Chapter 19 #2
I remind myself that the Spencers do not do love - not the kind that lasts, not the kind that matters. We make arrangements, forge alliances.
But Tara? She deserves someone who knows how to love without agenda. Someone who isn’t broken by generations of turning off their feelings.
I should remove my hand. Should stop letting her get so close. Stop letting myself want to be closer.
Instead, I find myself draping my arm around her shoulders, knowing I’m only making it harder for both of us in the end.
“First week of term, two years ago,” I say. “Troy threw this party—”
“Which you didn’t want to attend,” Tara interrupts, grinning. “I distinctly remember Troy practically dragging you downstairs.”
“I was busy.”
“You were hiding in your room doing God-knows what!”
“I was…” drawing, “busy.”
Paige laughs. “So, what happened?”
I glance at Tara, surprised to find her already looking at me. “She was dancing on a table—”
“I was not dancing on a table! I was using it as a stage to demonstrate the proper way to appreciate Queen’s ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’.”
There she was, up on that table wearing sequined white shorts and a pink tank top, hips swaying as she sang. All that golden skin on display, blonde hair wild, completely uninhibited. My first thought was ‘trouble.’ My second thought was considerably less noble.
“Right, because that’s so much better.”
“Anyway,” Tara continues, “this grumpy guy in the corner kept giving me these looks—”
“Concerned looks. You were very enthusiastic about the guitar solo.”
“—and then someone bumped the table, and suddenly Mr. Spencer launches across the room like some sort of superhero—”
“You fell,” I whisper. “I caught you.”
The table goes silent. Tara’s eyebrows shoot up before she hides her surprise. I remember with perfect clarity how she’d felt in my arms that night, laughing and slightly drunk and so alive it hurt to look at her.
“And then”—she sighs—“I spilled my entire drink down his shirt.”
“It was red wine,” I add, grateful for the break in tension. “Ruined my favorite hoodie.”
“Please, that hoodie was already a disaster. I did you a favor. Plus, it was black anyway, so you couldn’t see the stain.”
“You still owe me a new one.”
“Add it to my tab, Spencer.”
Paige’s watching us with a knowing smile. “Love at first sight, then?”
“God no,” Tara says quickly. “He thought I was a disaster and I thought he was an ass.”
“You’re still a disaster,” I mutter.
“And you’re still an ass.” She bumps my shoulder lightly. “But I guess you’re growing on me.”
If only she knew how much she’s grown on me.
“I had no idea that happened, man. That night I got so hammered I—” Whatever Ethan was about to say he stops himself.
“You got so hammered you….?” Paige presses.
Ethan’s cheeks flush. He’s got a light complexion due to his strawberry blonde hair, and one of the best parts about it is that he flushes easily. He’s not usually embarrassed though.
“I passed out in bed.”
Paige eyes him but drops it.
“I didn’t know that story about you guys though!” Ethan repeats. “I’ve heard Alex and Freddie’s story that night. That’s the night two of our other friends met and eventually realized they were meant for each other,” Ethan explains to Paige.
“So how did you two actually get together?” Paige leans forward, wine glass in hand. “After that party, I mean.”
I watch Tara tense slightly, knowing she’s about to recite our carefully rehearsed story. But something makes me want to push this, maybe the way she’s been driving me crazy all night in that pink dress, or how her laugh at Ethan’s jokes keeps making me want to punch him for existing.
My hand finds her knee under the table. “Actually,” I say, enjoying how her eyes widen, “Tara sort of stalked me.”
She chokes on her drink. “What?”
I shouldn’t enjoy this so much, shouldn’t like how her cheeks flush when she’s flustered. But my thumb traces small circles on her knee anyway. “Remember that time you followed me into the geology labs? Claimed you were ‘just really interested in mineral formations’?”
Her hand covers mine, deceptively sweet, and I know I’m in trouble. “Only because you kept making excuses to hang around the environmental science building. What was it you said about our soil samples? That they were ‘fascinating’?”
“The sediment composition was fascinating.” It was. But not as fascinating as watching her get excited.
“Sure it was, honey.”
Paige looks delighted. “Oh my god, you guys were totally science nerding over each other!”
“I mean,” Tara says, and Christ, the way she bites her lip when she’s thinking, “he did try to impress me by reciting the entire geological time scale.”
“And you corrected my Cambrian extinction dates.”
“Because you were wrong.”
“I wasn’t wrong.” My hand tightens on her knee without conscious thought.
“You were a little wrong.”
“Want to debate mass extinction events right now, Tink?”
Her eyes darken and suddenly I’m very aware of how close we’re sitting, how easy it would be to-
Paige sighs dreamily. “You two are adorable. Ethan, why don’t you ever try to seduce me with science facts?”
“Oh, well, want to know something that defies gravity?” He waggles his eyebrows.
“Are you talking about…? Ethan! That’s not seductive.” She groans but she’s laughing and touching his arm.
I barely register their conversation, too focused on Tara’s skin under my palm, the way she shivers slightly when my thumb moves.
This is getting dangerous. I should stop touching her.
Should probably stop looking at her too, before someone notices how much I’m not pretending anymore. Not really. Not even a little bit.
But I don’t do either of those things. Because I’m an idiot who apparently enjoys torturing himself.
Fuck.