Chapter Seven Carden
“You are going to meet the whole band,” Pearl said.
“And you didn’t ask your boyfriend if you could invite a friend?
” Her hands were on her hips as she glared at the selection of clothes he had thrown on his bed.
Maybe he should have asked Adam to come over and help him with this.
Adam was a professional hair and makeup artist, working on a very popular show.
He also had good taste. And Adam wouldn’t have made a scene because he hadn’t asked to bring a friend to this meeting he was already freaking out about.
His life was full of small and big mistakes, it seemed.
“You have good taste,” Pearl said. “When you aren’t freaking out. You always look good.”
“Is it that obvious that I’m freaking out?”
“You’re a mess,” Pearl said, her voice soft. “I think you need a tea. Something calming. Chamomile, maybe.”
“I need a drink,” Carden countered.
“No, you really don’t need a drink. Maybe we should call Adam after all.”
Did he really want to call Adam? Mostly only to vent.
They hadn’t seen each other in days, and now Carden was going off to meet with rock stars.
There were a few things Adam would have to say to him, Carden was sure.
Adam could also impart some wisdom on how to date a famous person, seeing as he was dating two actors himself.
And Adam was fucking happy with his men.
Carden wanted that. Well, not with two men; he was just fine with one, but he wanted this elusive happiness that Adam had. That made him glow.
“I am totally fine doing my own hair. I don’t know why I’m acting crazy right now.”
She gave him a look. “Because you want to make a good impression. You want the people who are clearly like family to Marius to like you.”
Carden nodded. He did want that. “Yeah.”
“And that’s because you’re head over heels for Marius,” Pearl finished.
“I am not head over heels for him,” Carden said, but even to his own ears it sounded like a lie. He was always prone to falling in love fast, and that wasn’t always a good thing.
Pearl hummed but chose not to say anything more on that topic. She surveyed his clothes again. “It’s a casual thing, right? Food, drinks? The works?”
Carden nodded.
“Okay then, wear green; you look good in green.”
Carden nodded again, because he did look great in green. Once he started with his favorite shirt, they went from there. It wasn’t so hard after all to look presentable.
◆◆◆
The bar was on the shabbier side of town, and Carden had never been here before.
He felt overdressed as he looked at the sea of black and grey t-shirts but squared his shoulders and walked over to where the band was sitting in a corner booth.
Marius waved as soon as he saw him. He even stood and came around the table to greet him.
“Hi,” he said with a smile. Giving him an appreciative once-over.
Something warm uncurled inside Carden’s chest, and he didn’t feel overdressed anymore. He felt great, in fact. Like he made the right choice after all.
“Hi,” Carden replied.
“Oh my god, just kiss the boy already,” someone said. Carden thought it was Bennett. He had looked the band up, of course, so he knew who was who, but the corner here was rather dark, and Bennett and his brother looked rather alike.
“Sorry, they were all raised by wolves and don’t know how to act in public,” Marius said, and the guys laughed.
Carden licked his lips. “You can kiss me if you want. I really don’t mind.”
“You don’t mind, hmmm?”
Carden shook his head.
Marius smiled and kissed him. Someone at the table whistled.
They sat, and Marius put his hand on Carden’s leg under the table as he introduced the guys.
“We’ve heard a lot about you, Carden,” Armin said.
“Yeah, Marius won’t shut up about you,” Owen added.
“He said he’s going to write a song about me,” Carden replied.
“Why did you tell them that?” Marius groaned.
Carden blinked at him innocently. “Because no one ever wrote a song about me. I am honored and am looking forward to it. And also, now that more than just the two of us know about this ambition of yours, you have to do it and can’t back out.”
“Beautiful and devious,” Bennett said. “I approve. When you’re tired of this one, I will gladly take you out.”
“I’m also smart,” Carden said, and the guys laughed again, but it wasn’t mean. It was in good humor, and he relaxed a bit more in their company. The alcohol they ordered helped, of course, as did the greasy but delicious bar food.
“These fried pickles are to die for,” Carden said and put another one in his mouth. His basket was nearly empty, and he contemplated ordering another one.
“That is the main reason we like to come here,” Owen said.
“How did you find this place? My friend Pearl told me you guys were born and raised in this town but that you don’t live here anymore,” Carden said and stole a fried pickle from Marius.
