Chapter Sixteen
D ebs slipped into the office, shutting the door behind her and leaning back against it.
“I need to talk to you.”
Grace looked up from her desk, smiling at Debs. “Okay, what’s up?”
“Are you…a lesbian?”
Grace gave her a blank look. “I’m…engaged to your best friend.”
“Yeah, I know. What I mean is, before that, you were married to a man. And you were with him for a long time. But I also know that you and Mic had this thing between you when you were younger, so I was just wondering.”
“Oh. I mean, I guess I never really thought about it like that. When we were in uni, there was only Mic and Nate, and then I married Nate, so I really didn’t think about it then. And Mica is just Mica.” Grace shrugged. “I guess I’ve never put a label on myself in that respect because I never had to.”
Debs started pacing the office. “Okay, that kind of makes sense. But you knew you loved Mica years ago, right? I mean, do you think it’s possible to find yourself attracted to a—to someone who you never thought you’d find yourself attracted to before?”
“Debs?”
“Yeah,” Debs answered, still pacing.
“Is this about Sienna?”
Debs nearly fell over, stumbling over her feet at Grace’s mention of her name. “How…I mean, how did you know?”
“Mic thought they saw something a couple of months ago when you first met. I wasn’t convinced, but then I hadn’t seen you two together quite as much as Mica has. However then you started spending a lot of time together and speaking about her, and Saturday night, you two were very…”
“Yes?” Debs said sharply, irritated that Mica seemed to have worked it out before, and told Grace.
“Close. You want to talk about it?”
Debs paused, wondering if she could talk about it. But then she had sought Grace out for a reason. It had taken her all of Sunday worrying about things before she realised that she was lucky enough to have someone in her life she could talk to about this who could potentially understand what she was thinking and feeling. Because the truth was, kissing Sienna had been one of the most exhilarating and affirming moments of her life. She knew that she had months of marriage and divorce where she had barely had any real, loving, passionate contact, no excitement to speak about, but she also knew that the kiss she shared with Sienna, the way she felt about her, and the way she made Debs feel was more than just a longing for some physical intimacy. Kissing Sienna made her feel as though the missing piece of the puzzle, which had been lost for so long, had finally been slotted back into place. Even before that, just being in Sienna’s company, surrounded by her and everything she was, had soothed Debs and given her back something that she had, just months ago, been craving and longing for.
She wandered over to beside Grace, leaning back on her desk. “I kissed her. Saturday night. I kissed her.”
“Okay. And how did it feel? I mean, for you, how did it make you feel?”
Debs couldn’t help the smile that spread across her face at the memory. “It was amazing. It was…after the divorce, I really didn’t want anything. I was lonely, yes, but I didn’t want another relationship just to fill that void in my life. But then I met her, and it was like everything changed. She intrigued me, and I knew that I wanted to know her better, wanted to spend time with her.”
“That’s good. That feeling like you’ve met someone who you want in your life. That’s good.”
“I know. And I already knew she must be kind and generous, but it’s huge, this well of love and compassion she has. And she’s intelligent and funny with it. She makes me laugh all the time. But she’s also shy and unsure of herself, and I just want to find out why and to reassure her all the time that she’s this wonderful person, and it makes me so fucking furious when I think that her family has made her think otherwise.”
“Her family?”
“It’s…it’s her story to tell. And I don’t know all of it yet.”
Something about the way Sienna spoke about her mother, about the things she didn’t say about her, made her think that there was something much more deep-rooted and long-lasting than just a simple disappointment when she had dropped out of university. It was eight years ago; no one would hold that over someone still, not after all this time. But something had eroded at Sienna’s soul, and more than wanting to know what it was, Debs wanted to help build it back up again.
“But she’s told you something? That’s a big thing, Debs.”
“I know.”
“So what’s the problem? Are you wanting to put a label on this? On you?”
“No. Yes. I don’t know! Am I freaking out because I’ve got these feelings for a woman when I’ve only ever had them for men before? No. No, not at all. Because I know that everything I find attractive in her are the same things I would find attractive in anyone.”
“Doesn’t harm that she’s attractive in lots of other ways as well,” Grace said with a sly smile.
