Chapter Ten
D ebs spotted Sienna as soon as she walked into the restaurant, hurriedly weaving through the tables to reach her. She was already ten minutes late, thanks to Joel Marshall. Another meeting where Jenkins hadn’t shown had set her off on a bad footing, her words clearly not getting through to him or even being delivered—Debs wasn’t certain which. Despite her attempts at setting expectations the first time they had met, Joel had once again walked in far too casual and blasé for her liking, this time surprising her by asking if she and James were still together. For someone she barely remembered, he seemed to remember a lot about her and her life back then.
She shook it off, telling herself that she had met with and crossed paths with hundreds of people in her lifetime.
The fact that she could only recall a vague memory of who Joel Marshall was from the recesses of her mind was not unusual, but she made a note to ask James about him next time she saw him. It didn’t matter now. Not when she was edging closer to Sienna, noting how she was dressed not in her uniform but in a loose, oversized white striped shirt, her hair pulled up off her face into a messy yet perfectly styled bun.
“Hey.” Sienna startled as she greeted her from behind her, quickly reaching out and squeezing her shoulder to reassure her as she walked by. “Sorry I’m late.”
“Oh, it’s fine.”
“No, it's not. I hate being late. But the guy I had my last meeting with just wasn’t for leaving.”
“I would have ordered you a drink, but I didn’t know what you wanted,” Sienna said as Debs sat opposite her, the server following.
“That’s fine. I'll have an Americano with an extra shot,” she continued, directing her order to the server who had just appeared before locking her focus on Sienna again. “How are you? What’s that grin for?” Debs asked, noticing the mischievous glint in Sienna’s eyes.
“My friend Max said you can tell a lot by someone’s coffee order.”
Debs shifted forward, leaning over the table closer to Sienna. “Oh really? And what does my coffee order tell you?”
“They would probably say something like the Americano means no-nonsense, and the extra shot means it’s been a long day. But really, they’d just be pleased you hadn’t ordered a latte.”
“Oh, God.” Debs screwed her face up. “Never order me a latte. I honestly don’t see the point of having a coffee with such a small proportion of coffee in it. If you want hot milk, that’s fine; just don’t try to pass it off as coffee.”
“Oh, they would love you for that answer.”
“Yeah? I think I love them already. Good taste in coffee and people by the sounds of things.” Debs noticed the blush the compliment caused as it spread across Sienna’s cheeks, marvelling at the way it lit up her face. “So, how are you?”
“Good! Actually, I have some news.”
“You do?” Debs noted the way Sienna’s face lit up, the sparkle in those deep chocolate eyes. Something was different about her today, and she didn’t know what it was, but whatever the cause, Debs wanted more of it for her. Sienna leaned down, pulling something out of her bag. Debs took the folded piece of paper, glancing up at Sienna with a puzzled expression.
“What’s this?”
“Read it and see.”
Debs unfolded the paper, eyes scanning over it. Her heart almost skipped a beat with excitement as she took in the words in front of her.
“You were accepted?” she said, looking up to see those eyes blinking back the emotion.
“Yeah.”
“Oh, I’m so happy for you! This is amazing! Congratulations.”
Debs fought the urge to push away from the table and wrap Sienna up in an embrace. While her whole body seemed to scream to do it, she didn’t know Sienna well enough to ambush her like that. Instead, she settled for leaning over the table, sating her need for contact as she squeezed Sienna’s hand.
“Thank you. I still can’t really believe it. I mean, I have no idea how it’s going to work with the centre and everything but—”
“You’re feeling ten times lighter now you know?”
“God, yes. Although Max was telling me I should just enjoy not having to think about it for a bit instead of panicking about it.”
“Then that’s another reason I love them. They’re absolutely right.”
“I know, and I’m trying but—”
“You’re a natural worrier? Colour me shocked.”
“Hey!” Sienna looked mildly affronted before beaming. “I expect it from them, but not you!”
“How long have you been friends? They sound like they know you very well,” Debs asked, taking a sip of the coffee in front of her.
“Max? We probably met around six years ago. We dated for a while, but it became very clear very early on that we weren’t ever meant to be together like that. Instead, they became my voice of reason, as they so often like to remind me.”
