Chapter 20 #2
In the back, she turned on the lights, surveyed the crowded storage area, and sighed.
Everything had been chaotic and unorganized since the warehouse fire, and after the other store’s fire, things had only gotten worse.
There were stacks of inventory haphazardly placed on shelves, on the floor, in and around the table and chairs used for employee breaks.
On a shelving unit sat three of Bill’s lighthouses, held up on either side with two of her father’s travel books.
She ran a finger over a spine. “I was with him when he did his research for this one. We took a canoe down the . I’ll never forget it.”
“You shouldn’t.” He turned her to face him. “Maybe there’s more you should never forget.”
“I’m beginning to get that,” she said softly, knowing how right he was. “It’s just that I wanted to live in the here and now, you know?” She let out a sad smile. “Just wanted to hang out, see everyone, be happy, and then go on my merry way.”
“Without looking back?”
“That was my plan. But…” She set her hand on his chest, slowly fisting it over his heart, staring at her fingers as she gripped him tight, binding him to her. “I don’t seem to be able to manage it the way I thought I could.”
He covered her hand with his. “Because it’s all entwined. The past. The now. The future.”
“I just want the now,” she whispered.
He slowly shook his head. “That’s not the way this works, Red. At least not for me.”
Her heart sped up as she struggled to make sure he understood. “I’ve never really been a future sort of woman, you know that. And I sure as hell know you’re not a past kind of guy. There’s nothing there for you, you’ve said so yourself. When you look at it like that, all we have is now.”
“You are my past. My entire past.”
She dropped her forehead to his chest and took a moment to soak him in.
Everything about him steadied her—his solid heartbeat, the scent of him, the way his hands felt on her, his voice, everything.
“I’m so screwed up,” she murmured. “I thought being here would help, but now I’m just feeling more confused. ”
He stroked a soothing hand up her spine, sinking his fingers into her hair.
“That’s because when your father died, when your mother closed herself off, all you saw was the pain from the loss.
You’re afraid you’ll end up the same way if you ever love someone too much, so you close yourself off too,” he said, brushing his lips against her temple. “Am I close?”
She was still staring at his chest, wondering how it was he saw so much and understood her, maybe more than she did herself. “Let’s just say you’re warm.”
“I’m more than warm, Red. I’m dead-on. Now you live your life in the present without looking back.
It’s easier to do that, easier to keep your heart intact and safe, but guess what?
Shit happens and you had to come back here where the past and the present have collided like a plane crash, and there’s no safety net. ”
“I know,” she whispered.
“Look, you’ve lived good and well, but not deep. Maybe it’s time to change things.”
A moment ago he’d been forceful and sexy as hell with it. Now he was being so sweet and tender, and somehow it was even sexier. But that he saw her so clearly, so absolutely, stunningly clearly, terrified her.
How could he know her so well?
“I loved the girl you were,” he said, and stroked a tear off her cheek that she hadn’t even been aware she’d shed. “And I’m growing to love the woman you’ve become. Past and present, hopelessly entwined. So the future should be given a shot too.”
“Joe.” She squeezed her eyes shut.
“Look at me.” He tipped up her chin. “You say that the past doesn’t matter, but you stand there looking at that book of your father’s and you ache. You say that what we had in the past doesn’t matter, but you keep going back to it so that’s yet another lie.”
Into the silence her phone vibrated like an insect. She pulled it out of her pocket.
Joe moved away from her into the front room of the store and out of her view while she looked at the display.
The phone vibrated again, shook and shimmied in her hand as she stared at the screen.
By the time she followed Joe a minute later, he was talking to the police officer.
She walked up to them and showed Joe the text.
They won’t stop looking for me until you’re gone. Get gone.
His eyes slid over the words, then up to hers. He had his fire marshal face on, inscrutable. Only the corners of his mouth, turned slightly down, gave him away.
“I guess we’re still bothering somebody,” she said in a surprisingly normal voice. “Or should I say me. I’m still bothering somebody. That’s not really saying much though, since I’ve been bothering pretty much everybody I’ve come across since being home.”
“Red—”
“Here.” She thrust the phone at him. “Just…do what you do and figure it all out.”
He grabbed her hand and squeezed until she looked at him again. “I will,” he promised.
And though just about everything was going wrong, including them, she nodded because she believed him. She believed in him.