Chapter 16
KENNA
J esus Christ, I’m in too deep. I’m in too deep. Ten days until the funeral.
For years I had equated attachment to weakness. Dad drilled it in my head before I could even cohesively form a sentence to refute it. Family came first, don’t grow attached to something that could compete with that. Laney knew as best as I did that loss comes easy in organised crime, I feared what would happen if I lost her.
I was naive to think I could get over her.
The thought sobered me up. Tension and grief weighed down the air on the estate, but I had to physically force the giddy smile off my face. It had been plastered across my face for almost a week, I feared I was going to get wrinkles from it.
It was only ever meant to be sex. How did we get here?
Our usual song and dance continued this week until a note appeared in my locker after another disciplinary run.
On the note was an inscription in dainty cursive letters.
Skip lunch today.; meet me by the firepit!
L xx
It made me smile again. Attachments were pressure points that could easily be exploited, but boy, was it a joy to be captured by it. This was all new to me. I only allowed myself lust without strings, but Laney had shown me that I wanted to be completely wrapped up in those strings. I couldn’t keep my eyes off her.
It was why I now wondered when she had the time to deliver this note. Laney had been sitting with her father on the small balcony when I returned from my run, so she must have written it quickly.
I’d never received such a message before, and honestly, speaking in code was a kind of foreplay in my eyes. Stuffing the note in my bra, I moved to the IT room for my final week of training— finally, a desk with a computer on it.
I could almost scream with relief. Surveillance was my favourite kind of enforcement, no good operation in the modern day was complete without it.
After the fire, my family lost all their income. We managed to retain relationship with some private drug and arms dealers but those were few and far between to conserve our identity when we went underground. Our names weren’t on any census data, no phone numbers were in our names, and we had sparse access to Wi-Fi. It’s why I never had a proper education, and it was why I was thrilled to have high tech, expensive as fuck, equipment in front of me.
But it didn’t seem others shared the same excitement as me at this prospect. There were notable gaps in attendance as Forrester Waite led the session. It confused me, until Sir Waite addressed my question.
“Some of your fellow cadets are held back for further questioning. You, too, will be called for interrogation soon, but Miss Laney has affirmed your loyalty to me as the most trusted members so far of your group. Security is of the utmost importance, especially in these trying times, no word of information discussed today will leave this room or risk condemnation in the dungeon below our feet. Walking free is not an option after this.”
I gulped and pushed my shoulders back, but I was inwardly blushing at Laney’s assessment of me. Though, I shouldn’t be surprised, I was sleeping with the boss after all.
As if I summoned her with my mind, she walked through the door in dark jeans, a ribbed camisole and a blue sport jacket. I came to learn this was her preferred loungewear for long days at the office, and my assumption was greenlit as she moved toward the direction of her office.
Our eyes met as she traversed the room. I wasn’t the only one staring, but I was the only one to receive a knowing look. I’ll see you later. Then, faded from view.
“God, the boss's daughter is hot.” One guy whispered to another.
“Almost creamed my pants at target practice each time she commanded us to shoot.” He stroked his chin suggestively.
“Yeah, like I’ll shoot a load for ya, don’t worry darling.” They chuckled, hitting each other on the shoulder.
I rolled my eyes and moulded my face into a look of pure disgust. One of the guys saw me then.
“Oh, look she agrees, you’re welcome to join us, Kk.” He winked.
I turned away. “Assholes.” Instead, I casted my mind back to the visual of Laney in disarray, spent and wanting in her chair. Where she most likely placed her delectable ass now.
“Attention!”
My mind was too preoccupied with lunch to pay full attention to the session, but I understood the gist of it. You’re in too deep. Think about your family.
When we got dismissed, I charged for the backdoor leading to the Ravencroft gardens, which a guard had told me was a memorial for Laney’s late mother. But before I could turn toward the firepit, a hand gripped my upper bicep, and I was accosted by a man in black clothing. Well, I mean, neither the black attire nor the men were exactly rare, but it still shook me.
“What the fuck are you doing?” I yelped.
In a lower voice, he spoke close to my ear. “I need to speak with you. It’s urgent. You need to leave.”
“Excuse me—” I tugged my arm out of his grip. “Who do you think you are?”
“Doesn’t matter. This is turning into a hostile takeover. You are being blinded by grandeur, but it’s not safe, K.”
I shook my head in confusion. Did he…did he know? There were more people on this mission? This man was obviously given a redacted brief. We weren’t leaving again. “I’m not leaving,” I asserted.
“The organisation here is shoddy, soon to implode. It makes staying very dangerous. I advise you to make your move and get out. That’s an order.”
I tried hard not to shout. “What order? I don’t know you!” People were already looking and causing a scene was a sure fire way of getting myself placed in the interrogation room. I needed to delay that happening as long as I could.
