Travel No Evil （Exposition Only） #5
The purpose of this letter is to offer you an apology.
In our last interaction, you and your friend Mr B attempted to act as true gentlemen and offer apologies for acts that occurred in your presence but were neither your fault nor your responsibility.
Neither I nor my sister were willing to listen.
I suffered an attack of the vilest kind under the same roof where you resided, and my emotions were not capable of acting the lady at the time; but I had no reason to vent them on you.
Perhaps Mr B was responsible for not curbing his relations earlier, but you, sir, were quite without fault.
In my best hope, this incident left your mind many months ago, and you will find this letter a simple conclusion to a matter of no particular importance.
While that is my hope, it is not my belief.
By all I have observed, and all your cousin says, you are far too much the gentleman to be satisfied with how things ended, and perhaps at one time even felt some responsibility.
My father probably reproved you vigorously for things that were not your fault; and for that, as well as my own unladylike behaviour, I must apologise.
As you are probably aware, your cousin has recently exchanged her surname for that of Mrs R, and her previous reasonable contentment with my company for true happiness with a man who loves and esteems her as much as she returns the sentiment.
By the time you read this, the happy event will have taken place, and we will be well on our way to her new home in a western territory, ready to take up our permanent place in American society.
I doubt I will see you again, and that has been the impetus for writing this untoward letter.
I could no longer bear the thought that you might be somewhere in the world believing I think ill of you or your friend, Mr B.
With much time to think (it has been a year, after all, and it took a month to write this letter with a dozen scribes), I have reflected on the entirety of our acquaintance.
From the very first moments of our association, I almost constantly intruded upon your privacy with a complete want of regard for manners, propriety, or your feelings.
I know I dragged you through many conversations you would rather have avoided; yet you never complained, nor in any way, in word or deed, showed how much it must have disturbed or annoyed you.
In retrospect, I believe you were being the consummate gentleman, and simply treated one of your inferiors with far more kindness and civility than I warranted; for that as well, I thank you.
I imagine it must have been unbearably tedious.
On the very last day of my stay at N, two incidents of similar nature but vastly different magnitudes occurred.
The first was a remark I accidentally overheard in the breakfast room about the B sisters’ chances of marrying well.
It annoyed me considerably at the time, but further reflection has convinced me you did nothing especially wrong.
In fact, all you did was repeat nearly verbatim something I told you myself not five minutes after I accosted you at that first assembly; your comments were completely unremarkable, being simple statements of fact.
Considering the consequence of your social circles, there is little chance of my sisters marrying men of consequence, as we both well know.
I find myself unable to censure you for that statement in retrospect.
It was perhaps not the kindest thing said at the table, as that distinction belongs to Mr B; but it was not overly critical, and I should not be so missish.
The second incident was terrible indeed in every way.
It was not only the most hurtful words I have ever heard anyone utter, let alone direct at me; but it was also physically painful.
I seriously damaged my leg tripping over a table.
The bruise was quite painful, and I even got a fairly large splinter driven into my thigh.
I did not walk properly for weeks, and carried a slight limp for months.
However, due to my stubborn nature, it took me some time to admit that you did nothing wrong except exist in the same room where a nasty piece of snake meat and her sister were doing their best to destroy the reputations of the entire female sex.
While I was unwilling to admit it at the time, your actions in the immediate aftermath and the next morning were entirely the actions of a gentleman, and I cannot find a fault.
You tried your best to right a wrong that was not even your offence, and my sister and I did not even give you a chance to show your true colours.
I have been encouraging my sister J to renew her acquaintance with you and Mr B for some time, but have no indication that she has done so or ever intends to.
And so, Mr D, I most humbly offer my apologies.
I realise I repeat myself, but it is difficult to recall what I said previously and what I did not, so I hope you will excuse my rambling.
As I said, I hope rather than believe that this entire incident has faded from your memory, which would not accord with the true gentleman you are.
I do not offer you absolution, as you committed no offence.
I simply offer an end to the matter, and hope that in the unlikely event we should ever meet again, we may begin anew as indifferent acquaintances.
Forgive me for taking up so much of your time, and accept my best wishes for your health and happiness.
EB