20. Epilogue – Hadley
Epilogue – Hadley
And Beyond
“ I don’t know about this.” I hummed worriedly as Kip buckled the helmet on our son’s head.
“What could possibly go wrong, Bambina?” He asked with a sly grin and a wink. He had some grey hair starting around his temples and peppered through his beard, but he was still the most attractive man in the world. It added to his ruggedness and hot dad vibes perfectly.
“Oh, I could think of a few.” I deadpanned, rubbing my hands in front of me to fight off the chill.
“C’mon Mama, it’ll be fun!” Tyler called out, wiggling his eyebrows under the weight of his bulky snowmobile helmet. “You can ride with me!”
“Not a chance, kiddo.” Kip answered for me, “Mama is going to pop your baby sister out any day now and if she rides down this hill, she’ll pee her pants. ”
Little did he know just how soon I’d be popping her out.
I scoffed and ducked my head, rubbing my forehead. “Who says romance is dead, huh?”
Kip smirked at me and then tapped the top of Tyler’s helmet, “Let’s ride, buddy!”
I watched as Kip loaded our five-year-old son up onto a saucer sled and pushed him to the edge of the hill in front of us. Kip had been sledding at the same hill since he was Tyler’s age, but it didn’t make my heart beat any slower as my baby sat on the edge of the damn cliff.
Winter sports were fucking weird.
“Hang on tight, Ty!” I yelled and then covered my mouth to keep from screaming as Ty slid off the edge and down the steep, icy hill with his own screams of excitement.
He was going way too fast for my liking, but Kip was right behind him on the snowmobile to pull him back up the steep slope. I shook my head, finally taking a deep breath as my boy came to a stop at the bottom and got off, jumping in the air excitedly.
“Ma-Ma-Ma-Ma.”
I turned and my sweet, almost two-year-old son, Dylan, tottered his way toward me through the snow. He looked like an abominable snowman all wrapped up in his winter gear, but I wasn’t going to risk him getting frostbite on his tiny toes or fingers as we watched Dad and big brother Ty sledding. Mike and Darla followed close behind Dylan, on their way back with coffee and hot cocoa from the food truck parked in the parking lot.
Like I said, winter sports were weird.
And Utah took their winter sports seriously.
Hence the food truck.
“Hi, baby.” I scooped Dylan up and placed him on my hip. Trying not to get emotional about how it may be one of the last times, I picked him up as my youngest little baby. I fought back the normal emotions and pointed down to where Kip had started towing Tyler and a few other kids back up the hill. “You see Daddy?”
“Da-Da-Da.” Dylan cheered excitedly for his daddy and brother to return to the top.
“Here you go, dear.” Darla handed me a steaming cup of coffee. “It’s decaf because I know you’re still watching your caffeine intake until little miss gets here.”
“God, what I wouldn’t give for an espresso.” I joked, taking a sip of the coffee, “Thank you, you’re too good to me. ”
“And you’re an angel for bringing the boys out today, so close to your due date,” Mike added.
I grinned guiltily, “I figured I’d let them have some fun before we locked ourselves away for a few months.” I joked, but they all knew that’s exactly what we’d do. It was getting to the brutal part of winter where the temperatures were so low at night it hardly even snowed and I was more than ready to hide away at the cabin until spring.
Winter was hard for me. For whatever reason, my body reacted instinctively to the cold and snow, like I had to fight to survive again. It was the biggest scar I had from my kidnapping, and it was one that no one really understood outside of our home, not even my therapist.
My body just couldn’t forget how close to dying it had come at the hands of cold Mother Nature I guess, and I wasn’t too keen on fighting the inclination to hide away where it was warm for a few months with my cute little family.
Add in the fact that I’d been in silent labor for a few hours already, I was ready to disappear for a while and just soak in the big change coming .
Never mind the fact that the eight-year anniversary of my kidnapping was in a few days too. It was just too much weight on my shoulders to carry all at the same time.