“No, it doesn’t. I’m not going to deny it, Grace. She’s stunning. But I also know that the rest of the world doesn’t like it.”
“Doesn’t like what?”
“Not having labels. Or little boxes they can put people into.”
“And since when has Debs Brannigan ever cared about what the rest of the world thinks? Are you afraid you’re jumping into something too quickly after the divorce? Because that would be a valid fear, even if you weren’t looking for a relationship.”
“No, I don’t think that’s it either. Like you said, I wasn’t looking for anything. I didn’t want or need a relationship.”
“So what are you afraid of?”
Debs thought of the question which Grace had just posed to her. Afraid wasn’t ever a word people would usually associate with Debs. To the outside world, she was fearless and determined, maybe even a little cold and ruthless at times, but the fact of the matter was that it was a judgement made by people who only knew the businesswoman. To those who knew her outside of her office and her company, she was someone who loved dearly and fiercely, someone who had built her family around her and would do anything to protect them. In recent months, she had unknowingly encased Sienna and brought her into that circle, into her heart, wanting to protect and care for her just as much as anyone else. If she was scared of anything, it wasn’t taking the chance, but more that Sienna wouldn’t want to. That was something that could only be decided and determined by speaking to Sienna. But she could honestly say if they had that conversation and Sienna gave them a chance to see where this could go, if there was anything between them that they could truly build upon, she would do it with everything she had.
“Nothing,” Debs said quietly. “I don’t think I’m afraid of anything. I think I just needed to say it out loud.”
“Good. Because, for what it’s worth, you two looked really good together on Saturday night. I think you could be great for each other.”
Debs nodded, the smile still never leaving her face. “How do I show her that? I’ve tried to speak to her. I texted her yesterday, and she answered, but…I don’t know. She seemed distant? Uncertain, maybe?”
“You said she’s been like this before? Unsure of herself?
“Yeah. Like a lot. I think there’s some past trauma there. I know there is, which makes her doubt herself so much. And I hate seeing that. I hate seeing her just beat herself up constantly.” Debs picked at a chip in her nail polish, still on from Saturday night. She wasn’t afraid to be vulnerable; she had come here specifically to speak to Grace about this and had already admitted how much she liked Sienna, how much she wanted to be with her. What she was really afraid of, she realised in the moment, was that she might not be enough for Sienna. That actually, Sienna would run, be taken over by her insecurities, and Debs wouldn’t be able to reassure her.
“So…what did you do before? How did you show her she was worth something? You’re a smart woman, one who’s always seen the best in people and encouraged that. You’re good at reading people. What do you think she needs? How can you make her smile?” Grace leaned forward, placing her hand on top of Debs’. “That’s all romance is, Debs. The things Mica does that mean the most are the little things. It’s not all grand gestures. The best thing Mica has ever done was that morning after our first kiss, when they showed up at my door with flowers. For most, it would have meant nothing—a sweet gesture. But for me…Mica knew that it was something I never had much of before. And it meant the world.”
Debs laughed, startling Grace. “You know, Mic was so panicked after dropping off those flowers. They’d got in their head so much, worried about whether your date was actually a date. Where to go, what to do. They were a mess.”
“Yeah, they’d said you’d had a hand in the date. They called your choice of restaurant ostentatious .”
“Well, maybe it was. Like I said, I don’t know how to do this. Fuck only knows why they thought I’d be any good at planning a date.”
“But you know what you need to do for Sienna, right?”
Debs grinned. “I have an idea.”
Debs marvelled at the almost-jungle she walked into. Plant Queeries was easy to find; a quick Google search of the address on the invoice from the auction pointed her to the right shop, but the large Pride flag that hung outside confirmed she’d found the right place. The scent of earth and compost, mixed with delicate floral tones, wafted through as soon as she stepped foot over the threshold. She was amazed by the variety of plant life surrounding her, feeling like she’d stepped through into a horticultural Narnia. Her fingers itched to trace over the petals and leaves that surrounded her, but she hesitated, instead hovering over them, afraid about what she was touching and damaging some of the fragile-looking blooms.
“Good afternoon. How can I help… Oh. It’s you!”
