Chapter Fifty-Six
Haze
Frank was sick, and there was nothing we could do about it. Reggie was asleep. Bibi didn’t need picking up for four hours. I was too sad to paint, too angry to watch TV.
I’d given Fox a long list of special items to buy for a large hamper for Frank and Sandy, which would do absolutely nothing, except make me feel like we were doing something.
I got up to make a cup of tea and tripped over a toy car. I picked it up and flung it across the room.
I looked around the kitchen and the random piles of toys that we’d accepted as part of our lives now.
I walked into the playroom and saw the overflowing cupboards, more toys, the corners of the room filled with treacherous piles of Lego.
I might have no control over certain things in my life, but this total god-awful mess was something I could conquer.
I pulled everything out. It was going to get worse before it got better.
I pressed play on a Beastie Boys album, ramped up the volume, and got to work.
By the time pickup was looming, I had filled five boxes with old toys, rejected toys, and plastic crap I just didn’t want to look at anymore. Three I’d marked for the charity shop, and the rest for the tip.
I took a breath and looked around. I hadn’t solved any of the big life problems I was facing, but somehow I felt a little better. Clearing out was therapeutic. I should tell Fox. Save money on talking to Stupid Sally and just clean the house.
I had just enough time before getting Bibi to drop everything off. I parked up outside the charity shop and started pulling things out of the boot.
The bald man behind the counter spotted me and came to the door to help. “You’ve got a lot here!” he said as he took two boxes off me.
“Finally had a big clear-out of the playroom.”
“Oh, thank god it’s all kids’ stuff.”
“Why?”
“We get a lot of women dropping off stuff belonging to their errant husbands, and then it all gets a bit awkward when said husbands come in demanding it back.”
“That happens a lot?”
“You have no idea. There’s a lot of bad men out there.” He took a beat and looked at me.
What the fuck? Was he another of The Chameleon’s plants?
I shook it off. How the hell was The Chameleon to know that I’d wake up one morning and decide to offload piles of stuff to a charity shop? This paranoia was getting too much.
“I’m Freddie.” He kept looking at me. “You’re local, aren’t you? I’ve definitely seen you around.”
“Yes.” I checked my watch. “I’d better get going.”
“Well, don’t be a stranger!” Freddie whistled to himself as he put everything under the counter.
I left the shop, looking back over my shoulder once to see him standing there, staring at me. I gave a little wave, to which he gave a thumbs-up. He was just a nice, slightly odd man who volunteered at a charity shop. He was a good person, and I was a killer who saw threats everywhere.
I picked up Bibi and got her to poke Reggie the whole drive back so he wouldn’t fall asleep and ruin bedtime.
Fox was waiting for us when I walked into the kitchen. He’d had his black-tie outfit dry-cleaned in preparation for the party, and it was hanging up on one of the cupboard doors.
He gestured around the toy-free kitchen. “It looks amazing down here. Thank you.”
“How were they?”
Fox had dropped off the hamper with Frank and Sandra. “They were very touched. Frank said the cashmere socks and silk dressing gown were so ridiculously luxurious, the nurses were going to think he was some kind of Mafia boss.”
Reggie was in my arms, and Fox pulled us both into a hug. He kissed the top of my head. “I’m just starting on dinner. I tried calling before pickup—where were you?”
“I took some stuff to the charity shop. I needed something to do.”
“What?”
I looked round to see Bibi staring up at me.
“What you take?” she demanded.
“Nothing of yours.” White lies save lives.
But she’d already run into the playroom. I handed Reggie to Fox and followed. She was wildly looking through all the neatly organized boxes.
“Do not make a mess!” The Zen-like calm I’d experienced earlier was fast disappearing.
Bibi cried, “My one-legged doll with the chopped-off hair. I miss her!”
“You have not played with her in years. I took her to the charity shop so another little child could love her properly.” Another lie, but it sounded better than admitting I’d dropped her at the tip enroute to the charity shop
“That’s not…She was mine. MINE!” Bibi pulled a soft bunny out of a box. “What about my Playmobil vet?”
This was a plastic vet’s office for which half the pieces and the roof were missing.
“And my Barbie caravan?”
The caravan had no wheels and was covered in permanent marker. It looked like it belonged outside a crack den.
“They might still be there. I’m not sure.” Lie.
“Not here!” Bibi threw the bunny down onto the floor. “Charity shop, charity shop. My precious things are there!”
“Enough, Bibi! Sometimes bad stuff happens, and there’s nothing you can do about it. You just need to accept it and focus on all the good stuff.”
“I’m too sad!”
“Then bloody distract yourself!” I kept thinking about Jenny. She was heartbroken, and I couldn’t do anything to help. “Sorry, I mean…I just…” My voice caught a little.
“You can go watch TV, Bibi.” Fox was behind me. He wrapped his arms around me as I leaned back into him.
Bibi stomped off.
“Let’s get you a glass of wine.” Fox rested his head on top of mine. “Two hours of watching Octonauts, and she’ll have forgotten all about it.”
The doorbell rang.
Fox extracted himself from me. “Another delivery, I’m presuming?” He squeezed my shoulder and went to the door.