“Do you have any last-minute things you need for the home birth?” Darla asked, eager for another baby to snuggle in her retirement. She would be at the birth, given that she was a retired midwife of many years, but she liked to leave as much prepping as I wanted to us and then would show up with her Mary Poppins purse of goodies and make sure everything went smoothly. She helped deliver both of my boys at home, so I knew I was in excellent hands.
“No, actually, we’re all set. Kip has been in go mode for a week or two, so he has already set up and prepped everything, and it’s ready to go.”
“I just absolutely love seeing this side of him, it never gets old.” She smiled warmly at the notion of Kip being sweet and doting.
Mike snorted, “Don’t tell him that, he’ll have to go split some wood or something to feel manly again.”
She swatted her husband lovingly and said something to him, but I missed it as another contraction came, stronger than the others, and I turned away so they wouldn’t see me grimace.
Unfortunately, I turned right into Kip as he walked back over to us, carrying Tyler upside down under his arm like a football.
“Hadley?” He put Ty on his feet and cupped my face as I frowned through the pain. “What is it?”
I shook my head, dipping my head and leaning on him as I fought through the pain, and he instantly took over. He held me up and started moving the people and pieces of our life into motion before I even caught my breath to tell him the whole story.
“How long have they been coming?” He asked when I finally took a deep breath and picked my head back up.
“A while.” Shyly, I admitted and grimaced as I saw the dark look on his face. I had never hidden labor pains from him before, and he didn’t seem impressed with my actions. “I wanted you boys to have today. Before I force everyone to hide because of my own weaknesses.”
“Baby,” He growled, running his thumbs over my cold cheeks as he stared into my eyes. “Your desire to stay safe and sound in our own world isn’t a weakness. It’s a coping mechanism and I don’t hold that against you, I never have. ”
“But the kids,” I sighed, “Ty wants to go, go, go all the time and—”
But he cut me off, “And he will be just fine, loving on our sweet girls and taking care of you both for a few months.” He leaned in and kissed me, as everyone went on around us with their daily lives in a way I envied. “Had, I am aware of the significance of this week, even if you don’t want to talk about it. It marks eight years.”
“I just don’t want you to regret it someday. Regret me if I can’t get over it.” I hated saying my biggest fears out loud, but I needed to say it in case he really wanted an out.
“For better or worse, darling.” He kissed me again and took a deep breath, making me mirror it. “And besides, I was the grumpy recluse when you found me all those years ago, anyway. I fucking love the peace and quiet.”
“Da-Da-Da-DA!” Dylan cried out, and I chuckled, knowing peace and quiet weren’t in our cards for many years.
I opened my mouth to concede and at least table the discussion for a while when another contraction started, breaking my concentration and making me hum quietly to cope .
“Jesus, honey.” He groaned, putting his arms around my waist and gripping my hips in a tight counter-pressure move that relieved the ache. He mastered it during Tyler’s labor, and I would have been lost without his support each time.
“That’s three minutes apart, Hadley.” Darla chimed in, “Mike, take the kids to dinner and then get them a big ice cream cone from Charlie’s. My guess is we’ll have a baby in a few hours.”
“Let’s go, give Mama a kiss and hug and tell her what a rockstar she is,” Kip said, pulling back as my contraction lessened so Tyler and Dylan could get some love before they ran off with Mike, excited for a dude date and ice cream.
And then Kip picked me up in a bridal carry and got us to the parking lot in record time. When we were almost back home, he reached across the console to take my hand and squeezed it. “Can you believe we’re about to have another perfect little baby to love?”
I smiled across the truck to him and tried to let his unmatched happiness calm the anxiety and nerves building inside of me as the contractions got worse and worse. “There’s no other way I’d want to live this life, Kip.” He parked the truck and leaned over the console to kiss me, “Thank you for finding me all those years ago.”
“Thank you for loving me when I gave you no reason to at all.”
