Chapter 11 #2
Gabe [7:55am]: You’re gonna knock em dead
Gabe [7:56am]: Try not to have too many button thoughts about me
Anya [7:56am]: I regret button
Anya [7:56am]: I rescind button
Anya [7:56am]: Button is dead
Gabe [7:56am]: Too late, button is canon
WhatsApp transcript: Anya Katz and Simone Humphrey
March 11, 9:42 p.m.
Anya: [sent four attachments]
Anya: So? How bad is it?
Simone: You sent me four screenshots of texts from a man who’s not your boyfriend, so you know it isn’t good
Anya: I know. I know!
Anya: I shouldn’t have texted him
Anya: But I really like texting him
Simone: There’s actually a very simple mechanism by which you could text Gabe whatever you want, whenever you want
Anya: Do you really think I should break up with Zeke?
Simone: Do YOU think you should?
Anya: It’s not like Gabe is even single
Anya: Or like we live in the same time zone
Simone: And these are reasons to stay with Zeke?
Anya: No, loving Zeke is the reason to stay with him
Anya: Knowing he is an actual good dependable boyfriend and not just addictive strings of words that appear on my phone is the reason to stay with him
Anya: (Not to mention it’s nice having one human being I know in Lincoln Nebraska)
Simone: Today was only your first day in the office, you’ll make friends
Anya: Unless they all hate me for being their boss and never want to hang out socially
Anya: Sorry, I’ll stop bathing in anxiety. How was your day??
Simone: Fine! Every day is fine in the land of endless meetings
Anya: That bad, huh?
Simone: I meet with my staff. I meet with senior staff.
I meet with candidates. I meet with my staff about which candidates I’m meeting next.
I write memos about the candidates I’ve met and then meet with senior staff to discuss the memos, thereby eliminating the need to write a memo in the first place
Anya: Sounds like DC!!
Anya: But helping the candidates is good, right? Writing big fat checks to campaigns that really need it?
Simone: Definitely. And there’s for sure some strategy in deciding where/when to send the money
Simone: I just miss doing ACTUAL strategy, you know?
Anya: You want to come work in Nebraska?
Anya: You can have any job you want, I don’t care who I fire, I’ve only known these people a day
Simone: Say that in front of them, you’ll be besties in no time
Anya: Do you think when I make friends I’ll want to text Gabe less?
Anya: (Sorry. But really, do you?)
Simone: Yeah, I do
Simone: And soon you’ll be working so much you won’t have time to text anyone
Anya: It’s harder than I thought, living with Zeke
Simone: Yeah? You lived together in Vegas
Anya: Sure, but you guys were there, and my parents, and Zeke and I were both so busy we barely saw each other. It felt like a treat when we did
Anya: Now we see each other…constantly lol
Simone: And you feel…?
Anya: Good! I still feel good
Anya: It’s just, he’s always. There.
Anya: Sometimes I want to veg out and watch a whole season of Survivor but he’s playing video games for hours, and then if I try to get him to stop and have a conversation with me, we don’t actually have that much to talk about
Anya: I know my work will pick up, and he’s looking for restaurant jobs, I’m sure it’ll get easier once we both have more to do
Simone: Do you regret asking him to move with you?
Anya: No
Anya: I do love him
Anya: But also, it kind of feels like our whole relationship has been by default
Anya: Like we fell into it instead of making an active choice, and I’m always half expecting that someday we’ll fall out of it the same way
Simone: Idk babe
Simone: Kira and I made this Adult Decision to move to DC and sign a lease and get big girl jobs, it was all super intentional
Simone: And it’s only been two months and we’re both crawling out of our skin
Anya: Noooo, Kira too?
Simone: Please, Kira more than me
Simone: She wants to light the DNC on fire lol
Anya: That’s what “be gay do crimes” means, right?
Simone: I never should have told you about queer tumblr
Anya: Stop no I love it!!!
Simone: My point is, intentionality doesn’t have to mean happiness, or the other way around
Simone: Are you happy with Zeke?
Anya: Yes. Unequivocally
Anya: I just also have concerns
Anya: And also want to text Gabe
Simone: If you’re happy with Zeke and don’t want to mess up your relationship, you’ve gotta stop flirting with Gabe
Simone: It’d be one thing if Gabe was some work husband, but there’s too much history
Simone: I’m sorry. I know it’s not what you want to hear
Anya: No. It is
Anya: I knew what you were going to say when you saw the screenshots
Anya: I guess it’s why I sent them
Simone: Duh
Simone: You don’t have to stop being his friend. It’s good you guys are finally friends (for me and Kira especially). Just stop doing whatever that was, okay?
Anya: Deal
Anya: Now please quit your fancy job and move to Nebraska???
Anya: Lincoln is a cool and artsy university city and you could go to so many women’s sports games
Simone: Ask me again in a month
Anya: Great, I’ll schedule a meeting
Text message transcript: Anya Katz and Gabe Hunt
April 30
Gabe [11:14pm]: Hey, are you up?
Gabe [11:14pm]: Not in a “u up” way, in an are you actually awake way
Anya [11:15pm]: Yeah, what’s going on?
Gabe [11:15pm]: I don’t even know where to start
Gabe [11:16pm]: Sorry, I’ve had such a shitty day
Anya [11:16pm]: Oh no, should I call?
