Chapter 36
CHAPTER
THIRTY-SIX
I’ve run myself ragged in an attempt to drown out the misery that feeds me at the thought of watching Adhira become a shell of herself like Mum had.
It had only taken a five-kilometre run to wear me down, which is no surprise after waking to Adhira’s muffled cries and panting from nightmares. Still, I’m thankful I was there, and that she let me be. That she’s been letting me all week.
Our conversation the morning after she received that awful news keeps racing through my thoughts.
The steadiness of her voice when she’d explained what Dr. Alvarez said provides the hope I needed to latch on to.
There are too many factors at play to know if that hope is misplaced or not, but I learned a long time ago that if I want joy to fill my life, I have to keep searching for that shred of light in the dark.
Otherwise, despair might swallow me whole.
“I guess we’ll have to get more crosswords for Archie since he won’t be expecting me at my next infusion,” Adhira muses. She’s seated beside me with her legs tucked under her, my sweatshirt swallowing her frame as she polishes a small crystal with fine-grain sandpaper and a cloth.
“I’ll make a note of it,” I say with a low chuckle, basking in the glow of her improved mood.
“Do you have any plans tonight?” she asks. “You could finally take me to that pottery studio you seem to love so much.”
My heart squeezes. “I’d love that,” I tell her, just as my pocket vibrates with a string of messages. My brow furrows, the Thigh Daddies group chat running rampant.
Jelani
There’s an art festival this weekend. You blokes wanna go tonight?
Rafael
Since when do you give a flying shit about art?
Nakoa
He likes those naked sculptures of women with big jugs!
There’ll be a ton of food trucks. You know how hard it is to find a poke bowl in this country?
I imagine rather difficult…And sorry, mate, I can’t make it. Have plans with Adhira tonight.
Jelani
Pleaseeeeee come with us! We can invite the ladies too.
It would be nice to get out somewhere new, and being with her friends might be good for Adhira.
Nakoa
Elise was probably going anyway since Rafa lives with his head stuffed up her ass!
That makes me snort a laugh.
“What are you laughing about over there?” Adhira asks, a small smile painting her lips.
“The guys want to go to an art festival tonight. I don’t want to cancel our plans, but it sounds like it could be fun.”
“Oh? The idea of being out with ‘the guys’ makes you giggle like that?” she teases.
I shake my head with a rueful smile. “Not quite.” I relay Nakoa’s message about Rafa.
“That he does,” she agrees, nodding. “What kind of art festival is it?”
“Not sure. One with a bunch of food trucks.”
Her eyes brighten at that. “I’m in.”
Adhira looks beyond adorable in her hunter-green raincoat and rubber-ducky wellies. The sky has decided to take a piss on us, but it’s a slow dribble, like an old man with an enlarged prostate, so it’s bearable.
We’ve made it through most of the stalls, each vendor having something unique to show off: carved stones and wood, paintings, jewellery, sculptures, and anything else the mind could conjure.
“I think we’ve stopped at every shop,” Jelani says up ahead.
“If I don’t get one of those tacos in the next three minutes, I’m going to die,” Adhira groans out, and though I know she doesn’t mean it, her words are like an arrow straight through my chest.
I glance down at her, and she brushes against me, meeting my gaze with a smirk that quickly morphs into a scowl. “Everything okay?” she whispers, just loud enough for me to hear with our friends a few paces ahead.
“I was just being sensitive,” I tell her, swallowing hard. Her brows knit together in a silent question. “I take matters of your mortality seriously.”
Her expression softens, and she reaches out, running the tip of her pinkie along the back of my hand, the touch almost non-existent. “I’m sorry,” she whispers. “For once, I wasn’t thinking about my mortality. It just slipped out.”
I give her a reassuring smile. “I know. Like I said, sensitive.” I chuckle lightly.
“For the record, that’s one of my favourite things about you.”
My lungs seize. “Come on.” I nod towards the food trucks our friends are now standing in line at. “It’s nearly been three minutes already. Wouldn’t want you keeling over.”
She rolls her eyes playfully but doesn’t hesitate, scurrying over to three of the trucks and placing orders for all her favourite street foods.
I order a plate of fish and chips, snagging the picnic table furthest from the small crowd in an effort to avoid overstimulating Adhira, thankful for the wide umbrella protecting my food from turning into a soggy mess. My mates join me, their arms full of trays of their own.
Nakoa and Jelani slide in beside me, Rafael taking a seat across from us. Jelani wraps an arm around my neck, tugging me into his side for a hug and pressing my cheek to his wet raincoat.
I laugh half-heartedly, my gaze glued to Adhira, where she stands in line holding a tray half her size, a smile on her face as she chats with her friends. But her trembling arms have my skin prickling.
“Those women really do eat more than the whole of the men’s rugby league, don’t they?” Nakoa muses.
“You wouldn’t believe how much my grocery bill’s gone up since Elise and I started dating,” Rafa says, not sounding upset in the least.
