Chapter 29
CHAPTER
TWENTY-NINE
It’s been almost two whole weeks since I last had chemo, which means when I woke up this morning, I didn’t roll over and vomit or look like death incarnate.
I slept last night, which feels like a small miracle considering my newest worry isn’t the side effects of treatment, but rather, the reality that tomorrow’s treatment might not be my last.
I finish getting ready, slipping into black leggings and a pair of trainers, and I have zero shame about sliding Elijah’s jumper over my head.
We may not really be sleeping together, but his clothes are comfortable, and if he didn’t want me to wear them, he wouldn’t be leaving them neatly folded on top of the clean clothes in my laundry basket each week.
And with him, I feel content to wear his jumpers without judgment because I know this isn’t his caveman way of claiming me. He’s a good friend, and the quiet peace he brings me is a comfort I never knew I was so desperate for.
I exit my room early, finding Elijah already in the kitchen, dressed in a pair of those teeny-tiny shorts the rugby players wear. His broad back is facing me as he busies himself, grabbing plates and utensils. My mouth might even water at the sight of him if I were capable of such a reaction.
Good thing I’m not. That would be embarrassing. How exactly is it that Chelsea and Letty live the way they do? Their every emotion written clear as day across their faces. It must be exhausting.
“Are you planning to join me for breakfast, or are you content to continue staring at my arse?” Elijah asks, not bothering to turn to face me with the cocky smirk I so rarely catch a glimpse of.
“Give me just another minute or two,” I snark.
He spins around, eyes narrowing and cheeks bright pink with a pretty blush that tells me just how much I affect him. On very few occasions, Elijah tries to play it cool, but mostly, he’s the softest teddy bear of a man, and his facade is quick to crumble.
“Adhira, come eat before I’m forced to do something about what you’ve just said,” he whines, running a trembling hand through his hair.
This is one of those occasions where I wish Elise were around because I’d be able to ask her what the hell he means. I have a feeling he’s alluding to something, and it leaves me unsettled that it went over my head.
I pout, pulling my chair out at the island and taking a seat as he places a plate in front of me.
The bright-yellow plate has four divided sections, each with a different food group painted beneath the scrambled cheesy eggs, a piece of nearly burnt toast—just how I like it—berries, and sautéed spinach.
“Elijah, did someone rummage through our cabinets and steal our plates?” I ask, arching an eyebrow.
He smirks, taking his seat beside me. “I saw these plates online while buying a few things for the girls the other night and thought they’d be an easy way to keep your food separated.”
My chest warms and my heart contracts. Damn him and his beautiful, thoughtful mind.
“Thank you,” I croak, shoving a piece of toast in my mouth to keep the questions and unnecessary comments buried inside.
He watches me chew, his light eyes twinkling under the kitchen lights, lips quirking in a small smile before he hums his satisfaction and digs into his meal.
“You have lab work today, right?” he asks when we’re halfway finished eating.
“Yeah, I’m leaving soon to head over there if you wanna come. We can make a day of it and stop at that indie bookstore across the street from the treatment centre.” Tomorrow is either going to be a massive success or the failure of a lifetime, and I’m not sure I’m truly prepared for either.
“I want to go with you,” he stresses, his eyes never leaving mine.
It leaves me unsettled. I break eye contact, looking over his shoulder before returning to his mouth.
What a mistake that is. “But I need to get back to my routine and recentre myself, or I won’t be any good for anyone.
Any chance you can wait to go after my workout? ”
I shift in my seat, tugging on the hem of his jumper, my gaze anywhere but on him. I am the cause of his messed-up routine and undue stress. The familiar guilt of being a burden presses down on me, whispering those same ubiquitous fears against the shell of my ear.
“Adhira,” he whispers, his deep tone cracking.
“It’s okay, Elijah. I don’t mind going on my own. I’m just upset that I’ve been messing with your routine so much and I hadn’t recognised it sooner.”
His entire body sags, and he reaches for me out of instinct before allowing his hands to fall awkwardly to his lap. Something akin to disappointment slices through me, his touch no longer unwelcome like the rest of society.
“It’s not remotely your fault. I have a tendency to fall headfirst into helping everyone around me, and sometimes, I leave myself behind. It’s something I’m working on with my therapist.”
“Good,” I say, pushing out of the chair and hopping down.
I grab his empty plate and mine, dumping the remains in the rubbish bin before setting them in the sink.
He hasn’t moved an inch when I glance up.
“I want you to go to the gym and do everything you normally would. I’ll be gone for two hours, tops.
We can do something together after if you have time, but no pressure,” I assure him, my throat tight with the need to ensure he cares for himself as tenderly as he does everyone else.
He nods once, a soft smile curling his light-pink lips. “Yes, ma’am.”
That nagging part of my brain, which persists in sabotaging everything good in my life, is pleading with me to push him away. To save him from the absolute mess that I seem to always leave in my wake as of late.
But the selfish part, the section walled off just for him, doesn't truly want to push him away.
And maybe it's that, or the knowledge that pushing him away won't do anything but hurt him further.
Elijah is sensitive, and while it's not something I'm very familiar with, I get the sense that he wouldn't do anything but worry more if I tried to create some distance.
He moves effortlessly around the kitchen, helping me clean up before he leaves.
He insists on walking me downstairs, and when he’s gone, I pop my noise-reducing loops in and busy myself with responding to messages, going through the motions of walking to the Tube, hopping on, and taking a seat in a quiet corner.
Elise
Checking in on everyone.
Chelsea
Burnt the shit out of my hand while making torched bananas last night, but otherwise, doing fab!
Letty
I’m deleting my dating apps, adopting a raccoon and moving somewhere with a thousand acres of land where no one will find me.
Elise
So, same as usual. Glad to hear it.
Adhira…Don’t ignore us.
Chelsea
Yeah, we’ll never go away.
Letty
Mhmm, can’t get rid of us.
I snort, typing out a quick response before exiting the Tube and heading the rest of the way to the treatment centre.
I thought you were moving to not be found? Pretty sure that means I’d be down at least one of you…But I’m fine. All is normal over here. You all act like you didn't just see me this weekend.
And make sure you ice your hand, Chels.
Chelsea
Thanks, snookums And an hour in a crowded bar before you not so sneakily slipped out does not equate to quality time spent together. Besides, we were celebrating the guys' win, not catching up with each other.
Elise
Looked like you and Elijah have gotten awfully close.
Letty
How’s the sex?
I nearly choke on my tongue, tripping over my own feet as I wave my thanks to the older gentleman holding the door for me. Why must they be like this?
Great. Gotta go.
I mute their notifications and shove my phone in my bag, waiting in line to check in and begrudgingly wishing they were here to keep my mind busy.