His features dimmed at the declaration. He seemed dismayed but also weirdly hopeless, as if I were a lost cause. If anything, I now had a good reason to stay. And that reason was waiting in the woods for me.
“You don’t understand. You will not hear the marching of soldiers, they are silent killers.” He spoke in riddles.
“I understand very well,” I said, pushing my chest up. I didn’t have time for this nonsense. Since when did Dad hire imbeciles who’d give up justice for safety? That wasn’t my family motto. We’d waited too long for this. “And,” I continued, condescending, “I can be quiet.” I spun away from him and walked toward my target, my Laney, my primary reason for staying.
Before I left, I could faintly hear his final words. “Meet me in twenty minutes. Courtyard. Tell no one.” I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t intrigued, but I didn’t break my stride toward Laney, though my mind seemed to have been left where he still stood.
My heart raced as I pushed through the garden toward the firepit, the urgency of the mysterious man's words clashing with my desire to see Laney. Duty and love were waging a war within me, each step echoing with the silent conflict. I tried to shake off the unease, focusing on Laney, my anchor in this tumultuous sea.
When I came to the clearing, she wasn’t there, the coals cold and seemingly untouched for days. Where could she be? She promised.
I looked around me, rapidly, looking for any compressed grass that could indicate whether she came earlier, or perhaps, a second note showing me the path to her. But there was nothing.
Then, a reflected light caught my eye. In the distance, a figure sat on the stoop of the backdoor with a glass of water in hand. Her caramel blonde hair unmistakable in the sunlight. I released the breath I was holding.
“This isn’t the firepit, princess.” I said cheerily as I approached. She jumped at my words and when I saw the listless look on her face, I knew immediately something was wrong. “What happened?”
Surprise replaced her sad expression, her eyes wide as if she were taking me in. “Uh–nothing.” She quickly defended, but I stayed silent. There was more. “Just, I haven’t been sleeping very well and I feel a bit unwell, dizzy. I took medication for it, but it honestly made me feel worse.”
“Is it the stress?”
“Or the grief, I don’t know. These past couple weeks have been so unsteady.”
Placing a firm hand on her back, I sat beside her and kissed her temple as she leaned into my side.
“How have you been handling it?”
She only shrugged. “I’m not sure what more I can handle.”
My thoughts strayed to the mysterious man that I spoke to. If he brought more stress to her or this operation, he’d regret it. She could sense my distraction.
“Do you think you’ll ever tell me everything?” Laney asked eventually. “You come with me to bed, we read together, we train together, but still, it feels like I don’t even know you.”
I turned around, looking anywhere but at her, not saying anything. If stress was making her ill, I would withhold my encounter with the mysterious man. Worse still, I was certain my identity would crush her. I couldn’t have that. Not yet. Not ever.
“You’re not going to answer that?” Laney said. “You can’t answer nicely; I shouldn’t have asked.”
“No, it’s fine that you asked me. You don’t know how much you mean to me, or you wouldn’t think it’s too much to ask. But I have secrets, serious ones, and I can’t share them yet, even with you. The time is coming soon when you’ll know everything. You might think I’m cruel and selfish, but love is always selfish. The more intense it is, the more selfish it becomes.”
“You don’t have to say all that, it’s okay, you have other women. I just have you. It makes sense that you feel less than me.”
The rejection burned. She didn’t know how true it was. “That’s not it.”
“You’re obviously hiding something from me.” I went to argue but she stopped me. “Look, I know this world comes with secrecy, and I try not to be paranoid. Just…I want you to stay. And it not be a lie or a strategy.”
Tears shone in her eyes as they met mine. “Please.”
“I have to go.”
“Where to?”
“I can’t—”
“Another mystery.”
“I have to go.” I’m sorry.
She laughed through a sob. “Sure, duty calls!”
But I had already left. I knew that if she had just looked up at me, her eyes coated in a sheen of tears, I wouldn’t have moved. Mentally, I said a prayer and swore to make it up to her later.
Walking back toward the courtyard, it took me a minute to locate the man again, but his boot stuck out from under the treeline. We were at the front of the house, the most surveilled part of the estate in manpower but a blind spot for cameras. Smart man.
“Who are you really?” I rounded on him from behind.
“You’re late.”
I gave him a warning look as a response. His confidence around me was unnatural and surely a fallacy. To hide what, I didn’t know. He must’ve been away from the family for quite some time if he didn’t know how to address me with the authority of being his superior. Or at least more instrumental than him. When he didn’t continue, I kicked him in the shin. Pain was a great motivator.
“I’m Dylan’s brother.” He said, clearing his throat.
I scoffed and turned to leave, muttering, “I don’t listen to a traitor’s brother.”
“Don’t be coy, you know who I am.” He said, effectively stopping me in my tracks. Another one? Gritting my teeth, I listened to his next words. “And I know why you are really here. Keep your eyes on the big man, Kk.”
