Chapter 29
ALFIE
Moe’s glows with its usual neon warmth, but nothing about tonight feels usual.
I stand in the doorway, watching Tara through the window.
She’s wearing this pink dress that catches the light like she’s made of stardust, her hair falling in waves down her back.
My fingers itch to draw her, to capture the way she throws her head back laughing at something Alex said.
“You going in, or just doing your thing out here?” Freddie appears beside me, eyebrows raised.
I adjust my jacket. “Just... getting some air.”
“Right. Getting air. At the entrance. While staring at Tara.”
“Fuck off.”
Freddie chuckles and pats my shoulder leading us in.
Inside, the group’s claimed their usual corner booth. Tara’s gaze finds mine the moment I approach, then quickly darts away. My head roars.
I slide into the only empty seat - directly across from Tara. She stiffens slightly, reaching for her drink.
“Look who finally showed up!” Ethan raises his beer.
Troy claps me on the shoulder, but something feels off about his usual greeting. “Grab a seat, man. We were just talking about next year. Our final year, man.”
“Boo, it’s not my final year. Tara and I have 2 years left.”
“Yeah, yeah of course. It’s all the important people’s final year.” Ethan waves a hand. “Plus, it’s emotional. This is our last summer birthday at Moe’s.”
Alex rolls her eyes. “We’ve never had a summer birthday at Moe’s before.”
The whole time my eyes are on Tara, begging her to look at me.
“We were just hearing about your community service hours,” Ethan says, grinning. “Tara was explaining your vision for the mural, you know, to cover up the huge cock that was there before.”
Alex scrunches her nose. “Must you be so crude?”
“Oh sorry, princess. I forgot you’re with Freddie now. You probably don’t know what a huge—”
“I’ll have you know,” Alex cuts in, curling into Freddie’s side, “I’m very satisfied with my man’s equipment.”
“And that’s more than any woman’s ever said about you, Ethan,” Freddie adds with a smirk.
While they bicker, I find myself asking Tara, “What were you saying about the mural?”
“Just that it’s surprising,” she says, some of her usual fire returning. “Not very black and gray. Not very you.”
“I own a pink shirt now,” I counter automatically.
“You looked great in it.” Her eyes flash to mine, something soft and dangerous there. “God forbid we add any actual color to your perfect grayscale world.”
“What if I like it that way?”
“Oh right, because it would be just terrible if anything was bright or joyful or—” She catches herself, realizing how heated her voice has become. “Whatever. It doesn’t matter now anyway. I spoke to Janine. I’m working with Maria; she said you and Jonny are getting on well with the rest of it.”
“Maria?” I sneer.
The air between us feels charged, loaded with everything we aren’t saying. I don’t notice Troy’s head snap up at the tension in his sister’s voice, don’t catch his eyes narrowing as he looks between us.
“What’s going on with you two?” Troy asks slowly.
My throat tightens. I’ve imagined this moment a hundred times. Troy finding out I fell for his sister, that I pushed her away, that I’m a gigantic douchebag. But now that it’s happening, I can’t find the words.
“The weather. It’s making us all feel a little crazy,” Alex replies quickly. Too quickly. “Some people say the mountains can cause headaches.”
An uncomfortable silence falls. I watch Tara fidget with her napkin, her fingers tracing the edge like she does when she’s nervous.
I used to catch her doing that during family dinners, when my mother would make some thinly veiled comment about her background.
I’d wanted to reach for her hand then too.
“Okay, what the hell is going on?” Troy looks around the table, his instincts clearly kicking in. “You’re all acting weird. Did something happen?”
No one speaks. Ethan suddenly becomes very interested in his beer label. Freddie and Alex exchange glances that say everything.
“Nothing happened,” Tara says, but her voice is tight and sounds like she’s trying not to cry. The sound makes my chest ache. “Everything’s fine.”
“Bullshit.” Troy’s eyes narrow, and I see the moment his suspicion crystallizes into something darker. “Especially you two”—he gestures between Tara and me—"are being weird. You haven’t stopped glaring at each other all night.”
Because I can’t look away, I want to say. Because I’m scared if I do, I’ll forget how it felt to make her smile, to watch her face light up when she talked about fossils, to hold her while she slept.
“I’m going to get another drink,” Troy announces, pushing back from the table. “And when I get back, someone better start explaining.”
As soon as Troy heads toward the bar, Ethan sighs dramatically. “You know we’re going to have to tell him about the whole fake dating thing eventually. Better to rip the band-aid off—”
“Tell me about what?”
The color drains from Ethan’s face as Troy appears behind him reaching to grab his wallet he left on the table. My stomach drops. This is it, the moment I lose my best friend.
“I can explain…” I start, already preparing to take the full blame, to tell Troy it was all my idea. But Tara cuts me off.
“No,” she says, standing. “I’ll handle this.” She looks at me, really looks at me, for the first time all night, and the hurt in her eyes feels like a physical blow. “You’ve handled enough lately.”
The jab lands exactly as intended - she knows I can’t stand seeing her hurt, knows it kills me not to protect her. But that’s why we’re in this mess, isn’t it?
I’m itching to stand up as she leads Troy outside of the bar, her pink dress looking fucking fantastic.
“Well,” Ethan says into the silence, “this should be interesting.”
Alex kicks him under the table, but I barely register it. I crane my neck to get a better look at her. I’m too focused on Tara’s hands. She’s explaining very dynamically to Troy.
“You okay?” Freddie whispers, barely breaking through the roaring in my ears.
“No,” I answer honestly, because what’s the point in lying anymore? “I’m really not.”
Tara crosses her arms, chin lifting.
“For what it’s worth,” Alex says, surprising me by speaking directly to me for the first time since everything fell apart, “she’s not okay either.”
The truth of her words hollows me out, leaving me raw and aching. Because that’s exactly what I was trying to avoid. Tara not being okay because of me. Better to end it cleanly than let her get tangled up in my family’s mess. Better to push her away than watch my world taint hers.
Except—
She’s out there, alone.
For me.
And suddenly, I’m not sure if I’m protecting her.
Or if I’m just protecting myself.
Watching her now, trying to explain our mess to her brother, I wonder if I got it all wrong. If in trying to protect her from pain, I just caused a different kind.
Troy’s face darkens as Tara talks, and my hands clench under the table. Every instinct screams at me to go over there, to stand beside her, to face this together. But she asked for space, asked to handle this herself. The least I can do is give her that.
Even if it’s killing me to sit here and do nothing.
Even if I’m finally realizing how much I want her. How much I need her.
Despite my better judgement, I jump up. This was my doing, Tara did this for me and I need to take responsibility.