides and mountains, it gave a sense of space, of freedom. It was perfect.
Then, out of nowhere, I heard the snap of a branch from behind me. I spun around.
Henderson.
‘What are you doing here?’ The words were out of my mouth before I had time to stop them. I faced him and stood a little taller. I was not going to be frightened of him.
‘Good morning, Alex. Sorry, I didn’t mean to frighten you,’ he said, smiling that way I knew was anything but warm. ‘I didn’t know you were here. I was just taking some exercise before breakfast. Such a beautiful place, don’t you agree?’
I looked past him towards the track back down the hillside. ‘I’m heading back now.’
‘Before you go,’ he said, moving towards me but still blocking my exit. ‘I wanted––’
Before he could finish his sentence, he stumbled and crashed straight into me, his hands shoving into my shoulder. The momentum of the contact had me stumbling sideways. I let out a cry. I was right on the edge. His hands went to grab my arm, but he stumbled again, pushing against me a second time.
I was on the brink of falling. My arms flailed wildly as I fought for balance. It was no use. I was falling. Over the edge.
I crashed through a bank of heather. Clumps of blaeberry cushioned my impact on the slope, but not enough to stop me tumbling through a tangle of bracken.
My shoulder slammed into a granite outcrop protruding from the hillside.
The bracken slowed me further before I finally came to a halt on The Shelf.
Pain seared through my shoulder. I lay still for a moment, trying to work out what hurt and how much damage had been done.
‘Alex! Alex!’ Henderson’s voice cut through the air. ‘Jesus Christ, Alex. Can you hear me? Are you okay?’
I tried to shut him out as I continued to assess my condition.
I could move my toes, feet, and legs. I wriggled my fingers, rotated my wrists.
Pain shot through my left forearm. I tested my shoulders.
I could move both, and although my right one was painful, I was pretty sure nothing was broken. I couldn’t be so sure about my arm.
Henderson was shouting something about coming down the track to The Shelf. I lifted my hand, felt around my neck, and gingerly moved my head from left to right. Confident that I had not suffered any serious injury, I managed to get myself into a sitting position.
I looked up at the top of the hill, where I had fallen. I backtracked over the chain of events. Thank God for the ground cover and the gentle slope, and that I had somehow avoided hitting my head on any of the rocks.
How had I fallen? I hadn’t been that near the edge.
Then it all rushed at me in a nanosecond. Henderson had stumbled and fallen into me. Then, and I was absolutely sure about this, instead of pulling me away from the edge, he had pushed me.
Panic surged up inside me. Welling up in my chest. Pushing the air from my lungs. I twisted around. Where was he? He’d said something about coming down here. I had to get away from him.
I went to get up and winced in pain from my arm. I’d have to cradle it in my other hand. I had just got to my knees when Henderson burst from the path and out onto The Shelf.
‘Alex, don’t move.’ He came to a skidding halt next to me. ‘Where are you hurt?’
‘I’m okay.’ I tried to get to my feet, but his hands on my shoulders, applying gentle pressure, stopped me. I tried to shrug him off. ‘Let me get up.’
‘Let me help you,’ he said in that voice that was patronising and overly understanding, as if I was a patient he’d come to assess. ‘I need to check you over.’
‘No. Get off me.’ I almost shouted the words.
‘You’re in shock. I’m here to help you,’ he said. ‘Just like you helped me.’
I had managed to get to my feet and pulled away from him.
‘I don’t need help. Not from you.’
‘Your arm. Have you hurt your arm? Come on, Alex. Don’t be so ungrateful.’
He was standing in my way again, just like he had before he’d pushed me. I glanced back over my shoulder. If I went off The Shelf this time, there was no soft landing, no ledge to break my fall. It was a sheer drop onto granite stone. I looked back at Henderson.
He had a strange look on his face.
‘Alex,’ he said softly. ‘Let me help you. It’s not nice to keep rejecting me. I’m only trying to help you.’ He held out his hand to me. ‘Come on. Let me help you.’
I wanted to throw up as the full realisation hit me. This was what Henderson had always wanted. In his warped reality, we were bound together by life debts, him to me and now me to him, and that bond meant I belonged to him. He genuinely believed that.
I looked at his outstretched hand. Then back at the drop behind me. I knew exactly what that drop would do. I made a decision.
‘Okay,’ I said. I kept my voice steady. Grateful even. I let him think he’d won this. ‘My arm. I think I’ve hurt my arm.’
His expression shifted immediately to relief and satisfaction. Just looking at him turned my stomach. But he moved towards me carefully now, no longer blocking my exit, focused on being what he needed to be. The rescuer.
I could work with that.
I just needed to get down the hill. I put my hand in his. ‘Thank you,’ I said.
He smiled. ‘Good girl, Alex.’
The touch of his hand on mine repulsed me, and I pulled away. ‘I need to hold my arm,’ I said.
‘Let me make a sling.’
He unzipped his running jacket and draped it over my arm, slipping half of it underneath and bringing the sleeves together behind my neck.
As he fiddled around with tying the sleeves together, I slowly slid my good hand into my jacket pocket, where my phone was.
If I could somehow call Grainger, even if I didn’t say anything, I could speak out loud to Henderson and hope that Grainger understood what was going on.
I just needed to open my phone without Henderson noticing.
‘That should do it,’ said Henderson. ‘Now are you sure you can walk? I can carry you, if you want.’
I almost laughed at the idea.
‘I can walk.’ My knee was sore, but I wasn’t about to let Henderson prop me up. I’d have to walk through the pain. I kept my mind focused on getting down the hillside. Once I was there, I was safe. Or safer. ‘You go first. You can catch me if I slip.’
I had absolutely no intention of slipping or letting him catch me.
‘Oh, we can go side by side,’ he said. ‘I can help you.’ He held my upper arm, and we moved from The Shelf and back onto the trail. ‘What’s that you’ve got there? Your phone? Oh, you won’t need to call anyone, Alex. I’ll look after you. Trust me.’
I knew that when I got back to my lodge, I was going to scrub every inch of my body, not least where I’d had physical contact with Henderson. My skin felt as if an army of ants was scrambling all over me.
It took about twenty minutes to get down the hillside. Henderson made the occasional comment about how dangerous it was up there on the hillside and how I shouldn’t be up there on my own.
‘If you go out again, I want you to let me know, and I’ll come with you. I can look after you. I mean, I am here all the time, not like him. What sort of man goes off and leaves a woman here on her own?’
My stomach felt like it was curdling. I wanted to argue with him, but I knew that would only make things worse. Whatever delusional episode Henderson was living out now, I wasn’t going to break it.
Finally, we were down the hillside and walking out from the trees and along the track that cut around the wellness centre to the loch.
‘This way,’ said Henderson, guiding me towards the centre.
‘What? No. The gatehouse. I need to let Dom know what’s happened. He will have to file an accident report.’
I tried to pull away from him.
‘Don’t be difficult now, Alex. I need to examine you properly. In the examination room.’
‘No. They’re fitting the cameras today. People will be there.’
I wanted to cry. If only the cameras had been installed yesterday, then someone would have seen what was happening.
‘They won’t be here this early.’
‘It’s locked, anyway. The keys are at the gatehouse.’ I could hear the anxiety in my voice.
‘Anyone would think you don’t trust me,’ said Henderson.
‘I don’t need examining. I just want a nice, hot, sweet cup of tea.
You know, the shock and everything,’ I said.