“If she eats half as much as Chels, I can imagine,” Nakoa counters.
“And how would you know how much she eats?” Jay goads him, and despite how good it feels to finally have the friendships I’d craved my entire life, I still can’t tear my eyes off Adhira. Maybe I should just get up and offer to carry her tray.
She peers over her shoulder at me, her smile faltering. She tilts her head, and I fix my expression into something more palatable and less worried, earning her smile, then a laugh I can hear all the way over here as Jay wraps his hands around my face and tugs me in for a sloppy forehead kiss.
I drag my gaze from her, shaking Jay off and making a show of wiping the kiss from my forehead. “What the bloody heck was that for, mate?”
“You were goin’ all googly-eyes for the stubborn one,” he says with a wide, goofy grin. “Thought I’d try to earn some of that attention.”
“Yeah? And I think the only attention you want is from Letty.” I wag my brows.
“You’re right about that, love,” he says, chuckling.
Over the next several minutes, I divide my time between conversing with the guys and making sure Adhira isn’t about to drop her tray or hurt herself some other way, like slipping in the rain.
Every time I sneak a peek at her, her gaze finds mine just as quickly, and that look of concern lining her eyes deepens.
My appetite all but flees the scene as trepidation swells in my gut, easing only once she and her friends have found their way to our table. Adhira sets her tray down, searching my expression. “Can we talk for a second?”
Anxiety flares in my chest, a weight pressing down, but I give her a rigid nod and unlock my joints, forcing them to carry me after her.
There’s a concrete building with restrooms and a small overhang that barely covers her as she stands beneath it, picking at her nails.
“Everything okay?”
“Why did it feel like you couldn’t keep your eyes off me?” she asks, never one to mince words.
I dart my gaze away, an inopportune blush rising to my cheeks as I scratch at my jaw. “Probably because I couldn’t,” I admit.
“Elijah,” she murmurs. “I’m not so fragile that I’m going to break at any moment. Is this about my taco joke again?”
I shake my head, grimacing at how absurd the situation must have seemed to her.
“No, no, it’s not that.” I glance up at the grey sky, cool drops of water splattering on my glasses.
She reaches up, tugging them gently from my face, and retrieves a napkin from her pocket, cleaning the frames. My throat constricts.
“Then tell me what this is about,” she says, her eyes remaining on her task. I can’t help but think she’s using it as a way to shield herself, giving me time to process my thoughts and answer without her distracting gaze.
“Your arms were just shaking so much, and there are puddles everywhere, and your friends don’t know to look out for you like I do, so I was just worried that—”
She steps into me, reaching up to press a palm to my cheek. I suck in a sharp breath, the physical connection calming the unease stirring in my soul. She fixes my glasses back onto my face, dropping her hands and taking a step back to lean against the wall.
“You shouldn’t have to feel like you need to keep one eye on me at all times,” she murmurs, squeezing her eyes shut for a brief moment as an indiscernible expression crosses her face.
“It’s not fair to you, and I see that now.
” Her tone wobbles. “I’ve been putting all of my needs on you, just like everyone else in your life has, and it’s not okay, but I plan to make it right. ”
My heart sinks, and I have to fight the urge to wrap my arms around her.
“You have nothing to apologise for, Adhira. I’m a caretaker by nature, and I wouldn't change that. It's one of my favourite things about myself, but it can also be my greatest downfall. I’m prone to spreading myself too thin, and I want you to have every ounce of support you need. None of that is your fault.”
“You’re a good man, princess,” she says with a smirk that doesn’t reach her eyes. “And it's time I own up to my mistakes. Better they find out now while we're in public, where they can't murder me.”
I peel my gaze from her to glance over my shoulder, unsurprisingly catching her friends’ darting looks between us.
“Come on, we’d better get back to them before they eat my bloody food,” Adhira says, sucking her cheeks in and marching off towards them. It’s subtle, but I see the tension in her posture and hate that she feels the need to put up her familiar facade to deal with this.
When we return, we’re met with inquisitive looks, and I find myself cowering beneath Elise’s steely gaze. “Care to enlighten us on what’s going on?” Elise prods, a sharp brow arched.
Adhira pats my chest reassuringly, already aware my stomach is roiling, caught between knowing how difficult this will be for her and how thankful I am that she’s telling them.
“You don’t have to be here for this, big guy.
Elise’s anger, Chelsea’s tears, and Letty’s reprimands won’t be the treat you’re looking for tonight. ”
I almost smile at that but shake my head. I lower my lips to the shell of her ear, revelling in the shiver that races through her at my nearness. “Here? Are you sure?”
She nods once, but it’s rigid. She definitely is not sure, but she’s going through with it anyway.
I allow my knuckles to skate along her hip, grounding myself for what’s ahead and reminding myself that she’s still here. “Then I’ll be here every step of the way.”