“We all need a friend like that. At least you figured it out you were better as friends early on and not after ten years of marriage.” Debs caught her words, realising that sounded far harsher than she had intended. “That’s unfair. James is my friend, but our marriage wasn’t an unhappy one. Far from it.”
“What happened?”
Debs found she didn’t mind the softness to Sienna’s tone as she asked, not laced with the usual pity or sympathy which came with the question.
“It just kind of fizzled out. We became friends rather than anything else and let ourselves stay that way for too long before either of us was brave enough to admit it. And even then, it wasn’t me who said it; it was him. I’m not angry, it was the right decision, it’s just sometimes…” Debs stopped herself, wondering when this had become a conversation about her sorry excuse for a life. “Sorry, you don’t want to hear about all this.”
“No.” Sienna leaned forward, placing a hand over Debs’, her deep brown eyes unfathomably patient. “No, it’s okay. I mean, if you want to talk about it, you can. You’ve listened to me enough that you can talk about it if you want.”
“It’s not like I’ve not talked about it. Mica hears me complain all the time.”
“But sometimes it’s good to speak to someone else. Someone who doesn't know the details.”
Debs found herself opening her mouth, words spilling out at the thought of speaking to someone who wasn’t tainted by knowing her so intimately, encouraged by those deep, gentle eyes and soft voice.
“I was young when James and I got together. I was barely out of university, and we’d only just started dating when I found out I was pregnant. And it’s not like we rushed into anything, but some days I feel…I feel like it was such a big part of my life, and now I don’t know what to do with the rest of it.”
“That’s understandable. I think anyone would feel like that to some degree after a break-up.”
“I know. I always prided myself on being able to compartmentalise everything, you know? Making sure there’s time for everything. I never wanted my kids or James to feel like the business was taking over their time, and I only wanted the business to succeed for them. And now there’s this whole compartment with nothing in it, and I don’t know what to fill it with.” Debs snorted. “I found myself talking to myself the other night. In the bath, just having a whole conversation. Which ended with me considering getting a cat.”
“A-a cat?” Sienna asked, but her voice was strained, like something else had been in her head, something bothering her. Debs didn’t know what it could be, and the moment was over so quickly that she wondered if she had imagined it.
“Yeah. For some company in the evenings. Even when the kids are there, they’re getting older now; they don’t want to always be with me. Plus, I think it would be good for them. Give Charlie especially some responsibility.” Debs scoffed. “He’s still angry with me that his dad moved out.”
“Even though it was amicable and a while ago?”
“Charlie was always close to James. And James was the one who offered to find somewhere else to live. But for Charlie, he just saw the fact that his dad was gone and I was still there and it was unfair.”
“He’ll come around. And a cat could be a good idea.”
“You think?”
“I mean, yeah. It would give you two a common focus and, like you said, teach him some responsibility. He’s, what, nearly eleven? This time is rough for any kid. He’s going to be moving school soon, becoming a little fish in a huge pond. His friends will change, and he’s having to adjust to a new home life as well. Sometimes they need that thing to focus their attention on, something to care for, that they feel is a little their own and will be a constant. A pet is a good choice.”
Debs sat back in her chair, smiling at Sienna. “You see, this is why you’re good at what you do.”
“Although if you think the cat is going to give you answers when you’re talking to it, you might be a little disappointed.”
Debs threw her head back and laughed. “Funny as well.”
“I have my moments. But you’re doing great. Charlie and Thea are lucky to have two great parents who obviously wanted the best for them, even though that wasn’t necessarily the easiest path to take. And Charlie may be finding the transition a little difficult right now, but that’ll change. Not everyone’s lucky enough to have parents who see that.”
Debs noticed the way Sienna’s voice dropped, something sad and melancholy lacing those last few words, as if there was a hidden story within them. By instinct, her gaze drifted to Sienna’s hands. As if on cue, her fingernail was picking at that same piece of skin she always did whenever something was troubling her.
“Why do I get the feeling that that isn’t something you know from experience at the centre?”