Gabe [11:16pm]: No, Lu’s here this week, she’s sleeping
Gabe [11:16pm]: So I finally fired my finance director
Anya [11:17pm]: Ugh
Anya [11:17pm]: Right thing to do but I’m sure it sucked
Anya [11:17pm]: How’d the staff take it
Gabe [11:17pm]: The good news is I no longer have to question whether they hate me!
Anya [11:18pm]: Luckily you have a real thick skin about that sort of thing
Anya [11:18pm]: I’m so sorry. Is that why you’re upset?
Gabe [11:18pm]: Partly. There was also this donor meeting
Anya [11:18pm]: Never the start of a happy story
Gabe [11:19pm]: Defense guy, big bundler
Gabe [11:19pm]: Doing like $100k for us this cycle
Gabe [11:20pm]: So the guy’s a typical asshole, thinks he’s god’s gift. I’m keeping him warm until the candidate gets there, nothing I haven’t done a thousand times, but Wheeler’s running late from votes. I’d pawn the guy off on my finance director, except, you know
Anya [11:21pm]: You fired your finance director
Gabe [11:22pm]: Correct. So the guy’s talking big about how much money he throws around, this much to this race, that much to that one, I want to dig my eyes out with a grapefruit spoon, and then he says this thing about how Wheeler’s a great return on investment
Gabe [11:23pm]: So I asked what he meant by that
Gabe [11:23pm]: He said Wheeler secured all these contracts for his clients, drone delivery systems, biochemical weapons development, all this shit that’s currently killing people all over the world
Gabe [11:24pm]: And I know Wheeler’s on armed services. It’s not news to me he has a hand in these contracts, and if this guy’s clients didn’t get them someone else would
Gabe [11:25pm]: But I felt like, what am I doing here, you know?
Gabe [11:25pm]: Like, remember when Lu told you I was interviewing to work for Wheeler, and you got so mad?
Anya [11:26pm]: Of course
Anya [11:26pm]: (Really out of character, me judging you like that)
Gabe [11:26pm]: I was so pissed at you. I was like, can she not ever just give me a break?
Anya [11:26pm]: I’m sorry, Gabe
Gabe [11:26pm]: No, that’s not what I’m saying
Gabe [11:27pm]: I’m saying, I get it now
Gabe [11:27pm]: Why you were angry with me
Gabe [11:27pm]: I’m angry with me
Anya [11:27pm]: Oh, friend
Anya [11:28pm]: It was a bad day, ok?
Anya [11:28pm]: My candidate met with an anti-gay marriage mothers’ group last week
Anya [11:28pm]: Explained how she thinks some issues are better left to the states
Gabe [11:28pm]: Shut up
Gabe [11:28pm]: Did you have an aneurysm?
Anya [11:29pm]: No, I had a nice dignified cry in the privacy of my office and went about my day
Gabe [11:29pm]: I bet I’d feel better if I’d done that
Anya [11:30pm]: I actually thought about you
Gabe [11:30pm]: Were you thinking “Gabe is always supporting candidates who do amoral crap like this”?
Anya [11:31pm]: No. I was thinking, fuck. You’ve been right this whole time
Anya [11:31pm]: Because as much as I hate my candidate’s pathetically weak non-stance on gay rights, if she loses, we’re gonna get a guy in office who’ll actively legislate to take away every right from LGBT people he possibly can
Anya [11:32pm]: And that matters too
Anya [11:32pm]: They can’t all be Jo Sessego
Gabe [11:33pm]: Christ, Anya. Why are we in this miserable business?
Anya [11:33pm]: Should we quit? Go work office jobs with Kira and Simone?
Gabe [11:33pm]: No, we’d have to get further outside politics than that
Gabe [11:33pm]: Start over, buy a little farm somewhere they’ll never find us
Anya [11:34pm]: I’m confused, are we quitting politics or escaping the long arm of the law?
Gabe [11:34pm]: Don’t kid yourself, we’re too good
Gabe [11:34pm]: The candidates, the committees, they’ll never stop hounding us as long as we’re alive
Gabe [11:34pm]: We’ll probably need new names
Anya [11:35pm]: I’ll have some IDs made just in case
Gabe [11:35pm]: Smart
Anya [11:36pm]: You’re not worried we’d get bored on a farm?
Gabe [11:36pm]: You and me? Not possible.
November 9
Anya [10:52pm]: Hey, so I have to tell you something
Gabe [10:52pm]: What’s wrong? Are you okay?
Anya [10:53pm]: Yeah
Anya [10:53pm]: I mean no, but yeah
Anya [10:54pm]: Zeke’s moving to Oregon
Anya [10:54pm]: His buddy got him an organizing job with the longshoremen’s union out there
Anya [10:55pm]: And he hasn’t been happy working at the restaurant, so
Anya [10:55pm]: So he’s gonna take it
Gabe [10:56pm]: Damn. So you guys?
Anya [10:57pm]: We ended it, yeah
Gabe [10:57pm]: I’m so sorry Anya
Anya [10:58pm]: It’s okay. I mean I know he’s not your favorite person or anything
Gabe [10:58pm]: No, fuck that, who cares what I think of him
Gabe [10:58pm]: When did this happen?