The sound of Max arriving startled her, and she spun on her heel, smiling at them. They looked entirely different from the person she had met on Saturday night; the sharp suit had been replaced with overalls that hung around their waist, a black vest exposing their bare tattooed arms which were speckled with dirt, their curly black hair now held back off their face by a colourful bandana tied in a knot at the front.
“Hi, Max.”
“Hi. Is this just a fortuitous coincidence or…”
“No. My assistant had your address from the invoices you sent us.”
“Okay. I mean, I hope everything was alright on Saturday. I’m not sure there’s anything I can do now—”
“Oh no. Everything was amazing. The arrangements were beautiful—perfect, thank you. In fact, I passed your details on to a couple of business associates who were there on Saturday. I think they might want to use you for some of their events.”
“Oh wow. Well, thank you. I’m glad you were happy. But if that’s not why you’re here…” Max petered off, not finishing their question, but instead giving Debs a knowing look, asking it silently. Debs liked Max more and more with each passing interaction.
Debs smiled. “I was wondering if you could help me. I want to buy Sienna some flowers. And I don’t want to just get anything generic; I want them to be special to her.”
“Mmhmm. Why?”
“You’re not going to make this easy for me, are you?” Debs asked, stepping forward and placing her hands on the counter that separated them and leaning forward, adopting her power pose. It was a stance which, on occasion, had made grown men crumble. Max, it seemed, was somewhat harder to crack.
They quirked a brow. “Should I?”
“Fuck, no. I’d be worried if you did. You’re protective of Sienna, and I like that.”
“I am.”
“You used to date each other?” Debs asked, narrowing her eyes at Max. It really wasn’t a question, Sienna had told her they did, but she was curious about Sienna, and in turn, Max, and their friendship. It wasn’t that she was jealous, but she liked to know about people, to figure out their intentions. Usually, she didn’t need to do it outside of the office, but the opportunity was presenting itself. And since Max seemed determined to play with her, she was more than willing to play back.
“Yeah, we did. Is that going to be a problem?”
“No. I’m not a jealous person, and I can only assume that if you’re still friends—and close friends at that—there would be no reason to be jealous.”
Max laughed. “Not everyone would see it that way.”
“I’m not everyone. I’m a firm believer that certain people come into our lives and are meant to stay. No matter how that happens.”
“Like your ex-husband?”
Debs smirked. Max really wasn’t messing when it came to Sienna. “Yes.”
“So, you’re bisexual?”
“I’m…I don’t know, is the honest answer. Have I ever dated a woman before? No. But my mother taught me that it didn’t matter, that what you found attractive were the qualities of a person.”
“And what’s that in Sienna?”
Debs straightened, cocking a hip. She leaned against the counter, crossing her arms, deciding that she’d given enough of the no-nonsense businesswoman persona to Max. “You’re very protective of her,” she stated again.
Max sighed, deflating a little at seeing Debs relaxing her own stance. “I love her. And I don’t mean in some kind of unrequited, secret, hidden way. I mean, I met her when she was at one of the most vulnerable and low points in her life. She’s one of the kindest, most generous, loving people I’ve ever met, and she doesn’t see that. I just don’t want her to get her heart broken.”
“What you’ve just said about her, about being loving and kind, those are the things I find attractive in her. And I can see that there’s something there, something she hasn’t told me about fully just yet, which is making her not believe in herself. And I fucking hate it, Max. It makes me fucking furious to think that someone could have possibly made her feel anything, even a fucking ounce, less than she is worth.”
Max grinned at Debs, the pain which a moment ago flickered in their eyes vanishing and being replaced with something joyful. “How much is she worth?”
“What?”
“Sienna loves flowers. But she loves plants even more. Something that’s not going to wilt and dry up in a week. She loves plants because she can care for them and nurture them so they last.”
“So what’s her favourite plant?”
“Over here.” Max walked out from behind the counter, leading Debs to a corner of the shop which was next to the window. “She loves this but has never bought it because she always thought it was too much of an extravagance. Even though she spends a fucking fortune here and still refuses to use the discount I offer her.”
“It’s gorgeous,” Debs said in a whisper. “I’ll take it.”