Chapter 24
AS SOON AS SHE WAS DONE unpacking her groceries, Simone made herself another mug of tea and plopped onto the couch to begin stitching her life back together.
There were so many problems she still didn’t know how to solve: the fact that Frankie had made the Rainbow Museum a hostile workplace; the fact that Seth was just pretending to be her friend; the fact that Ryan was gone from her life and might not ever return.
But there was one step she could take right now to make things better.
“Well, well, well,” Lucy said when she answered the FaceTime. Her blond hair was in a messy bun, and she was wearing a sheet mask.
“Sorry to disturb your Sunday Scaries ritual.”
“Hey, at least I’m hearing from you for the first time in seventeen years. Are you okay?” She sounded concerned, but also peeved, which was fair.
“I’m fine—health-wise.” Simone glanced away, ashamed that she’d lied about having a plague to Lucy, who’d shown her nothing but steadfast support since they’d met.
She looked back at her friend, who was squinting at her suspiciously through the slits in her sheet mask.
The absurdity of her appearance took the edge off Simone’s nerves.
“I was never sick,” she admitted. “I haven’t been coming into the office because something really fucked-up happened, and it made me feel like no one actually wanted me around, which I now realize was an extreme reaction, but—”
Lucy’s eyes softened. “Wait, what happened?”
Simone told Lucy about the meeting where Frankie had forgotten to disconnect his laptop from the monitor.
Then she texted Lucy the photo she’d snapped of Frankie and Seth’s Slack conversation.
The FaceTime video paused when Lucy opened the photo on her end, but Simone could still hear her reaction. “Oh my God. Oh. My. God.”
When Lucy reappeared, she’d taken off the sheet mask. Her dewy face was scrunched in a mixture of sympathy and indignation. “I don’t even know where to start,” she said, shaking her head.
“I know.”
“It’s bad enough that Frankie’s shit-talking an employee to another direct report, but the raging biphobia on top of it? From the founder of the Rainbow Museum?”
“And Seth just went along with it,” Simone lamented.
Lucy sighed. “It’s really disappointing.”
“It’s really humiliating.”
“Yeah, for them. You don’t have anything to be ashamed of.
But listen, I still completely understand why you reacted the way you did.
” She closed her eyes for a moment. “This one time, before I met Holly, I went on a date with someone who teased me for not being a ‘gold-star lesbian.’ Let me tell you, I spiraled.”
“Oh God.”
“Right? Like, way to make me feel not gay enough because I hooked up with guys in university, when I was still figuring shit out.”
“That’s so messed up.”
“And so’s this,” Lucy demanded. “Ugh, Simone, I’m sorry they said this stuff, and I’m sorry you had to see it.”
“Thanks,” Simone whispered. “But Luce, I’m still sorry that I lied about being sick and ignored your texts. You were checking in to see if I was okay, which is like, so nice of you. You’re an amazing friend, and I’m so lucky to know you.”
“Stop, you’re gonna make me cry.”
“It’s true.”
“I feel lucky to know you, too.”
“I wish we could hug right now,” Simone said.
“What if we both nuzzle our phones, like cats?” Lucy suggested.
Simone snorted. “Anything for you.”
When they were done nuzzling, Lucy pushed the flyaway hair off her face. “So, about these Slacks. What do you think you’re going to do?”
Simone mulled it over. There was still a small part of her that didn’t know how she’d ever look Frankie or Seth in the eye again.
But now that she’d talked to Glen and Lucy, there was a much larger part of her that felt brave, and bold, and determined to stand up for herself. “I’m gonna be Simone 2.0,” she said.
SIMONE KEPT HER CHIN UP AS she marched into the Rainbow Museum on Monday morning, even though her palms were clammy and her heart was a jackhammer.
Upstairs, in the office, she immediately spotted Seth, who was dressed in the same neon windbreaker he’d been wearing on her first day. He was in the kitchen.
She went to her desk and took off her coat. She could wait for Seth to come back to the chair next to hers—or she could go straight to him. She knew what Simone 2.0 would do.
“Hey,” she said to his back, as he filled his Stanley at the sink. Seth spun around at the sound of her voice. She would have assumed his smile was genuine had she not seen the Slacks and learned he was totally fake.
“Oh my God, you’re back! Finally!” He put down his water bottle and wrapped her in a hug. It would have been so easy to hug him back—to pretend that nothing was wrong—but today, she kept her arms down at her sides. Seth let go of her and stepped back, pouting. “Are you okay?”