“Oh, it’s nothing—”
“No.” Debs cut her off. “I know we don’t really know each other that well, Sienna. But what I do know is that you’re kind and good-hearted and clever and going to do amazing things. I can’t help but be intrigued by you. There’s something… It feels like I want to get to know you better, to understand you, find out what it is that makes you so unsure of yourself when you have some many people around you telling you that you’re worth something. And I know you have Max, and maybe it’s a bit selfish of me, but I want to know you, too. I want you to feel like I’m someone you can talk to.”
Debs hadn’t meant for that to sound so pleading, like she was trying to convince Sienna that there was something more there, but she also couldn’t bear to keep watching the brilliant woman in front of her pull away and hide back into the shell which she had surrounded herself with once again. Not when she was so desperate to quell all those fears that so openly plagued her. She swallowed thickly, wondering if she had said too much, pushed too hard too soon, as she watched those impossibly dark eyes glisten with barely restrained tears.
Acting once again on the instinct to just comfort the woman in front of her, Debs pushed back from her seat, sweeping around the table to sit beside Sienna. She tucked the hair that had curtained her face to one side, imploring Sienna to see that she was here, patiently waiting whenever she was ready to speak.
“Sienna?” she whispered, squeezing her hand in a way she hoped would come across as reassuring.
“My parents…”
“You don’t get on with them?” Debs asked, seeing how difficult it was for Sienna to formulate what she was trying to say. She wondered when she had last spoken about it, how fresh and raw it was for it to be this difficult.
Sienna shook her head. “I never really lived up to their expectations. Not compared to Cerys.”
“Cerys?”
“My sister. Cerys was always the brainy one in the family. The popular one, the one who had friends, joined clubs, did well in her studies. And I was just…none of those things.”
“Everyone has their own strengths. To say you’re not any of those things as well would be untrue.”
“Maybe. But I felt like I was just so much more work for my parents. My mum, especially. She and Cerys were so alike, and I don’t think she really knew what to do with me.”
Debs pushed down the frustration at Sienna's unspoken words. She was lucky in some respects; Charlie and Thea were so different, but that made the line between how to treat them and show interest in their interests so clear. It hadn’t always been easy, balancing everything, but she liked to think that she split her attention and time as best as she could so neither of them felt left out. She couldn’t imagine favouring one of them just because she didn’t have the same likes or passions.
“When we were in school, it was easy for Cerys to get the grades. It felt like I had to work twice as hard to get anywhere near what I needed. And it really wasn’t that I wanted to be as good as her, not really. We were different people. I guess I just wanted my mum to see that. Apparently, dropping out of uni after six months was not the way to do that.”
“Why did you drop out?”
“I…I just wasn’t enjoying it. It wasn’t the right decision for me at the time.”
“And your mum didn’t agree?”
“Mum doesn’t agree with a lot of things I’ve done. As far as she was concerned, I just needed to try harder. It was always what she would say when I was a kid. ‘Just try harder.’ She didn’t understand it was the right decision for me. I still don’t think she does. I’m just a disappointment to her.”
“Sienna…”
“It is what it is, Debs,” Sienna said with a resigned shrug, wiping at her eyes. “Please, can we talk about something else?”
“Of course,” Debs said, recognising just how much it had taken Sienna to let her see such a small glimmer of who she was. “But Sienna, please let me say this. You shouldn’t ever feel the need to apologise—to me or anyone else—for who you are or your choices. Thank you for telling me, for trusting me. I know it wasn’t easy for you.”
Debs saw another wave of tears well in Sienna’s eyes, the emotion as being given some form of validation overwhelming her.
“You asked to meet me to talk about the auction, and all I’ve done is cry.”
“Doesn’t matter. We’ve got plenty of time for that.” Debs really wasn’t in the mood to talk about the logistics of organising the auction, not when Sienna was still so raw and vulnerable next to her. And yet, that would mean they had nothing they needed to talk about, the possibility of them parting ever-present. Debs found she didn’t want to leave, didn’t want Sienna to go, especially after such a heartbreaking conversation. She wanted to keep her close, do something, anything, to put that beautiful smile that brightened Debs’ day back on her face.
“Fancy grabbing a glass of wine and helping me find a kitten?”