“That’s true. Kinda. Bennett and Armin have a crappy apartment here.
Marius crashes with them when we aren’t on tour.
But these assholes moved away for school and only recently got the crappy apartment.
I stayed here. My dad used to get me food here sometimes when I was a kid,” Owen said, sounding nostalgic. “I’m glad this place is still open.”
“Me too,” Carden replied. He studied Owen.
He had that perfect profile. An artist’s dream, really.
His fingers itched for a pen and paper. If Owen were anyone else, he would have asked him to sit for a portrait, but Owen was a member of Citizen Clash and pretty much famous, so he didn’t.
The man caught him staring and winked at him.
Carden felt himself blush. That was fucking embarrassing, but also an occupational hazard.
“What?” Bennett asked.
“Nothing,” Owen said.
“Bullshit,” Bennett replied. “I know there was something going on just a second ago.”
“I like how Owen looks,” Carden heard himself admit, and everyone at the table stared at him. Dear God, what the hell was wrong with him? These weren’t his friends who knew his quirks and loved him for them. These were practically strangers, and famous strangers at that.
“Thank you,” Owen said eventually.
“Really? Owen caught your eye?” Armin wanted to know. “Not me, or even my less handsome brother?”
“Hey, I am clearly the better-looking one,” Bennett said.
“You are all very handsome,” Carden said, rolling his eyes. “Of course, Marius is my favorite for a lot of reasons.”
“Pff, Owen can write songs, too,” Armin said.
“But do any of you kiss as well as Marius?” Carden challenged mischievously.
“Want to find out?” Bennett asked with a cheeky grin. Carden had the feeling that if he hadn’t already been with Marius, Bennett would have totally hooked up with him. He felt flattered, so fucking flattered.
“No, thanks. Marius pretty much ruined me for every other man out there,” Carden replied with a careless shrug.
Owen laughed, and Armin whistled.
Marius kissed his cheek. “You are so fucking perfect,” he whispered in Carden’s ear.
At that moment and with these men, Carden felt good about himself and optimistic about his future.
◆◆◆
“So you want to date a celebrity,” Adam said in a tone of voice a teacher would use, and Carden groaned.
He was lying on Adam’s very comfortable sofa while Adam sat opposite him, grinning.
His friend had already fed him, which Carden was grateful for, because he forgot to buy groceries.
He would need to do that soon. The last week had been busy.
When he wasn’t hanging out with Marius, having sex with Marius, or having dinner at various places with Marius, he was working on paintings.
The self-portrait was still a distant dream.
It wasn’t for a lack of trying. He had tried; he really did, but he hated everything he started, and in the end he had to beg his professor for an extension on his deadline.
His professor gave him another two weeks to produce something, and he really hoped that inspiration would strike soon. The muse was fickle, of course.
“Don’t feel so smug just because you’re dating two hot actors,” Carden said.
“I am really happy for you, you know?” Adam said.
Carden turned so he could see Adam’s face and his so-fucking-blue eyes better. “That I am dating a hot singer now? You always thought I would be famous one day. Seems you were right. Soon I will be in every fucking gossip magazine. The groupie that snagged Citizen Clash’s lead singer.”
“Carden,” Adam said, gently.
Fuck. Carden sighed. “Sorry. I just… I just know people will think I date him for the exposure or money or fucking both.”
“And by people you mean Kevin, right?” Adam asked.
Adam knew him too well. Sometimes it was scary, but more often it was a good thing because he didn’t have to find the words to get his feelings and fears across. “It’s fucking stupid, I know. But I dread what he will do once he finds out about us.”
“It’s not like you have anything to be ashamed of,” Adam said.
“Except being a dishtowel of a person who let him walk all over me, you mean?” Carden said.
“You are not worthless ,” Adam said.
The word still stung for some reason. Kevin liked to use it a lot when he was displeased with Carden for one reason or another.
Carden really wished he had seen Kevin for who he really was a lot sooner.
Then he might have avoided some bruises and, more imprudently, these self-esteem issues he had now.
All that fucking baggage he took with him everywhere now.
“I know that,” Carden said. He sat up and pulled his legs under him. “I know I’m not worthless. But he made me feel that way, and…sometimes,” he broke off.