Three hours later I laid in bed, nursing our beautiful tiny little baby girl as Kip laid next to me, watching her suckle and explore her new world.
“I can’t believe we have a daughter,” He whispered, putting his finger against her little hand and smiling when she instantly gripped it. “Daisy would have loved to have a sister.”
He often talked about Daisy and Dalton, and even Molly, and it never once felt like he was comparing or second guessing his decisions with me and our family. They were a part of his life and, by extension, a part of our family. Their room was still pink and blue, but we turned it into a toy room for their siblings, keeping their toys and belongings as part of our everyday lives. Their pictures were no longer in boxes, hidden away or locked in grief, they were hung on the walls next to their siblings and we often explained who they were to Tyler when he asked questions.
Three years ago, before I agreed to bear any more of Kip’s giant babies, he built a massive addition onto the cabin to accommodate our growing family without losing the space we loved and cherished from his first family.
Our house was a home full of love, laughter, and memories, and it gained another family member that day.
The boys stayed at Mike and Darla’s even though I was done laboring early enough for them to come home and meet their baby sister. According to Mike, the sugar high wore off about the time the movie credits rolled for Toy Story and he didn’t have the heart to wake them up to bring them home.
Sleepovers were normal for them at Mike and Darla’s house, and it warmed my heart knowing my kids had a village of people around them to love them and care for them in ways I never did.
So after my shortest labor yet, in a house devoid of roaring T-Rex characters or singing Mickey Mouse stuffed animals, I basked in the silence and ease with two of my favorite people in the world.
“We have to name her,” Kip stated quietly, laying his cheek on my shoulder and nuzzling me. “What do you think about Emma? That one was on the list; do you think it fits?”
“I do, but I think I have one that fits better.” I looked away from our beautiful daughter’s face to gaze at the man who saved my life in more ways than one. “What do you think about Molly?”
Kip froze and stared back at me as my words processed through his head, “Molly?” He whispered. “Why would you want to name her that?”
He wasn’t angry, but I knew my man felt like he was walking on a billion eggshells as he waited for some sort of sign of why I’d recommend naming our daughter after his late wife.
When we first got together and even after we were married, he offered to have her name removed from his tattoos, so that I didn’t feel like I was in competition with someone else. A part of him felt guilty, loving two women at once. But I never felt like I had less of him because of it .
So, I refused, strongly, reassuring him I didn’t feel lacking to her like I did in the beginning. I knew he loved me. I knew he cherished our life and our family the same way he did theirs, and I knew his position was impossible to be in, so I wouldn’t make it harder for him.
I never wanted him to feel like he was living two lives. It was why I had integrated Daisy and Dalton so deeply into our family and life, I just didn’t know how to integrate Molly as well.
Until looking into our daughter’s beautiful eyes for the first time.
“You’ve always spoken of Molly’s strength and independence. Of how she was a steady wife and mother, holding down her own fort when you were gone and needing no one else.” I ran my fingers over his dark beard and smiled at him, “That’s exactly the kind of woman I hope our daughter becomes someday. I want her to be resilient and unique in her own way, so she never has to rely on others. I want her to be incredible. And from all the stories you’ve told, that’s exactly who I imagine Molly as. So I think our baby’s name should be Molly, to honor your first wife and the mother of our children’s siblings. They were the family that taught you how to love and nurture, and today, our children are benefiting from your incredible nature.”
“Hadley.” He sighed, closing his eyes and resting his forehead against mine as he trembled with emotion. “Our daughter will be strong and resilient because of who her mother is. You’re the bravest woman I’ve ever met, and you’re also the most loving, kindhearted, and gentle mother. And I love you so fucking much. I don’t deserve your brand of love, Hadley Catherine Montgomery. But I hope that someday you understand just how loved you are in return.”
Our daughter, Molly, cooed in my arms, drawing our attention back down to her as she stretched and fussed.
“I do, Kip.” I kissed her soft forehead and then turned to him for a kiss. “I love you too.”
The End .