She swallowed. “Do you have a minute to talk?”
“Of course.” He reached for a stool at the kitchen island. Phillip was standing behind them, grabbing oat milk from the fridge.
“Actually, do you mind if we go somewhere private?”
She led him to Ru Paul, where she perched on the edge of a beanbag with her back straight. She couldn’t let herself sink into the fabric.
Seth plopped into the beanbag next to her. “Simone, what’s wrong?”
You can do this, she told herself as she took a deep breath. “You remember that marketing meeting the other day, when I suggested we change the name of the Queer Makeover Extravaganza?”
Seth rolled his eyes. “Frankie was being such an asshole that day.”
Anger rose inside of her like water reaching a rolling boil. “You both were. After the meeting, Frankie forgot to disconnect his laptop, and I saw what you guys were Slacking about me behind my back.”
Seth’s face fell. The rest of his body froze.
“Frankie said I’m ‘basically straight,’ and that I shouldn’t be taken seriously because I’ve only been out for ‘like five minutes,’ and you just laughed along with all of it. Do you know how much it hurt to see that? Not just from my boss, but also from someone I considered a friend?”
He buried his face in his hands, and when he looked up again, his eyes were bloodshot. “Simone.” His voice was husky. “I am so, so sorry.” He blinked as though something had dawned on him. “Is that why you stopped coming into work?”
She nodded.
“Oh, Simone.” He leaned forward and put a hand on her knee, which made her flinch, so he retracted it, his expression full of shame. “I know I should have defended you, or at least ignored his evil messages, but sometimes it’s just so hard to push back, and I hate myself for not being stronger.”
She wasn’t sure if she could trust him. Not after seeing those Slacks. “How do I know you’re not just saying that?”
“Simone, please believe me: Frankie says shit like that about everyone, and it makes me so fucking uncomfortable. It’s like he’s trying to start some ‘boys’ club’ with the only other cis guy around his age at the company.
I’d show you the Slacks, but I don’t want to share all the fucked-up things he’s said about people. ”
His voice cracked, and something at the bottom of her heart told her Seth was being sincere. Simone leaned forward and put a hand on his knee. “I believe you.”
Seth’s lower lip trembled. “You do?”
She nodded.
He let out a sigh of relief. “I still feel awful that I hurt you. I need therapy so I can work on setting boundaries with him. I can’t afford therapy, obviously, ’cause our health plan sucks, but if I could, please know I would totally be working on it, and in the meantime, I’ll be watching a shit ton of therapists on Instagram who talk about setting social boundaries with your manager. ”
“Trust me,” she said, “I know how scary it is to push back against people whose opinions you care about. There’s a reason I didn’t come out until I was twenty-nine. And you’re what, twenty-four? In your first job out of university?” Seth nodded. “I bet that’s really freaking scary.”
“Thanks,” he murmured at the ground. “But I just want you to know”—he slowly looked up again—“that I don’t believe any of that ignorant shit Frankie said about you, and about bi people in general.”
“I know you don’t,” she promised.
“Frankie, on the other hand…” He glanced over Simone’s shoulder, as though checking to see if their boss was anywhere close to the conference room. “You don’t even know how much of an asshole he is. This is just the tip of the iceberg.”
Simone frowned. “What do you mean?”
Seth peered over her shoulder again, looking nervous. “Shit, he just came out of his office. Let’s talk later.”
Simone remembered they had a meeting with Frankie first thing this morning.
They clambered out of the beanbag chairs and hurried to Lil Nas X.
Simone had been dreading having to see her boss again, but she hadn’t anticipated the righteous fury that coursed through her now, as they took their seats around the table.
Frankie nodded at Simone. “Glad to see you back. How’re you feeling?”
As if you care. “Better,” she said, and it was true.
She’d smoothed things over with Lucy and Seth, two true friends who knew her heart, and had a life-changing run-in with Glen, the bisexual elder she hadn’t known she’d needed.
The only thing still missing from her life was Ryan, whose absence was still a gaping wound in her chest. It ached all the time: whenever she walked through the Rainbow Museum; whenever she saw other couples holding hands and kissing; whenever she saw his toothbrush in her bathroom or his comfy clothes folded neatly under her bed, because she still couldn’t bring herself to give them back.
She wanted him in her life again, wanted to give their love an actual chance to blossom, but she also knew that Ryan had trust issues, and if he wasn’t willing to work on himself, there was nothing she could do.