“I’m fine.” I spat.
“You’re not. Wait until your family finds out you got between her legs before you got into Richard’s head.”
“How do you…”
“I work security. I have access to the eyes and ears of every inch of this estate. Including your little…escapade with the boss’s daughter. Once they realise it, they’ll put you on the night shifts. Make you wary, exhausted. Break your spirit. Break your relationship.”
“I can handle it.”
“I know, but you don’t have to.” Against my better judgement, my feet stayed planted in place.
“No.” I said as I leaned in closer to him, menacing. “I won’t. You should never have dragged me into this, confronting me as if I wouldn’t know more than you. Are you stupid? You shouldn’t even be talking to me.”
“I wasn’t going to approach you, rest assured, I didn’t want to. But they murdered him, Kenna. ” He spat my name as if it tasted like arsenic. “Have some goddamn respect.”
Exasperated, I lifted my hands in the air and motioned to walk away.
“I’ll tell them.”
“Blackmail, huh?”
“Let me have a shot at Richard and I’ll keep your secret.”
This man was delusional. His brother was just as idiotic as him standing in front of me now. All that showed me was that they deserved their fates, Tilly did not, and I wasn’t about to be sympathetic toward such men.
“Your brother got what he gave. A brutal, unnecessary death.” I turned away. “Don’t speak to me again.”
“They are going to come for her.” He said softer than I had heard of him yet. “They are going to come for her, and you can’t do nothing about it.”
“You know nothing.” I could protect what was mine. It was so fragile and new that I didn’t have the words to explain it, but Laney was a fixture in my life now. There was no getting over her now that I had her, but he’s right, her surname was an obstacle that I don’t think my family could overcome.
“And you think you know everything?” He scoffed. “You’ve been here five minutes.”
My breathing became laboured. “Yeah, and I’m much closer to the target than you.”
“Ahh,” he replied. “So, that’s your play. You get to the girl to get to her father. Forgive me for not seeing it earlier.” His shoulders relaxed and suddenly, the threatening stature of his body was replaced with the loose movements of a young lad. He cocked his head to the side as he looked at me. “I like your game, K. But I was serious before, there’s brewing discontent in the rank-and-file men. Richard Ravencroft needs to be eliminated. I want to do it.”
“You can’t. It has to be me. Blood for blood.”
“That’s not fair, he stole my blood too!”
I masked my sigh of relief with exasperation. He thinks Richard did it.
★
It was dark before I got to her room. I yawned. Guilt and hope coursed through me as I approached her room—guilt for the change of routine and hope that I could sneak in quietly. It felt nice to be anticipated. Too often I had to conform for others, but not with her. With light steps, I pushed the door open. She always kept it unlocked for me.
“Should I be hanging garlic at the door?” Laney joked, sleep thick in her voice.
My gaze darkened as I looked down at her, coming to her bedside and leaning over where she lounged. “I won’t bite too hard, I promise,” I responded, my mouth latching on the skin just below her ear. I was tired but never too tired for her. Besides, she stayed up for me.
“Hmmm,” she groaned. “Promise to suck my tits, not my blood.”
“Deal,” I whispered, kissing a line down her chest and between her tits. Her chest caving with each long exhale. “Feeling better?”
“I know something that would make me feel better.” That’s a no then. I was about to protest, but her hips rose to meet mine and any thoughts of her not being fine vanished from my mind to redirect me towards the continuing journey of exploration with my tongue.
“I’ll make you feel so good, princess.” I promised. Latching onto one of her nipples, I revelled at the deep moan she let out. My tongue swirled her hardened nipples exposed to the cool. I reached up both hands to fist and fawn at her soft tits. God, I loved touching her.
Even behind enemy lines, I knew I was in the right place at the right time.
Trailing lower down her stomach, I caught sight of some ink on her wrist. It was of the roman numerals V/V/MMI. Seemed she had secrets of her own. Without a word, I kissed the inside of her wrist and lifted her hand to thread the hair at the nape of my neck.
“Don’t be afraid to pull,” I said as I gave her a wicked grin and then, I descended on her pussy.
When we both came down from our high, the atmosphere was tense. Unanswered questions and unexplained absences were surely the only thing on her mind, and I couldn’t answer them. My heart fluttered as I stroked my fingers along the length of her hair down her back. I had never thought to stay after sex, it was purely transactional, but with her there was never an ‘after.’ There was just her and me in our own private sphere and I never wanted it to end.
Ten days.
“Don’t hurt me,” Laney whispered as she laid in my arms, staring at the ceiling. “After so long, I finally have someone and I just…please.”
She didn't say anything else, only placed her head on my chest and rested her eyes. A warmth swelled in my chest. I tempered my breaths so that I’d be her perfect pillow.
It pained me that I couldn’t guarantee her safety. In ten days, I would ruin the life she knew.